Perceptions
by The EarthSong
Summary: This is the story of Sarah and Demetri. While on her first vacation in Italy, Sarah is kidnapped. With little other choice she has to trust her captor. Can she trust herself?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – Caught **

I dragged my feet; every step propelling me forward became slower than the last, as everything suddenly became too loud, too bright, too sharp. It was sensory overload at its worst. My breath ripped from my chest in small gasps as fear, cold and instinctual, washed over me. My heart pounded fiercely and I was sure I wasn't the only one deafened by it.

Now, as I allowed myself to fall further behind the excited crowd, I couldn't understand what it was that made me agree to a free tour of the castle. On my vacation through Italy, I had already seen many like it but none caused the terror that this one did.

There were things here in this ancient place that waited to grab me, like the Bogey man hiding in my closet that I used to fear when I was a child. Only here, there was no loving mom or dad to root out the dark things and demand they leave and no light powerful enough to force them back into the shadows where they belonged. Here, they would swallow me whole and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

That knowledge didn't mean that I gave up. I mean, humans are nothing if not survivalists. Even at our lowest point we still struggle, however futilely, to live. So I continued to struggle and dropped further back, hoping to get far enough away to make a break for freedom and life.

I feigned a sudden interest in one of the many paintings and tapestries that adorned the rough stone walls, but I was trembling almost convulsively and the woman following close behind me saw it and knew the reason.

She was achingly beautiful; tall, proud, with an almost regal bearing. Her long perfectly arranged auburn hair and designer clothing intimidated me. She had been the one in the street to approach me and offer a tour. Why had I not politely declined and then immediately left the city? Why had I not run screaming into the light? My best interest had not been her goal.

She smiled at me as I met her eyes and I knew that was why I had so readily agreed. There was something about her eyes that drew me in and would not let me go. I felt like I was like drowning … like I had no control of my own actions when I looked into her strangely hypnotic eyes. They were such an odd color -- an unnatural violet -- yet they were compelling enough that I lost all independent thought when she fixed them upon on my own.

It took several vital seconds and a supreme effort on my part, but at last I wrenched my dazed gaze from hers and rested my unseeing eyes on the soothing Tuscan landscape of the painting immediately in front of me. I tried to remember what it was I had been planning on doing.

She giggled the sound of wind chimes. "Don't you want to see the rest of the castle?"

Her voice was beautifully pitched, but that alone had little effect on me. As long as I didn't look into her eyes I could resist. I stared a hole in that painting, imagining it as life preserver.

"No."

My voice broke in fear with that one word. If I wasn't careful, I was going to totally lose control and break down, and then I knew I would have hope of getting anywhere. I took a deep breath hoping to steady myself.

"I think I have seen all the castles I want to. Could you direct me to the exit?" My request came out more or less steady.

"But the best is yet to come." The woman said. I could hear an underlying glee in her silken voice and I wondered if the best was for me or for her. I had a hunch it was the latter.

"P-please?"

I was shaking so hard my teeth were chattering. I could just make out the last person at the end of the tour group I was with rounding a corner and suddenly as much as I wanted her to show me the way out, I did not want to be alone with this woman.

For a second, I debated sprinting up the corridor to catch up with the group, but had the overwhelming feeling – I actually pictured lemmings, following each other to their deaths -- that that was not the brightest idea and merely one thought of for the comfort being near others like me offered. For the woman standing too still at my side was not like me, not at all. I knew it as certainly as I knew the sun would rise in the morning.

How had I not realized that on the street? Her whole being was foreign; her voice - too beautiful, her figure - too flawless, her eyes ... No, we were definitely not a part of the same human race. But _what_ was she?

My sudden realization of her not being like me in any way caused me to take a step back from the painting I was not examining. Frantic now, I half turned to the direction I had come, but she mirrored my movements almost before I had finished making them and blocked my way. I made the mistake of glancing up at her face.

It was held in a perfect smile; a seemingly warm smile, but her jaw was hard. It was as if I was getting on her nerves and she was smiling only to keep up the appearance of being friendly. Her eyes were flat and dead; again it took all my strength to jerk from under her malignant gaze.

I took a step, as if to go around her, and she bent, positioning her body strangely – almost like a cat getting ready to pounce on some small, unsuspecting creature, and put out a hand to stop me when a lightly accented voice from behind caused me to gasp and whirl and her to straighten casually.

"Heidi, there you are. We didn't want to start without you." The voice died off as its owner took in the sight of my pathetic and shivering figure standing slightly in front of the glorious figure of the red-haired woman.

I watched as a tall man with pale olive skin and thick waving hair strode down the hall towards us with long strides. He moved a little too quickly, with an impossible, flowing grace and I moved my eyes from his face before I could be taken away by the force of his gaze. But I had already seen too much and I could not stifle the gasp of shock that forced its way between my cold lips even as I froze and glued my eyes to the floor.

His irises were the color of rubies; they even glittered as the gem would if you turned it this way and that in the sun. An all consuming fire seethed in them ready to burn and devour. I felt the cold sweat of terror trickle down my spine between my shoulder blades.

I felt the woman behind me, Heidi, placed her hard, cold hands on my shoulders and squeeze them a little tighter than was comfortable. I winced as she propelled me forward with no effort on her part although I had planted my feet.

"It would seem we have a balker," She said in a smooth, easy voice. I tried not to squirm away from the pressure she was exerting on my shoulders. It felt like she could snap every bone in them at any second.

What hell had I been thrust into? I hadn't ever been a wild child or a bad girl. I had never done anything in my life to warrant this type of punishment. If someone had wanted to scare me into perfect behavior, they were going overboard. If I got out of this situation – which I was sure I wouldn't, not now, not after all I had seen – I would never talk to another stranger as long as I lived. In fact, I would never leave the Southwest again … maybe I would never leave the house.

"Ah." I heard the man breath. I saw his feet as he came to a stop in front of us. He wore expensive looking black leather shoes.

"Being difficult, is she?" His voice was low and husky and I longed to hear it again, yet feared to. I knew this was a man who could make me do anything he wanted. The dark amusement in his tone was clearly evident.

I fought the urge to look up to see if the same amusement was in his eyes -- his bright_ red_ eyes. That thought helped to quash the urge and I winced when Heidi's hands tightened again. I could not help the whimper that escaped me. I swear I could hear my bones groaning under the duress.

I watched the man's feet as he took one more step, closing the distance between us and I had nowhere to go, no way to escape. I was a pathetically weak human caught between two infinitely stronger non-human creatures. My heart stuttered and I fought to control the urge to babble incoherently or blubber pleas for them to let me go.

The man reached out and gently pried Heidi's hands from my shoulders, awarding me some small bit of comfort, but he didn't back away as he spoke to her -- I was still trapped between their taller bodies. They were close enough that I could feel the cold radiating from their chalky skin.

"I can handle this, Heidi. You are thirsty. Why don't you go and get something before there is nothing left." His voice was so soft and reasoning that I almost believed it.

Almost.

I felt Heidi step away from me, heard the whisper of fabric as she adjusted her clothing or moved to smooth her hair and then she was just … gone. I swung my head from side to side in a panic searching the long corridor for her, confused as to _how_ she could have been there in one second and gone in the next.

I heard the low chuckle of my new companion and eased one foot back as I shifted my body in order to run. It had been awhile since I had run in an all out sprint, but I was sure my high school track training would kick in -- the adrenaline coursing through my body was key.

"You don't really think that will work, do you?" The calm voice broke through my resolve as a voice of reason and he carefully took my wrist in his hand. His touch was icy and when he came in contact with my skin, a current – like static electricity, passed from him to me. I heard the same amused inflection as I had previously and my stomach knotted.

"Well, do you?" He asked again.

I shook my head desperately. "No." Fear had caused my voice to leave, what came from my mouth was a thin, broken whisper.

"I am Demetri. What is your name?" He asked politely.

Anger flared briefly, surprising me. That he could pretend to be so civil and so pleasant. What was he playing at? I knew he wasn't human and I was sure he had a pretty good idea that I knew it.

I shook my head again, gritting my teeth to keep from answering in some snide way. The last thing I wanted to do was get him angry, yet I didn't want to tell him my name either. A name was power and I didn't want him to have that power over me. That was what I told myself then. Later, in my soul, I knew the truth, though. I was simply too terrified at how I would react at hearing the sound of my name coming out of his mouth with his voice.

"Come now, can't we be friends?" The dark amusement was present again in that deceptively friendly voice. Was I some sort of joke?

Again I shook my head in stubborn refusal. Granted, it was probably not the most intelligent thing to do; but they could steal me away, keep me from leaving, frighten me, but they could _not_ make me talk to them. Well, in all honesty, they could, but I was keeping my face securely pointed toward the ground. Even that was distracting, he had very large feet and very big hands; I could only imagine how big the rest of him was.

He chuckled again and moved his free hand to my chin, my breath caught as his cool skin came in contact with mine -- thankfully there was no electric snap this time. He easily forced my face up to his. My trembling started with renewed force the moment he touched me and I was so sure I would shake into pieces that I forced my eyes to the side, so I would not have to look into his crimson eyes. Tears welled up and spilled over in a mixture of helpless fear and impotent anger.

"Won't you look at me?" He crooned, his voice dropping lower, growing even more soothing, inadvertently giving away his ulterior motive.

He thought to charm me with his voice but it wouldn't work, I wouldn't let it. My traitorous heart would though and it responded by skipping at the seductive sound. I shook my head as well as I could considering he was still holding my chin firmly in his big hand.

"Very well," he said moving his hand. He was silent for a long moment, so I deemed it safe to take a swift look up.

I rapidly blinked the tears away, there were so many and they wouldn't stop. As my vision cleared, I was surprised to see him examining the water that had dropped from my eyes onto his skin. A thoughtful frown creased his brow as he looked at them.

His eyes shifted to mine and snared me before I had the opportunity to look away. I was so stupid. I cringed at the sight of those horrible, unblinking red eyes, but was unable to tear myself away from the fire there. If I didn't, I would go up in flames. His face smoothed and he looked up the hall. I drug a ragged breath into my lungs as soon as he broke eye contact and relief flooded through me.

"You need to come with me now." He said, in a very decided tone of voice.

I instinctively pulled back on his viselike grip, shaking my head in denial. I knew what had not been voiced, to leave with any one of the people with red eyes, would be to walk straight to my death and I didn't think it would be a calm, peaceful death. The kind of death we all hope for. I was absolutely, positively convinced it would be the exact opposite. It would be something I would be dragged into, screaming and begging for the earth to swallow me, for the pain and fear to somehow end.

Since I would not look at him, he bent near to my ear. His breath was icy. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I held very still, caught in a cotton-mouthed, wide-eyed terror.

"You have to trust me. If you don't come with me now, you _will_ be killed." There was urgency now in his soft husky tone, a wild urgency that made me want to comply. I saw his face in my peripheral vision turn to glance down the hall again, his eyes flicking so rapidly I almost missed it up and back to me.

The word 'killed' caused my feet to move when he turned to lead me back the way I came. Hope warmed me -- for a second -- until we turned right down another dim corridor instead of left. I turned my head to the exit, but was brought roughly back to the present when I lost my footing and nearly fell.

He looked down on me with a frown as he paused to steady me with one hand and I shook my head helplessly. As it was, I was running and he wasn't going faster then a quick walk -- for him. I could never have kept up with his speed. Despair overwhelmed me as I realized even if I had been able to break his grip on my wrist, I could never have ran fast enough to get away. He paused for the briefest of seconds at a heavy wooden door then wrenched it open and spun me inside.

"Get against the back wall, don't move and I will be back for you as soon as I can." His eyes were hard, like the gems they matched and just as unfeeling.

I nodded like a deer in the headlights and backed away towards the wall once the door was pulled shut after him. I did one better than just getting against the back wall, though. I wedged myself in between the gigantic wooden bed that dominated the room and the wall. It took quite a bit of pushing and pulling to maneuver the thing, but I had just enough adrenaline racing through my blood that I was able to finally get it far enough from the wall to cram my body into the space.

I sat there not moving, not even feeling claustrophobic like I would have at any other time, as the tears poured down my face and I gave myself over to the fear and despair of the situation. My thoughts ran through my mind so quickly, I had no time to decipher their meanings before they were gone and a new one had taken place. I couldn't understand myself, I made no sense.

I must have fallen asleep or into some unconscious stupor because the next thing I remember was being pulled from my hiding place and set on the bed. I snapped awake very fast then and cringed in to the wall, nearly falling into the space I had created in my panicked haste.

_He_ was back and staring at me in concern, though he kept a careful distance. My jaw dropped and I stared at him well passed the time appropriate for good manners.

He was huge. Much bigger then I had first thought; at least six foot three and muscled to proportion. He had the perfect male build; long arms and legs, broad shoulders that narrowed to his waist. He was too heavy to be lanky, but too lean to be bulky. He was the epitome of the fantasy man you read about in good romance novels.

His face was faultless; very masculine with clean, strong lines -- nothing weak about him, a straight aristocratic nose and beautiful lips – the bottom plumper then the top. He would have been olive complexioned had his skin not been so chalky and his curly hair and eyebrows were a soft ebony.

He eased back into a chair that rested near a large desk and I relaxed a bit at the distance between us. I appreciated that he made an effort to move as deliberately as he could, though there was still no way he moved like a human.

"Where am I?" I asked in a small voice. It seemed the most obvious question I could ask at the moment.

His brows drew together, bemused, "Italy."

I sighed; it was clear by his expression that he wondered if I were a bit slow. Though, in all fairness to me, I was pretty lucid. I was not sure that anyone else in my position would be quite that clear, but I didn't know for sure. I knew of no one that had ever been in my position and lived to tell.

"I know _that_," fear sharpened my voice more then I had intended, "and I know I am in Volterra, but where am I _now_? What is this place? What happened to the tour group that I came in with? Why should I be killed?"

The questions tumbled out one after the other before I could choose which was most vital to be answered and I was vaguely aware that I was hugging my knees to my chest and was rocking back and forth ever so slightly.

The man considered me for a moment as he watched my self-soothing motions, "You are in the castle, the northwest corner to be exact. And the group that accompanied you is gone."

His words rang ominously in the still air of the room and I gathered all I needed to know from them. The entire group, some twenty or so people, was dead. I felt my face blanch and the convulsive shaking started again.

"And why should I be killed?" I asked, my voice lowering in volume to hide its shakiness.

He shrugged, an incredibly graceful, breathtaking motion -- if a man as physically large as he was could be called graceful or breathtaking, "You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time …"

His voice faded in a way to make me think here was more.

"And?" I encouraged, not entirely sure I wanted to hear his answer.

"And … you appealed to Heidi."

That didn't sound good and I ducked my head, laying my forehead on my knees, squeezing my eyes shut and rocking a little harder.

"Now will you tell me your name?" He inquired.

I rocked for a moment or two, wondering if it would make any difference if I told him or not, probably not. If I were to die, at least one person would know who I was and maybe he could be persuaded into sending a letter to my family. I didn't want to think of the grief my parents would be forced to experience upon hearing that I had died. I hoped they would not feel guilty for having sent me here.

"It's Sarah. Sarah Wilder." I finally whispered.

"Thank you, Sarah."

My name rolled off his tongue just as I knew it would and my heart gave a responsive little flutter. I hugged my knees tighter trying to get it under control and asked the most important question of all.

"What will happen to me now?"

He met my eyes steadily, "I do not know."

"But I can't leave, can I?"

"No."

The tears started again; silent and hopeless, they poured down my face in an unstoppable flood. I hadn't known I could cry so much. I soaked the knees of my jeans and nearly jumped out of my skin when he suddenly and silently appeared in front of me, a handkerchief extended.

"Thank you." I whispered as I blew my nose and attempted to dry the unending tears.

He lingered near me, "Is … is there anything I can get you?" It was said so hesitantly -- almost shyly -- that had I been in any other situation, I would have been touched.

I shook my head, "I just want to sleep." And forget, even for a brief moment of time.

As usual, the emotion strain of the situation – not to mention the gallons I had cried – made me want to lie down and slip into a dark oblivion for awhile. I knew that after I had released the stress and gotten a bit of rest, I would be more inclined to be hopeful. I glanced up, worried and met his eyes briefly.

"You won't … I mean, you'll let me … without …" I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

He nodded, "You can sleep. I won't harm you."

He didn't have to say the word 'yet' for me to know he was thinking it. I pondered just letting him get on with it, if death was to be my fate, but I just wasn't ready to let go yet. Sleep would make it easier to process and perhaps we could come up with a solution that involved a little less death. I shuddered, but nodded in gratitude before slumping over to my side and curling up into the fetal position, my back to the cold wall. It wasn't long before my breathing evened and I slipped into the healing black darkness of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – Getting to Know You**

I don't know how long I slept, I hadn't looked at my watch before closing my eyes and I suppose it didn't really matter. I woke up sprawled face down across the bed, leading me to believe that I had been out a lot longer then I had planned.

He was standing with his back to me, staring out the western window, a dark shadow as he watched the sun set. I rolled to a sitting position and let my eyes flick over the room I was in, taking in every inescapable nook and cranny.

It was Spartan -- definitely a man's room. No décor, no rugs, no artwork adorning the walls. It was just a room for sleeping and maybe escape. But what would something like him have to escape from?

It must have been inside an old part of the castle because the walls were all of the same rough grey stone as the interior corridors. The well trod floor was a golden wood and I wondered if it was as silky and warm as it appeared, but his presence made me unable to move.

The only furniture in the room was the simple, but massive, bed I had slept in, a tall dresser along the northern wall, and the large desk near the door. A slight marring of the floor just south of the window led me to believe something else had been there, but I didn't know what.

"Did you have a good sleep?" he asked without turning to face me.

I flinched at the sound of his voice, soft and unexpected in the silent room. "Yes, thank you." I said politely.

The rest had done me the good I had hoped it would. I was alert. I felt more or less myself and the dread I had been feeling had eased. I hoped now that the shock had had time to wear off. If it had, I was fairly certain I could hold it at bay and keep a firmer grip on myself.

"I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of procuring you something to eat." He murmured, still not turning. His choice of words odd, almost old.

They surprised me and my question was out of my mouth before I had stopped to think, "Why?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, he finally turned. His dark brows knit in perplexity at my question, "Are you not hungry?"

"Well, yes," I hesitated, unsure if I really wanted to be here, at this conversation again, "but if I am only to die," -- I shuddered at the word – "then why go to the trouble?"

His quiet answer was honest and gave me some hope, "I don't know."

I nodded and saw the bread and cheese sitting on a plate on the desk, my eyes flicking back to him as I did so -- I would have to cross the room to get it. I glanced again at his tall, motionless shape out of the corner of my eye and steeled myself to move.

Somehow, I felt the need to move as purposely as possible. I knew the man in the room with me, could be only loosely termed as a man. What he was exactly, I wasn't sure – uncomfortable thoughts were pricking my brain -- but I felt it would be better if I thought of him as just male, even though his figure was a man's. There was something in the wary way he watched my every move that made me think of a wild animal and I found I wanted to startle him as much as I wanted to startle a panther or a bear. I think the result would have been the same in each case.

I eased from my perch on the edge of the bed and walked as carefully as I could to the desk. I could feel his eyes -- they weren't so very frightening in the darkening room -- watching me as I slid into the desk chair and reached for the loaf, ripping a chunk out.

I sighed as I bit into it. I was quite hungry and if this was to be my last meal, then I couldn't think of a better thing to eat. The bread here far surpassed any that I had ever eaten in the States. It was good and I was surprised that I could think something so unimportant, all things considered. The cheese was mellow and paired well with the bread and for a few moments I felt relatively normal.

Then he came to stand by me; I tensed and felt my instincts screaming at me to run. I held my place and forced myself to be calm and continue eating as if I was unaffected by his nearness, although the bread turned to wet ash in my mouth. He seemed to watch me in fascination this time.

"Is that good?" he asked eying my dinner and I heard mild disgust.

I swallowed with some difficulty – the bread stuck in my constricted throat, "Yes, much better than what I could get at home. Would you like some?"

I knew he would refuse before he did, but couldn't help myself from asking. I didn't want to think about what he did eat and my hand trembled as I held the small portion toward him. He shook his head, eyes narrowing ever so slightly and I withdrew my hand.

"What are you?" I asked, suddenly braver then I knew I had any right to be. I was rested and now fed and so felt marginally better, at least well enough to be curious. Besides, why would he feed me if he was going to kill me soon?

He stared at me for a long while and I had never seen anything like it. He was absolutely motionless, like some marble statue. I waited and in time he settled himself in a chair I had not noticed before. It sat near the bed and he angled it toward me.

"Not human."

I snorted softly, "That's apparent. So, if you are not human, what are you?"

He smiled -- it didn't reach his eyes, "What do _you_ think I am?"

I shook my head cautiously, "I couldn't begin to guess … well, I could, but I really don't _want_ to … to say it. I know what I have seen, what I think you have inferred, but … it's impossible."

"Is it?"

He was toying with me now; I could feel it and I could hear that undercurrent of amusement in his voice. I sat back in the chair and folded my arms over my chest, careful to keep my eyes and face blank and waited. So did he.

After a long, pregnant pause, he spoke, "You are very stubborn." He seemed pleased to have discovered that about me. It was mildly infuriating.

"But not stupid." I snapped with more bravado than I felt. I knew my life was in his hands and I would probably do well not to annoy him.

He shook his head, "No, not stupid." he agreed. "We are …" he paused and his eyes tightened as he began again. "I am a vampire."

He said it almost defensively as if he were challenging me to deny it or argue it with him. I think my jaw dropped. I t wasn't that it was totally unexpected, I had just hoped so fervently that my speculations were wrong. I glanced down to the floor, nodding. There was nothing else to say.

As I turned those four little words over in my head, I knew it was true and he was not just some crazy wannabe. I had seen him move, heard his oh-so beautiful voice, looked into his eyes and every one of those facts screamed the truth at me. I felt my breath catch as I realized that I had known the truth before I had been ready to admit it, maybe in the seconds that I had first seen Heidi.

"Does that frighten you?" he asked casually, all defensiveness gone.

I had to hold back a manic laugh. Was that a stupid question? I smiled humorlessly and nodded as I looked up, "It terrifies me."

Something flickered in his fiery eyes and I couldn't be sure because of the dim, but I thought it was sorrow or regret. I tried to think of something to change the subject to.

"So … how old are you?" It was weak, but it was the best I could come up with.

His brows lifted, "I am roughly seven hundred years old."

My eyes widened and I nearly choked. He looked remarkably well for a seven hundred year old -- as if I knew what a seven hundred year old person should look like. This was definitely a first.

"I was twenty-six when I was changed. Clement V was Pope." He explained in answer to the thoughts that must have been plain on my face.

"And how does that happen, the change?" I asked, finding my voice only after I had learned that he had once been something normal like twenty-six.

"Very painfully." He murmured and I could hear the echo of the remembered pain in his low voice.

Unable to help myself, the tone of his voice called to my nurturing instincts, I leaned forward slightly, "I'm sorry."

His head cocked to the side, again reminding me of something wild, as he watched me. He seemed unsure as to how to accept my sympathy. "It was not your fault."

"No, but I am sorry it hurt."

And I was. How awful to have to go through something so horrible in order to become something so utterly feared and detested. I wrapped my arms around my chest, hugging myself.

"Why did you come here?" he asked suddenly. There was curiosity in his eyes now.

I fought back the tears that threatened to well up and swallowed the ache in my throat. "It was a present from my parents. I had always wanted to come to Italy and they surprised me with it. Though, I think now, it would have been better to have followed my first instinct and told them to use the money for something important."

"What could be more important then making their daughter happy?" He asked, genuinely confused at my words. He had misunderstood me.

I frowned, "Using it to help my brother or sister through school, an extra house payment, a new car. Right now, making their dead daughter happy should be the least of their worries." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but still it crept in.

He frowned at my tone. "You are not dead."

I met his eyes and challenged, "Yet."

He didn't argue but changed the subject. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-one. I was attending a school back home and had one year left until graduation."

"And what were you studying?"

I paused as I thought of what my life would have been but for this sad situation. My stomach tightened as I thought of all I would miss: growing old, falling in love, having children, watching them grow. I brought myself back to reality when I saw that he was still patiently waiting for my answer.

"Education. I wanted to be a teacher. I love kids."

"That is good."

I nodded without commenting. Yes, I loved kids, but now would never have any of my own. I stared out the window unwilling to discuss more of the future I would never have and I think he sensed it.

"If you would like to wash up, that door,"— he gestured to a door on the east side of the room –"leads to a private bathroom. You will be undisturbed."

"Thank you." I felt my face redden -- a thing that hardly ever happened to me, in anticipation of my next question. "Do you, by chance, think, I could get a change of clothing? Mine are still at the hostel I was staying at."

I watched as his eyes wandered over me and tried to keep from blushing darker at such close inspection. I looked down at what I was currently dressed in. I was a mess.

My shirt was stained from my tears and both it and my jeans were wrinkled from having been slept in. I think I had been wearing them for twenty-four hours by now. And I think I was beginning to smell pretty gamey, too. My hair was a tangled mess and I am sure my face was swollen from crying. My cheeks felt stiff when I spoke and my eyes burned when I blinked.

"I think that can be arranged. If you feel comfortable," he rose more quickly then I thought possible and I gasped before I had a chance to stifle it. His eyes flicked to mine, "Sorry, I forgot that you are not accustomed to my movements."

He moved to the dresser at a more human speed and pulled out a folded piece of cloth, "As I was saying, if you feel comfortable, you may wear this after your shower until I have a chance to get you a new set of clothing."

He approached me slowly and laid the cloth, which turned out to be a man's t-shirt, on the arm of the chair in which I sat. "Everything you need should be in the bathroom."

I took the shirt and got up. He was standing far too close for me to feel really comfortable in being so exposed. I don't know why sitting helped dispel that feeling, but it did. I felt there was too much of me available to his sight when I was standing, it was unnerving. He saw my hesitation and took a step back to allow me room.

"Thanks." I said with a small smile as I passed him and crossed to the bathroom.

It was a relief to be shut away from his too direct stare and I leaned back on the door for a moment, just catching the breath I felt I hadn't taken since entering this accursed place.

I took my time cleaning up. The bathroom was as sparse as the bedroom. It was strictly there to be useful – as most men's things were. I found everything I needed easily enough and stood under the hot water until I was lobster red and wrinkly.

As I watched the water and soap swirl down the drain, I had the sudden silly wish to be a soap bubble; to just go down through the drains and eventually to the sea and be free. I no longer had any delusions of freedom. I knew I was caught and not going anywhere, except maybe to a grave.

I shook off my depressive thoughts as I stepped out of the shower and dried off. It wasn't helpful and only muddled my thinking. If I wanted to get out of this, I would have to be able to think and I didn't want to waste all my time with sleeping through the stress. I towel dried my hair and found a comb to run through it. Then I sighed and picked up the shirt.

It was an inoffensive piece of cloth, softer really then anything I had ever owned and it smelled so fabulous I could hardly break the contact with my nose long enough to slip it over my head, but the fact that I would be wearing something that belonged to a vampire next to my skin caused me to involuntarily shudder and I almost climbed back into my old clothes. It was nice of him to offer and I _really_ didn't want to offend him, so I pulled it on and unhappily noted it fell only to mid-thigh.

I hoped it wouldn't take too long to get an extra set of clothing, at this point, I'd take a muumuu as long as it covered me. I tucked a strand of damp hair behind my ear and took a deep breath as I opened the door and left the relative safety of the bathroom.

The room was empty and I let out the breath I was holding. I didn't dare try the door. I didn't care if he locked me in or not, there was no way I was going to creep around while who knew how many vampires roamed the place. I was quite content to stay in the small room out of sight and hopefully out of mind. I laid my dirty clothes down on the desk chair and went to look out the window.

It was dark out now, but it was a velvet dark, so I knew it could not late yet. The stars were shimmering and a gentle breeze blew, playing with strands of damp hair and bringing with it the scent of flowers from a garden somewhere beneath me. I leaned further out, wondering what was planted there and if I could tell from the height I was at when something yanked me roughly back from the window.

My startled shriek was muffled against something rather cold and hard and for a moment I was afraid I was going to be crushed to death. Then he set me back from him, so he could see my face, but he did not relinquish his hold on my shoulders.

"What were you doing?" he demanded.

It was suddenly very difficult to breathe with him only inches from me, looking me straight in the eyes, his luscious scent invading my head, melting any will I might have had. I fought to hold onto the reason I had gone to the window in the first place, the reason I had leaned out.

"The … uh … room was empty … and I … uh … wanted to look outside."

It came out a bit garbled as I couldn't exactly remember how to form coherent sentences. This was the reason I should never look him in the face ... or allow him near enough to smell. I wanted to close my eyes and block the expression of fury on his handsome face, but I couldn't. The room spun a bit and I sagged against his hands unable to keep my feet.

He said nothing, but sat me on the bed and stepped back. With the distance, I remembered to breathe and the room stopped spinning. I also remembered why I had been at the window. I shook my head to clear it and fixed my eyes firmly on the floor.

"When I came out of the bathroom, the room was empty. I wasn't about to try my luck and go wandering around the place, so I went to look out the window. I could smell the flowers from the garden, and I thought I could tell what they were, but I didn't realize how high up we were."

My explanation came out as one long rush of words. My heart had yet to slow down and it was painfully deafening as it pounded in my ears. The memory of his scent, coupled with the sudden scare, made it impossible to relax even with the distance he had created.

He sat still listening to my heart as it calmed; the steady sound seemed to help him calm as well. "You weren't trying to get out?" He asked carefully.

My surprise at his words caused me to look up and I laughed – hard.

"Get out?" I asked not bothering to rein in my hysteria. "That way? Are you nuts? You would have had to scrape me up with a snow shovel. I know my time is short, but really, a _suicide_ attempt? And _that_ way?"

He glowered at me and I laughed harder. I wasn't sure why it struck me as hilarious. Maybe it was that he thought me more brave or stupid than I was, or maybe it was the fact that he seemed genuinely upset with the thought that I might try and end my own life, when he was just going to take it himself. Perhaps, he was just upset at the thought of so much blood going to waste.

That thought sobered me and my heart started racing again. I was going to have to get a grip on my thoughts.

He sat up, alarmed at the rapid pace of my heart, "What's wrong?"

I waved it away, "Just out of curiosity, why would you care if I killed myself at all? Was it the … blood?" I felt sick just saying the word.

His voice was harsh and he glared at me, "No."

My heart calmed at his response, "Then why?"

"It's suicide." He was matter of fact, sure of his answer.

"_Suicide_?" I asked again in disbelief. Could _vampires_ have morals -- enough to condemn a human who wanted to kill herself to escape one of them? It sounded ridiculous.

His eyes narrowed at my incredulous tone, "I am not without a few ethics, Sarah."

It startled me that he would choose to say my name at that moment. It was if he was emphasizing the fact that he knew me. Like before it rolled off his tongue so beautifully, my breath caught in my chest.

"I have to admit that does surprise me." I breathed hoping to hear more of his philosophy, for more then one reason.

"Why do you think you are still alive?" he hissed, suddenly looking like the vampire he was.

I cringed then recovered.

"Okay, thank you. You're parents were saints to teach you the Judeo-Christian philosophy of 'thou shalt not kill'."

It was sarcastic and hurtful and spiteful. I knew it as I said it, but I was frustrated and angry and tired of being frightened.

"Go to sleep, Sarah." He ordered.

I bit back my retort, though it must have showed in my eyes as I glared at him.

"For heaven's sake, woman, will you try my patience further?" his voice was the loudest I had heard it and the half snarl – which is really bizarre to hear coming from a human mouth, was strange and intensely terrifying.

I rocked back a few inches, almost as if he had slapped me and sat, I am sure with my glazed deer-in-the-headlights look. My heart stuttered and I shivered, instantly drenched in a cold sweat.

He sighed and lowered his head, breaking eye contact, "I'm sorry, Sarah. Please, go to sleep. No more questions tonight."

I nodded and eased myself back, curling into my fetal position as I had done before. I clamped my eyes shut and prayed that sleep would find me soon. Unfortunately, I had slept too long during the day and I was too wired to even pretend to think calm thoughts. The pounding of my heart and my ragged breathing gave me away.

Soon though, I heard the first soft strains of Beethoven's, _Moonlight Sonata_, filling the air. I turned my attention to that and reached greedily for it. I remembered having learned long that Beethoven wrote this particular composition for a woman he loved. That thought comforted me enough that I was able to find the darkness and allow it to overtake me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Provocation**

Sleep was hardly restful that night. I jerked awake over and over again to dreams I couldn't remember when I sat bolt upright, ice trickling down my spine. I remembered something about running and the dark, but nothing else. The breaking light of dawn was a relief. So was the fact that I was alone.

New clothes were folded in place of my old ones had been, along with a few other essentials. To my delight they were my size and, being jeans and a t-shirt, were just my style. I noticed they also smelled like a store and not like a vampire. That was calming too -- sort of. His scent was just too encompassing to be forgotten or unmissed.

Pale light shone through the windows. It looked to be a clear day and I wanted to watch the sun rise over the hills and softly touch the petals of the flowers in the garden to awaken them, but kept myself from the windows. I had no desire for a repeat of last night's performance.

So I dawdled in the bathroom as I washed my face – thankfully it was not swollen this morning, and combed through my tangled wheat colored hair one hundred strokes. I tried three different styles before deciding to let it just fall where it would. It was too short to do anything with anyway. I would have to remember to ask for some bobby pins and rubber bands.

When I was finished in the bathroom, I made the bed, making sure to plump each pillow just so. I fiddled with the pale grey comforter until it hung from the floor the same distance all the way around and then, finding there was nothing else to do, I plopped myself in the desk chair and combed through the desk looking for a scrap of paper and a pencil. Nothing. Each drawer had been carefully emptied. I tapped my fingers in a frustrated tattoo against the desk top.

After awhile I got up to examine the walls closely – there must be a hidden panel somewhere -- and tried to find the stereo that he must have used to play the sonata last night, but was unable to find anything. I felt slightly self-conscious for the thought that there would _be_ such a thing. I doubted I was in _that_ kind of castle, but what did I know of vampires. Up until a day ago, they were nothing but myth.

But still there was nothing. There were no books, no TV, no music and I was bored – beyond bored. It made me feel like the prisoner I was and I hated it. I flopped on the carefully made bed and laid there not moving until suddenly I felt his presence.

I sat up quickly, my head swimming from the abrupt movement, and found him already in his chair watching me with his careful expression. My heart picked up a little at his close proximity. My whole being knew what he was and cried for me to run. I ignored my instincts. Where could I run to?

"How do you do that?" I asked breathlessly as the stars cleared.

His brow furrowed, "Do what?"

"Just suddenly appear, sitting in a chair, like you have been there all morning."

His lips twitched, "Perhaps I have been here all morning."

I rolled my eyes, "Then I would have sat right on you. What do you do when you're in here? I couldn't find so much as a scrap of paper. I was going crazy."

I was a bit hyper from sitting around alone all morning and not even my fear could change that. I think it took him by surprise. He raised a dark eyebrow.

"I removed the paper in case you tried to write a note."

I leaned back on my elbows, feet hanging off the bed and made a face, "And just _who_ would I give a note to? Did you move your books too?"

"What books?"

I frowned. I could have sworn the marks on the floor had been from a bookcase. I shook my head, "Okay, back up to my first question; what do you _do_ when you're in here?"

"I am not in here much," he murmured.

"Humph." I laid all the way back, tucking my arms under my head and stared up at the ceiling. "Why have a room if you hardly use it?" I muttered quietly. I was not totally surprised when he heard me anyway.

"What do you do in your room?"

I raised my head and looked over at him -- something was different, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and sat Indian-style.

"I read and study and talk on the phone and draw and relax and sometimes eat." I ticked them off on my fingers then stopped, "Um, speaking of … you didn't by chance bring any food, did you? I'm starving."

Amusement glinted in his eyes but he did not smile as he pulled away from the desk to reveal a covered plate.

"Cool."

I got up and breezed by, grabbed the plate and returned to my spot on the bed, forcing myself to ignore his slight recoil and my heart's stutter at the unexpected movement. If I was going to die, bring it on. But don't feed me and clothe me and expect me to behave nicely. If he didn't like me, too bad.

I pulled the cover off the plate and was pleased to see it was fruit and bread. I took a few bites then about five minutes later popped back over for the bottle of water. I was interested to see what would happen. The result was the same.

I leaned my hip against the desk and raised one eyebrow, "Why do you do that?"

He met my eyes and I noticed that they were darker then they had been yesterday. There was only a thin ring of crimson around his pupil. That must have been the difference I'd been unable to put my finger on. I wondered idly what that signified, if anything as I waited for his answer. It seemed he was disinclined to speak to me today.

I gestured with the bottle and qualified, "Why do you pull back when I walk by?"

His dark brows knit, "Must you make this more difficult?"

I felt a flash of temper and thoughtlessly slammed the palm my hand down on the desk as I leaned toward him, "_Me,_ make _this_ difficult? _I _am the one who we both know is going to die. How could _I_ possibly make _this_ more difficult?"

Quicker then I could draw breath, I had been slammed up against the wall hard enough to see stars, a furiously provoked vampire with his cold hands at my throat. And he was furious. I felt the chills that ran up and down my entire body at the deep growls that rumbled up from his chest. My heart reacted by nearly jumping out of mine and trembling shook me. But after a moment I laughed – weak, yes, but I did. He was not the only one who was furious. I was just not as violent as he was.

"Now _that_ was some reaction."

"What?" he snarled, his lips were peeled away from his glistening white teeth and he was trembling now too, straining not to crush my throat.

I released a shaky breath and whispered hoarsely, "I am not a pet. I can't live scared that my next breath may be my last. It seems you made your choice." I glanced pointedly at his hands – hands, not teeth, at my throat.

He dropped me and backed away; his growls fading with every step he took. I hit the floor on my knees and stayed there gasping and willing my heart to calm. I shook so hard my teeth chattered and it was a miracle I had not lost control of my bladder. I looked up at him from behind my hair.

"You tempt fate too much, Sarah." He appeared to be having as hard a time as I in gaining control himself.

"How come you don't have fangs?" I asked between gasps and tremors. It had been the first time I had seen his teeth and they hadn't looked at all pointy like I had expected; white, yes; pointy, no. I was genuinely curious.

He scowled at me, taken aback by my question, "We don't need fangs, but make no mistake they could rip through your soft flesh in an instant." He stated brusquely, obviously still not in complete control.

That made sudden sense; his skin was as hard as stone, so why would he need to be fanged to tear through human flesh? I tried not to dwell on that as I slumped against the wall and rubbed at the bump I had acquired on the back of my head. My body ached and I was sure I was going to have several other bruises along with it.

His eyes widened in concern, the anger abruptly fading, "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He took a hesitant step towards me, crouching as he did it to look into my eyes.

I shook my head and tried to keep a clear thought, "Just a bump and I think I deserved it. I'm sorry I provoked you. I don't handle fear and stress well."

He settled himself in his chair, "That is an understatement." He murmured almost too low for me to hear.

"What will you do with me?" I asked looking down at my hands.

His voice was soft and thoughtful, "You think I offer only life or death?"

I frowned, "There's something besides?"

"Sarah," His voice chided me gently.

Oh.

Oh!

I looked up and my heart stuttered. When had I become so aware of its beats and rhythms? Maybe since it was the only one in the room that still beat. He was staring calmly at me.

"You plan to make me like you." It was not a question, but a statement and my voice was toneless.

"I haven't made any plans. But that is an alternative."

I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them. I wasn't sure that would be much better then death. I wasn't sure if I shouldn't beg him for death.

"I won't do anything until you ask me." He reassured me. His eyes were honest and instinctively I knew he would keep his word.

"Can I go outside?" I asked suddenly.

His brows pulled together, "That is not exactly a question I expected, but no. It is not safe for you to be out of this room alone."

"What if you came with me?" I was fully aware of the pleading inflection in my voice and didn't care. I was desperate. I couldn't stay in this room anymore. I needed to get out and breathe free air, feel the sun on my face, and the wind in my hair. Feel some sense of normalcy, that there were things still good and right in the world.

He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, "Here is the thing, Sarah. You are … tempting to us – more then tempting, really. I don't know if I, alone, would be enough to protect you from the others."

I frowned, perplexed, "How am I tempting?"

"Your scent … your warmth … your softness." Was that longing I heard in his husky voice? "You are human; we feed on humans."

I couldn't help cringing back at his words. "How do _you_ stand it?"

He drew a deep breath, "You are … interesting and at this point offer more then a quick bite." He closed his eyes, "I didn't mean that."

"No," I smiled weakly, my heart picking up as the adrenaline released. "It's an honest answer. I like that better then you just staring at me, answering with nothing but monotonal single phrases." I felt myself pale as new thought entered my head. "So … am I here as, like, a snack. You know, something you use than put away until the next time you, feel, hungry?"

His brow puckered and he was reluctant to answer, "It doesn't work like that. If I chose to feed on you, I don't think I would be able to stop. Once we taste blood – or smell it, for that matter – our instincts take over the rational part of our brain. We essentially stop reasoning until the thirst is sated. It is very likely you would not live through it."

I forced a short laugh, "At least now I can say I know how a cow feels – want a steak?"

He spread his hands in an attempt to placate me, "I am sure it is worse for you then for the cow. You reason, you think, you feel, have a family. The cow is a dumb animal."

My eyes narrowed as I glanced at him, "But given our comparatively short lives and physical weakness, you look at us no different than the cow."

"For many that is true."

"And you?"

He looked downward and I had my answer.

"So I am a pet _and_ a cow. Great." I said sarcastically. Could it get any worse?

He shook his head emphatically, "No, no, Sarah. It is … different with you. I don't know how or why, but I find I can't look at you the same way I do other humans."

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that normal for vampires?"

He shook his head, "No. I know of one other and that is all."

"And how did that end?"

He shrugged and leaned back, "I haven't heard yet."

I took a breath and asked a question whose answer terrified me, "What happens when you lose your interest in me?"

"That won't happen," He promised and somehow that was more frightening than if he had told me he would eventually lose interest. "I will wait until you have decided your own future and I will act on that."

"But you can't let me go?" I asked with no real hope.

He shook his head regretfully, "No, your mind grasped what we were too soon. You know too much to be allowed to go free."

I nodded slowly. I had thought as much.

"For now, you have been placed in my care. It's the best we can offer."

"Thank you." I murmured, not really sure if I meant it or not.

"So, Sarah …?"

He waited until I had looked up.

"Please try not to provoke me again." His lips twitched as he spoke.

I surprised myself by laughing. "I learned my lesson but I think I'll need a couple Tylenols before I can sleep tonight."

His eyes softened, gently, dangerously. My heart stuttered in reaction and a strange warmth poured through me. "That can be arranged."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Supervised Freedom**

I thought it would be hard to adjust to living in the castle with a vampire and it was, but really only in the aspect that I was under house arrest and unable to leave. We made due and grew used to one another.

We became friends, of sorts. To my surprise, it was quite easy to learn to trust him and he looked after me with probably more concern than I would have thought, though at times I did feel much like I thought a pet would. He spoiled me and I let him. If I was going to be forced to live here, it had to have some perks and I shamelessly took advantage of them.

He brought me books and paper, pencils and inks when I asked – and promised not to try to get word out of my kidnapping. He even got me a treadmill, when I noticed how soft I was getting on the European tourist diet that I hadn't been able to give up and not being able to walk it off. I think I lived on mostly bread and cheese and, being in Italy -- gelato. It was delightfully pathetic.

At first it was difficult to sleep with him staring at me and I had nightmares about red eyes, but I grew accustomed to that and the nightmares stopped. He grew used to my constant bantering and sudden mood swings and I grew used to his stoic nature. He worried over me and I laughed at him.

Some days it was harder to be happy than others. I worried about my family. By this time, they knew I was gone, but had no idea where I had gone to. But there still hadn't been enough time for them to think that I was dead. That was both good and bad. The guilt gnawed at me … and the sorrow. I missed them, especially my mom and sisters.

I drew pictures of them and stowed them in a book he had brought me. My drawing fascinated him and he couldn't help creeping closer and peering over my shoulder as I sat and sketched. A few of him even found their way into my book. Which he said was entirely unnecessary. I laughed and told him that didn't matter what he thought as they were for me and my drawings were sort of like my diary.

"Hey," I said one morning as I sprawled across the bed. He looked up from a book – I had been right, the bookcase had magically reappeared one night as I slept, he was reading. I waited until his eyes cleared and focused on me. "Where were you born?"

"Here, in Volterra."

I waited for him to elaborate. Sometimes it felt as if I did a lot of waiting. He finally answered when he realized I was not going to leave him alone until he did.

"I was the fourth son of an indigent farmer. My talent for finding lost people caught the attention of my masters." He paused and his eyes tightened. "In that time it was not hard to _persuade_ fathers to hand over their children. My father was given a tidy sum, which he immediately squandered, and I was changed. I have been serving them ever since."

"Even though you were a man?" The thought horrified me and I could not imagine anyone giving away any of their children for money -- especially their grown children. Had he had a family of his own? Of course, I couldn't imagine being the type of person who thought they could buy another either.

He shrugged, "He was my father."

I thought about it for a second more, then rolled to my side and propped my head on my elbow, "Have you seen a lot of the world?"

"Some."

His answer was too brief and I had to catch him before he disappeared back into his book and my moment was lost. Time seemed to mean very little to him and often he would look up in surprise after the sun had set and I had turned on the lights because I thought it was too dark to read. For me, time marched on and today was a bored day. I was not about to let the day flow by without some of diversion.

"Oh, come on. No short monotonal single phrase answers." I reminded him.

He heaved a sigh and carefully marked his place in his book, "Fine, in my duties, I have seen much of the world."

"What are your duties?"

"I track for my masters."

I had no idea what he meant so I waited for an explanation.

He frowned, but went on, "Sometimes there are vampires who don't always follow the rules. When they get out of hand, I am one of those sent to find and help deal with them."

My eyes widened, "By _deal with_, you mean, you kill them."

"End their existence is a better way to term it, technically, since they are already dead. But, yes." His lips twitched,

I rolled my eyes at his sense of humor, "Same difference. Isn't that dangerous?"

He thought about his answer for a moment, "Not really. I have been doing it for a long time. I know what I am doing by now and I am never alone."

"How do you track them?"

He was slightly perturbed with the turn the conversation had taken.

"No single monotonal phrases." I chanted in a sing-song voice.

His frown deepened but he humored me as I knew he would, "Along with our obvious differences from the human race, many of us, when we are changed develop certain talents. I can follow a vampire -- or human -- by the feel of their mind."

I sat upright, intrigued, "Really? You could find me anywhere in the world by my mind?"

He nodded impassively.

"Is that like reading thoughts?"

"No. Each mind has a certain flavor to it, similar to a personality. I recognize it and am able to sense and follow it no matter the distance."

"That is so cool."

He smiled ruefully, "I am not sure the person I'm tracking would feel the same as you."

"Well, yeah," I stated a bit vigorously. "If you had to track them that meant they were in trouble. I wouldn't bring that down on my head."

A dark eyebrow rose, "You have, though."

I waved it away dismissively, "No, you were just annoyed, not mad. There's a difference."

"That could have turned very bad, Sarah." He said quietly and I felt the usual twinge of guilt at getting him angry enough to attack me -- followed by the shiver that went down my spine at his mention of my name.

I played up the nonchalance, "I wasn't worried."

"I'm serious, Sarah." His eyes were sharp as he watched my reaction.

I got goose bumps now when he said my name.

"So am I." He was being too serious for my mood so I changed the subject. My other questions would have to wait, "Can I go outside today?"

He rolled his head in mock annoyance; it was a daily question. I was all ready for the normal 'it's too dangerous' speech, but he surprised me.

"Actually yes, you can go outside today. I received permission to take you out. The garden is to be cleared."

I jumped off the bed, squealing a bit, "Really?"

His eyes softened in amusement, which was all I ever got. I don't think he really ever smiled at least I had yet to see it.

"Really." He affirmed.

I could scarcely contain my excitement, "When?"

"Now, if you would like."

I put my hands on my hips and scowled at him, "And you were going to let me waste the day talking?"

He held his hands up, palms forward to fend me off, "I was just waiting for the question."

I slipped on my flip-flops and grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the door. I could have been trying to move a glacier for all the distance I got. I turned and looked back at him, he was looking at our hands and I couldn't read his expression. I dropped his hand and shrugged helplessly. He never tried to touch me; I figured it tempted him too much.

"Sorry."

"No need to be. You are warmer then I thought. It was … unexpectedly pleasant."

I laughed at his reticence and grabbed his hand again. It was cold and hard and made my skin tingle, "Come on then."

"Wait, Sarah," He said gently, pulling me behind him. "Let me go ahead, just to be safe."

The thought of needing to be safe quelled my enthusiasm. I had been captive for so long it was all too easy to forget were I was and who I was with since I was no longer afraid of _him. _I didn't even notice his red eyes anymore, though I still couldn't look directly into them for long without forgetting everything and even that was becoming frighteningly pleasant, to use his terminology.

I followed him closely, jumping at every sound, as he led the way to the garden. To my relief, we saw not another soul and he never tensed, so I felt safe as he let me step into the sunshine.

The garden was more beautiful up close then it was from our window, though that could have been because I was out in it as opposed to above looking down. Flowers of every hue and shape waved in the breeze, cheerfully greeting everyone who came through the door as they reached ever higher to the sun.

Roses grew everywhere, draping the walls in bright splashes of color. They alone would have won any horticulture award there was. Their heady scent filled the enclosed space and swirled around me, calming my soul. I felt three months of tension ease as I breathed in the warm, perfumed air.

The splashing of the little fountains was soothing and the sun was shining brightly. I lifted my face to feel its heat on my face. When I looked down again I saw little rainbows of light dancing along the ground. I turned, perplexed, to learn what it was and stopped short.

It was him. He sparkled in the sun like his skin was made of cut glass or diamonds and I couldn't help touching his cool skin to see if it would transfer to me.

"I thought vampires couldn't go outside in the sun." I said in amazement. The sunlight from the windows in his room had never reached him where he usually sat in his chair reading, so this I had never seen -- never expected. It was fascinating.

He actually chuckled -- a low, luscious sound that caused my heart to respond with a strange little squeak, at my astonished expression. "We can't in front of most of the population, but it doesn't hurt us. That is only in the stories."

"It's amazing."

And it was; even more so then the lush flowers or the sound of the fountains. I wanted to stay and watch him glitter in the sun, but he shrugged me off telling me I could see that anytime from our window, but I only had this one day to be outside and as I had begged for it for so long, I really shouldn't waste it on staring at him.

Then he went to sit on a bench under the roses and allowed me to explore on my own. The garden was expansive and carefully cultivated. I had always been attracted to gardens and the colors and textures of this one were dizzying. Even with my limited knowledge of horticulture, I knew whoever worked it were true masters of their art.

I spent some of my time lying in the soft manicured grass watching the clouds in the sky, feeling the breeze on my skin, listening to the birds as they sang sweetly in the trees and bushes. It had been a long time since I had felt so free.

But all too soon the sky was darkening and the sun was setting and he was calling me back. I debated pretending I hadn't heard him, blaming my weak human ears, but ultimately I didn't relish the risk of losing my one true privilege. Perhaps if I was good I would be allowed to return. I hoped so.

I ran back the way I had come, luxuriating in the feel of the almost forgotten movement, and caught my foot on the bumpy cobblestone path. I would have gone sprawling if he hadn't been there to catch me and set me on my feet with an expression of long-suffering.

On impulse, I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly, "Thank you, oh, thank you, so much." I exulted.

He was too still and so I backed away ready to apologize for again overstepping my bounds, but he stopped me by very carefully wrapping his arms around me and squeezing gently.

"No, thank you, Sarah." He breathed and I caught my breath at the smell. It was better then the roses. In fact, it was several seconds before I could even remember the roses.

His arms felt good around me -- even if they were cold and hard, and it was nice to have that kind of contact with another being. I had come from a loving family; we were affectionate and had thought nothing of it. Isolation was not so good for someone like me and it took this to remind me of what I had not realized I had been missing.

I pulled back and smiled up into his face. His eyes softened and when he let me go a moment later, I was surprised and a little frightened at the emptiness I felt -- and the warmth.

"Come," he said diffidently, gently taking my hand in his. "The others will be here soon and you cannot be here at the same time."

I nodded, my head spinning, and allowed him to tow me back inside wondering what exactly it was I was feeling.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Name**

That night, I felt a little sore, so I showered earlier then normal. Because I had been outside all day and more active than usual, I didn't think anything of it until I stepped out of the hot, steamy air of the bathroom and felt the room spinning. He caught me before I hit the floor. His voice was anxious as he called my name and I could feel the tension in his hands as he touched my face.

I whimpered at his cold touch. My whole body ached and my skin unexpectedly hurt to the touch. The room still whirled out of control, though I knew I was not moving.

"You are so hot," He told me as he laid me on the bed.

I didn't feel hot, though, I felt like I was freezing. My teeth chattered and I was shaking uncontrollably. He piled the blankets on and stood looking down on me, his eyes wide and dark with helplessness. Somehow, I realized that he knew absolutely nothing about being sick or taking care of someone who was and I was sicker then I had ever been.

I don't remember much after that. My temperature soared and I began to hallucinate. I saw my mom and was chased by a nightmare creature with glaring red eyes and glistening fangs.

I heard voices, but they boomed too loudly in my oversensitive ears and I was unable to make out what they said. The tone was worried and I wondered why. The bright light of the room hurt my eyes and I tried to tell the voices to turn it off, but my tongue seemed to fill my mouth and I gave up.

I felt hard, cold iron bands hold me down and I fought against them while my arm was pricked and something that burned was forced into my veins. As my thoughts whirled uncomprehendingly through my mind, I worried that I had been bitten. But why would something bite me?

Later, after I had been released from the icy bands and it was quiet and dark again, I felt something cool resting against me and turned instinctively towards it, if only to cool the burn of my skin. It was soothing and as long as I didn't move too much, I was able to sleep a little easier.

I don't know when it was that I finally opened my eyes for real -- some of the hallucinations had been so real. I was stiff and beginning to feel fabulously hungry, but other than that I felt fine. The soft light didn't hurt my eyes and it was quiet in the room, no noise assailed my tender ears.

It surprised me to see a pair of very dark, alert eyes staring into mine not two inches from my face, though and I gasped. He lay still beside me and pulled back a bit, watching me in concern. It would seem he had been my ice pack. I felt a keen loss at the distance and barely stopped myself from reaching for him.

"Are you all right, Sarah?" He asked as he tentatively brushed a strand of sweat stiffened hair off my forehead.

I closed my eyes at the feather light touch and nodded. His smooth hand moved to cup my cheek gently. His scent soothed my tender nerves.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

I opened my eyes again and smiled, "Yeah, but I'm hungry." My voice was raspy and I sounded like a chain smoker.

I guess my mention of food convinced him I was fine because he relaxed and his eyes softened into crimson velvet, "You scared me."

His thumb ran lightly across my cheek. Was it my imagination or was it as if he could not stop touching me? Not that I wanted him to stop. I was just unsure if this was another of my hallucinations.

I licked my cracked lips and cleared my throat, "I scared myself. How long have I been out?"

"Two days and three nights. I had to pay a call to the doctor from the village."

I felt myself grow pale – well paler, I was sure I had no color, "You didn't kill him, did you? I don't think I could have handled it if someone had had to die because I was stupid enough to get sick." My heart protested the anxiety by giving a feeble little splutter.

His palm rested for a moment on the pulse at my neck, "No, he's safe. Do not worry. I would not hurt him for helping you, Sarah."

I relaxed and closed my eyes again. I really wanted a shower, but my body suddenly felt like lead. I don't think I could have raised my head if I tried. I was so tired, which was stupid given that I had been unconscious for almost three days. I was also extremely content where I was, lying there in the dim with his hand on my skin. It was strangely comforting.

"Sarah," His voice was very soft, but I could still hear the worry in it. His thumb restlessly brushed my neck and jaw.

I swallowed and forced my eyes open. "I'm fine, I promise, just tired." Then I forced my body to a sitting position and turned to him, "I would really like a shower before I pass out again, though. I feel gross."

He looked as though he was going to refuse me, but ultimately he nodded curtly and scooped me up and off the bed in one quick movement. He set me gently on my feet in the bathroom and left me -- holding to the door jamb for dear life so I wouldn't fall, only to return in the blink of an eye with clean clothing.

"I am not sure if I can help you further," He said hesitantly, almost ashamedly.

His eyes flicked beyond me to the open bathroom as if it were some hideous torture chamber. It was then I noticed that his eyes were almost black today. Time had taught me what that meant and I waved him away. To be with me must have been torture and to turn up the heat -- refining my scent, would cause him agony he certainly didn't deserve.

"I'll be fine." I lied convincingly. My legs felt like jell-o and I wasn't at all sure I would be able to take one step on my own, much less get through the process of undressing, bathing and redressing. "You should go get something to eat … drink … whatever. And bring me something back."

"You are sure? You won't fall?"

He was hovering, waiting for my strength to give out.

I scowled fiercely, "Go. Now."

And I pushed him towards the door, well, pressed one hand against his chest in a weak attempt to push. I didn't have the strength for more than that and I didn't dare let go of the door jamb. I really wanted a shower – and I really wanted him to be able to go and feed, so that he could come back. I could handle being alone while I had something to do, like shower, but it chilled me to think of being alone while I had nothing to do, like sleep.

He felt my weakness and my hesitance to let him go and was reluctant to leave. I had to grit my teeth and step far enough into the bathroom on my own two feet to close the door before he would finally leave. After that, I reasoned, it couldn't be all that difficult to get through my shower -- I barely made it.

The hot water felt so good on my sore muscles. I let it pound on me until I was bright pink. I nearly fell over when I dropped the soap and bent to retrieve it; only the thought of his suffering at having to come in and get me, kept my head together enough to fight back the dark.

I managed to wash my hair twice to make sure I removed all the sweat from it. I brushed my teeth and was even able to floss, too – three days of not brushing had made things a little fuzzy. When I stepped out, I almost felt like a new person. A very weak and tired person, but new nonetheless.

I barely made it back to bed before my legs gave out. He must have changed the sheets because they smelled nice and clean, like the sun and the garden. It reminded me of my day of freedom and I smiled at the thought. It had been a good day no matter how it had ended.

I let my thoughts run as I lay there drained and slightly on edge until he came back. It was amazing, the relief I felt when I saw him, like a weight on my heart was lifted. I felt my eyes drifting shut, but I didn't sleep.

"Demetri?" I called in a pathetic whisper.

The silence that followed was so great it filled the room. I opened my eyes and turned my head. He was standing motionless in the middle of the floor watching me. His vibrantly ruby eyes surprised and, unexpectedly, soft and vulnerable.

"What?" I asked in alarm as I struggled to sit up.

"No, Sarah, lay back." He was at my side in a flash pushing me back against the pillows. He pulled the blankets up to my chin and tucked them tenderly around me.

I blinked, fighting the darkness that threatened to overwhelm me, "What did I do?" I mumbled tiredly.

He brushed a hand through my damp hair, "You called me by my name. I haven't heard you say it before. You cannot imagine how it sounded to me."

I looked up at him suddenly realizing he was right, I hadn't ever used his name. I hadn't had reason. I hadn't wanted to. I hadn't wanted to even be here, much less be close enough to him to use his name. Names made things personal.

Somehow, things had become personal.

But I didn't have the energy to explore or explain it right then. It was taking everything I had just to keep my eyes open, "Oh. Please don't leave me, Demetri."

It was a mumbled mess, but he must have understood because he was lying next to me in a moment. His cool, sweet smelling body curled protectively around mine. His hand never stopped brushing my hair and face. I think I even felt his lips on my forehead, but at that point I was too far gone. I sighed in acute relief, nestled closer and allowed myself to drift.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - Recovery**

It took several weeks for me to recover after my three day illness. We were never sure what it was or what had caused it. Demetri took my recovery very seriously, often cajoling me into 'one more bite' or an extra nap. He watched me more carefully than ever, and I had to tell him often that all humans get sick at some time in their short lives. It was a risk we faced. I saw the expression of fear enter his eyes at those times.

He was pretending to read a book when I caught him staring at me, the fear plain in his crimson eyes. I got up from where I sat curled on the bed in the late afternoon sun and made room to curl up on his lap, laying my head in the hollow of his neck, listening to the soothing sound of his breathing, dragging his scent deep into my lungs. Memorizing it. Since my sickness, I didn't like too much distance between us and though I knew I tempted him, I trusted him and couldn't help feeding the need I felt.

"You shouldn't worry so much." I said softly, smoothing a wrinkle in his shirt. "All humans get sick. It comes with imperfect bodies." I repeated my part of the conversation again and he sighed as he curled his arm around me and began rubbing little circles on my thigh with his thumb.

"I can't help it; you are far too fragile." He laid his cheek against my hair. "I keep expecting the next episode."

I laughed quietly, "It could be tomorrow or in ten years or never. I have never been as sick as that. Would you have sent me to the hospital?" I hadn't asked that question before and I felt him stiffen.

"You were hallucinating and talking about ... I don't think …" His voice faded, pained and full of regret.

I covered his restless hand with mine and intertwined my fingers with his. I marveled at the size difference. He was so big and strong, yet he had really quite beautiful hands and wrists … and forearms … and … everything.

"I understand."

His fingers curled into a fist around mine and I know he fought not to crush my hand, "That's just it, you shouldn't _have _to understand. You shouldn't have to be here. It's not right." His husky voice was harsh in his conviction.

I smiled at the beauty of his voice, "There are a lot of things that happen in this world that are not right, but I don't mind being _here_. This may have been one wrong that was right."

I felt him shake his head. "No."

I shrugged, "Well, it's done and can't be changed now, so don't think about it. You can hardly have regrets over something that can't be altered."

His hand relaxed. He knew I was right.

"Shall I read to you?'" he asked, taking my advice and attempting to forget about it.

I couldn't imagine anything better then his low husky voice filling the room, "Depends on what you're reading." I actually couldn't care less, but felt I had to keep him on his toes -- for form's sake.

I looked at the open book he still held. It wasn't English, could have been Spanish or Italian or Latin, but the book itself didn't look old enough for the last.

"It's Don Quixote, in the original Spanish." He said quietly, holding it closer for me to examine. "Do you understand Spanish or shall I get something different?"

I shook my head as I stifled a yawn. I was still weak, "Don't bother, that will be fine. I doubt I'll be able to stay awake for more then a page."

"Do you need a blanket?"

I considered, his skin was quite cool, but there was not a whole lot of skin on skin contact. I would survive and I didn't want to move or feel the further distance the blanket would put between us, "No, I'm good."

He began without further comment.

I had heard a lot Spanish spoken by the people who lived in my home town, but never had it sounded quite like this. It dripped from his tongue like warm honey; golden and pure. His perfect intonation and inflection surrounded me and wreaked havoc with my heart.

He stopped when he heard it, "Are you all right, Sarah?" Concern darkened his luscious voice further and his arm tightened around me. I never wanted it to relax.

"I'm fine. It's beautiful."

"I hardly think the story of a bumbling fool is beautiful." He said sardonically as he closed the book and exaggeratedly examined the cover.

I smiled, "I don't have a clue what you're saying anyway. I meant your voice is beautiful. I used to think that only looking in your eyes could stun me, but I am learning I was very wrong."

He chuckled softly, his breath ruffling my hair, "Well, we are made to attract your kind."

"What a way to go. Does it take the fear away?" I genuinely wanted to know.

He was thoughtful, "Maybe, but not the pain. Would you like me to continue? Will your poor heart be able to take it?"

I sat up slowly and peered into his eyes, "Were you teasing me just then?"

His eyes were soft and a smile played around the edges of his lips.

"I wasn't sure that was possible," I said with a grin. "It's good to know."

His face suddenly sobered, "Sarah." He whispered.

"Yes?" It hadn't escaped my notice that my face was only a few inches from his.

The hand that had been holding his book a mere second sooner slid up my arm causing me to shiver and paused for a moment as he brushed my cheekbone with his cool fingers. His breathing had quickened and the red eyes that were no longer frightening, darkened to crimson velvet.

"Be a good girl," He whispered as he slipped his hand under my ear and cupped my jaw.

I didn't move, unsure as to what he meant, but almost completely sure of his intent. I trembled in anticipation.

He pulled my face closer and brushed my cheek with the lightest of kisses. Still I didn't move, though I could feel my heart throbbing in my chest and that seemed to make my whole body vibrate.

I was good -- really, I was -- until his lips gently brushed mine and then I could not stop the sigh that came through them or my arms as they curled around his neck and pressed him closer to me. My movements weren't rushed or urgent, just impossible to stop. Inevitable. I had to be closer -- inside his skin would have been good.

Demetri didn't stiffen, but he did stop moving. I opened my eyes and found his pressed tightly shut, his strong jaw was tight.

I waited not moving, trying not to breathe while at the same time calm my heart. When he finally sighed and opened his eyes. They were fierce and hungry but I couldn't back away. I was entranced. Then he settled me again against him, retrieved his book and continued reading as if nothing had happened. I let his words swirl around me as my heart quieted and my thoughts ran.

You know that kiss, the one that leaves all others behind and irrevocably changes your life? Well, I had just received it.

I had never been so naïve as to think that there was one special person out there just for me. I mean, there had to be hundreds who would have worked well for me and me for him, but in those quiet moments after that one soft, hesitant and frighteningly tender kiss, as the incomprehensible story of a bumbling fool wrapped me in warmth, I knew I had been wrong. There had only ever been one and there would only ever be one and all my life I had been waiting and searching just for _him_. Demetri. Strange how life is.

I must have fallen asleep at some point for I woke up some time later while it was still dark out. I was alone and that left a hole in me, but I knew he would come back – he always came back.

So I lay there quietly and waited in the dark. The wait wasn't long and soon he was there, curling around me. The sweet scent of his skin perfuming the air I breathed, his restless hands smoothing my hair and brushing my skin. I cuddled closer, he pulled the blankets snug around me, and I fell asleep this time until the light of morning woke me.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - Snow**

The months wore on and it got cooler. Demetri didn't notice the change in weather, but I did and soon I had to request heavier clothing and more blankets. The castle got cold at night and since I no longer slept alone I was freezing. He had lost his wary look as he watched me, but I could still read the concern there, especially when I jumped up first thing in the morning and raced to the bathroom for a hot shower in order to get warm. It was as if he was waiting for the inevitable, helpless to stop it and helpless to look away.

"I should just request a room change," He commented one morning as I emerged from the bathroom with dry hair and completely covered in two layers of clothing. "One with a hearth."

I looked around in consternation at the room that had become nearly my whole world. I would hate to leave it, but the thought a warm and crackling fire was tempting. I reached up to kiss him, "That, I will leave totally up to you. You have been here for so long. I don't want you to have to move because of me."

He frowned, but pulled me close against his chest and buried his face in my hair, breathing deep, "And I don't want you to get sick again because of me. It snowed last night."

Excited, I tore myself away and ran to the window, throwing it wide. A thin blanket of pure white covered everything like the freshest and purest frosting. The garden sparkled in the early sun, almost as beautiful as Demetri, nearly blinding me. I turned back to him grinning widely.

"I didn't think it snowed here."

"It doesn't often." His eyes were soft this morning. They lit at my enthusiasm and that elusive grin of his played at the edges of his lips.

"Think you could get me another get out of jail free card?" I asked brightly.

His smile was gone all too soon and he frowned, no doubt remembering what happened the last time I had been allowed outside, "I am not sure I can."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms, "Can or _will_?"

"You nearly died the last time you went out," He said in a tight voice. I could see his body tense and his eyes darken.

"I doubt that was because I went outside. It's _good_ for humans to go outside." I said with a cajoling grin as I reached out and touched his clenched fist. I tried to play up the human card as often as I could.

He sighed in defeat -- as I knew he would, I really was quite spoiled -- and looked behind me and out the window, "I'll see what I can do." He made no move to leave the room.

"Now?" I asked impatiently. "I really would like a chance to play in the snow. We get some at home and I always look forward to it. Snow always seems to make the winter more bearable."

I tried not to sound so wistful, but it was hard. I was sure Christmas was right around the corner, but had lost track of the days. I would have to think of something to get him. Something I could acquire without leaving the four walls of my home.

"Give me a moment," He said.

I launched myself at him and he easily caught me, the smile returning at my enthusiastic little display, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." I said as I gave him a resounding kiss between each thank you.

He put me down and left the room shaking his head, but pleased and I used the time he was away to dig around for a pair of gloves and a scarf. I found the coat that he had bought me, but really didn't want to use it. I was hoping I would be moving enough to keep the rest of me warm enough. I laid the scar and gloves, along with a beanie I found at the bottom of the bottom drawer, out in the top drawer of the dresser, so I would be ready and sat down at the desk to sketch the winter landscape.

I couldn't help throwing a glance out the window every now and then as I drew distractedly. The sun was rising and I could tell the temperature was also. It was hard to be patient and I hoped Demetri would hurry and get back with good news before the snow melted completely away. Already I could see glittering drops fall from the roof.

I heard him as he entered this time; the cold caused the usually silent door to protest with a slight creak as he came through. I raised my head expectantly. His face was unusually sober and I felt my face fall in disappointment. I sighed in frustration and turned back to my sketch without a word unable to help pouting a little. He didn't have to tell me that the answer was no, his face said it all.

He silently took the three or so steps to me, his hand slipping under my hair at the back of my neck and resting there in consolation for a moment before he spoke into my ear. I shivered at the feel of his cold breath. It wasn't all that different from the wind that blew in through the open window, yet I could hardly shiver with cold when his hands touched my skin.

"It's all been taken care of. The order has been sent that the gardens must be cleared immediately and no one is to go back until nightfall." He whispered into my ear, his lips brushing innocently against it.

The sluggish clicking of his words in my befuddled brain was the only thing that kept my heart from jumping out of my chest and I looked up, "You were playing with me?" I asked incredulously. He pulled back and grinned suddenly and fully, his features turning very boyish and his eyes lightened mischievously.

"You brat," I scolded even as I jumped up and retrieved my things from the drawer.

"Wait for a moment, Sarah. They have only just given the order. It will take a little time."

I turned, pulling on my gloves, my expression pained. "Nothing takes time for you," I pointed out needlessly.

He chuckled low in his chest, "Everyone needs a little time, even vampires."

I responded by knotting my scarf securely around my neck and yanking my hat on.

"Okay, time's up. I'm ready."

He looked up to the ceiling and shook his head.

"Hey, _I_ don't have all the time in the world, remember?"

Having had enough of my wheedling for the moment, he grabbed me up and kissed me until I was breathless and in no need of a coat. I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, though I was the first to pull away for air. He had a good strategy, but I was not to be swayed, even by one of his dizzying kisses. A day of relative freedom was so close at hand, I could taste it.

"I think that should do it," He said softly, releasing me to stand – well, wobble -- on my own power.

I licked my lips, reveling in his taste, "The kiss or the time?"

He smiled at me then grew grave, "Stay close and don't run off until I have made sure it is completely safe."

I nodded, feeling a bit of the old fear creep into my chest, but I didn't want him to know it, "Yes, mother." I said a bit breathlessly.

He saw through me and touched my cheek softly, "I will keep you safe." He promised in response to what he saw and heard.

I nodded confidently, "I know."

He smiled and opened the door, "Come on. At your speed it will take half the morning to just get down there." He threw over his shoulders as he started out.

"You're the one leading." I reminded him and I made a face at his back.

The snow squashed nicely under my feet. It wasn't so deep that it got into my socks, but there wasn't so little that I couldn't make an appropriately sized snowball, either. I happily lobbed it the back of Demetri's head, where it connected with a satisfying splat. That should teach him to call_ me_ slow.

He turned with a look of amazement on his face and shifted his stance to something I had never seen and didn't look completely right for a human. It was as if he was getting ready to jump on me. If he had had a tail it would have been twitching in anticipation.

"Oh, don't tell me you didn't think I was going to pelt you with snow?" I asked taking a nervous step back and preparing myself to run.

His crimson eyes narrowed in response to the quavering note of uncertainty in my voice and he smiled wolfishly, the sun glinting off his exposed teeth.

"You better not," I warned, taking another step.

He growled low in his chest. A sound so menacing that it raised the hair on my neck and arms. I knew there was no way I was escaping him.

I tried logic. "Demetri, that is totally unwarranted. It was just a little snowball."

He leapt and I squeezed my eyes shut bracing for impact. I trusted him completely not to hurt me, but it was impossible to stop the little shriek that escaped me as his body came in contact with mine and we went sliding across the snow.

I tried to jump up as soon as we were stationary, but he was having none of that. I struggled uselessly for a couple of moments before giving up and going limp. He was laughing -- not the little chuckles I had already heard or the soft chiding ones he saved for my more human moments, but really laughing hard. It bounced off the walls and snow covered shrubs and it warmed me instantly. It was almost as fascinating as his voice.

I could tell the sound startled him a bit and it made me strangely upset. I wondered how long it had been since he had really laughed like that, but I didn't ask because his hold had loosened. I took advantage of it and bounded to my feet. I took off through the maze-like gardens at a dead sprint, hoping I remembered enough from my previous visit to make the chase somewhat interesting. I knew he would catch me and more soon than late, but it felt good to run.

The crisp air was invigorating and I hadn't felt this good in a long time. I chanced it and threw a glance over my shoulder, praying I wouldn't run into a shrub. I slowed when I didn't see him then stopped, turning in a complete circle looking for some sign of his presence and wondering what he had in store for me. I heard a low growl to my right and I shot off in the opposite direction, laughing too hard to properly escape.

As I turned to look over my shoulder again, a laugh in my throat, I slammed into something cold and hard. It threw me to the ground and I lay unmoving in the slushy snow for a moment until I could breathe and the stars had disappeared. I felt fear prickle my skin and I was coated in an icy sweat that had me shivering immediately and knew it was not Demetri I had ran into. He would never have let me fall.

I sat up slowly, then climbed to my feet, keeping all movements as calm as I could. Standing a few feet in front of me was a tall, sandy-haired vampire. Strangely, his breathtakingly handsome features were made even more so by the terrifying excitement gleaming in his vibrant eyes. He watched me curiously for a second then his lips curled away from his teeth and he flashed a bright, insincere smile. I eased back a step. The sound of my breathing and pounding heart were suddenly too loud in the quiet of the snowy morning. Where was Demetri?

"What, out here all alone?" The vampire asked in feigned concern. His voice was golden.

I'm not sure what possessed me but I nodded my head.

"Little liar."

His wicked smile widened and he crouched as I tore my eyes from his. I couldn't very well stand there like a frozen lump of clay and I couldn't concentrate if I was looking at him directly. I took a deep breath and waited for the beating of my heart to reach a fevered pitch, letting me know when he had sprung. Hopefully I would be able to get out of the way quick enough.

But I didn't have to, because at that same moment I heard a furious roar to my left. It was nearly as terrifying as the blonde vampire had been, but was comfortingly familiar at the same time. There was the odd sound of rocks hitting one another and then a series of crunches and snaps and growls.

I raised my eyes in time to see Demetri literally tear the head off the tall vampire. It made a strange squealing sound as it came away from the majority of his body. It was like stones grinding against each other. My jaw dropped and I froze and I knew I would never forget the sound as long as I lived and breathed. Demetri saw my expression and hurled the gruesome souvenir over the wall. He left the twitching body where it lay and I finally found the strength to close my eyes, sealing out the shocking sight.

"Sarah, are you all right?" He demanded as he gathered my stiff form to his chest. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

I hadn't found my voice yet, but I managed a quick shake of my head as I relaxed into him and let his nearness and scent comfort me.

"Idiot," He hissed through clenched teeth. "I can't imagine what he was thinking. Let's go back."

He looked down at me in alarm when I didn't move. The joy and light of the day had fled, leaving behind only a poor semblance of beauty. The snow frosted garden did not seem like such a wonderland now. Rather it was full of dark and leering shadows that waited for me to step away from my protector so they could gobble me up.

"Sarah."

I swallowed and tried to wet my lips, but my tongue wasn't up to working just yet. I just shook my head again. Walking was also not possible at this juncture, not until my knees had stopped threatening to give out and dump me on the cold ground. Demetri realized is without me having to say a word and his jaw tightened. He lifted me easily into his arms and moved with more speed than I ever thought possible to our room.

I felt I could breathe again once we were safely inside but as soon as he set me down, I sank to my knees and fought the overwhelming urge to rock.

"Never again," He murmured as he knelt in front of me. "Sarah, you're safe. You can calm down. I'd never let anything happen to you."

I found my voice, "What happened back there? I thought everyone had been ordered away."

Demetri shook his head curtly, his dark curls bobbing with the motion and he got to his feet in a lightening quick motion. He paced, more agitated then I had ever seen him, his hands clenched tightly behind his back.

"They had been. But he got curious and then your scent hit him. Aro is not going to be pleased."

I lurched to my feet in alarm. I knew little more about Aro other than he was the equivalent of Demetri's boss and I had a feeling he was more like a Mafia boss than a regular boss, "With you or him?" I wouldn't have Demetri get into trouble because he was trying to protect me.

"Both, most likely. It's a terrible inconvenience to lose one so young. I just hope he wasn't a rising star." He snarled the last word and turned to me.

I had sunk into the desk chair and was abjectly studying the floor, "I'm a liability." I said softly.

I had always known it, just never wanted to face the fact. It would mean that I would have to make a decision. A very complicated, eternity altering decision.

"This is not your fault," He said, controlling the anger in his voice -- for my benefit, I was certain. "It is mine and it was his. He knew better then to go to the gardens. He knew I would be there and he also knew he had no hope of ever beating me in a fight. He hoped to catch you alone and finish you before I had a chance to rip him apart, but he knew I would, sooner or later."

There was a quick rap on the door and Demetri glared at it. I jumped at the sound and whipped around to face the door. No one had ever come to his room that I knew of. He left each night for about an hour to learn the news and to feed, but no one had ever come to get him.

I jumped out of my chair and stood close behind him, my palm pressed to the small of his back as if I could halt the inevitable. He reached back, his strong hand curling around my wrist in case he had to pull me out of the way quickly and he cautiously opened the door.

A vampire taller then Demetri and wider too, with huge, thickly corded muscles bulging everywhere, stood just outside the door with a mocking smile on his face. I stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. Demetri was the strongest person I had ever known and though he was not nearly as bulky as some of the bodybuilders I had seen on TV, I knew he was stronger than they were a thousand times over. Yet this vampire looked as though he could easily snap Demetri in two if he wished.

Demetri turned to me. "Stay here, against the back wall." He ordered letting go of my imprisoned wrist.

I nodded and swallowing my fear – and instincts, turned my back to the pair and went to sit with my back against the far wall.

"Seems you've trained her well, Demetri," The tall vampire smirked; I turned my eyes away from his when they grew leering.

"She's not a dog, Felix," I heard Demetri growl. "She has every right to be terrified of us."

"But she is not of you, is she?"

Demetri had had enough of the conversation. "What do you want, Felix?" His voice was tight but resigned and I realized he knew what the summons was for.

"The masters would like to see you. Something about a newborn being separated from his head -- would you like me to keep an eye on things here?"

A furious snarl pulled my eyes from the floor.

"Not unless you would like your head removed from your body as well."

Felix looked bored, "I am rather attached to it. But if you would rather I didn't …"

That was the last I heard. Demetri shot me one last look and stepped into the corridor, closing the door firmly behind him. Having hung around with a vampire for more than a few months, I had to laugh; it wasn't like a door could stop one if he really wanted to get to me.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – Decisions & Consequences**

While Demetri was gone I made my long passed due decision. I would have to talk to him about it, make him to promise a few things, but hopefully it would diffuse the situation. It terrified me, but at last I knew I had put it off as long as I could.

I hated being cooped up, a virtual prisoner, even if I adored my jailor. I made his life hard, harder than I was willing to admit even yesterday. I saw him struggle with his instincts and his emotions, forcing them to merge and bend to his will. I appreciated his efforts -- loved him all the more for them, but it was time to face the truth. Neither of us could be happy while I remained here. Neither of us could live full lives and we certainly couldn't be together unless something changed.

It was impossible to have everything.

I took my time showering, breaking my promise to stay out of the way, but at this point it hardly mattered. One vampire was much like another. I shaved, careful not to nick myself and stepped out. I dried my hair and examined it in the mirror. It was longer then I would have liked – just brushing my shoulders, but then I hadn't been able to see a stylist in seven months.

Had it really been that long? Half a year had passed and I hadn't seemed to notice it. I laughed humorlessly as I thought again of Christmas. I knew what I was getting – that both terrified and thrilled me. I just hoped Demetri would be content with his gift.

I slipped into one of his t-shirts again. I didn't fear it now. His scent calmed me and gave me more courage than I felt. Then I went to wait. It grew dark and I shivered in my thin clothing and pulled the blankets around me. The window was still open and I could see the first stars come out in the clear, sharp sky and I wondered what they would look like tomorrow.

The sky grew blacker and I grew stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. I began to get worried. Demetri had never left me alone this long. Had 'the masters' done something to him to punish him from killing the other vampire? I felt helpless tears sting my eyes and I brushed them away impatiently. Now was not the time to fall apart. Later, when I had reason – _if_, I had reason, I could, but now, I needed to be patient and wait. Demetri would come.

Just as the sun was breaking over the horizon and lightening the sky to a pale grey, I heard the door creak open. I abandoned my warm cocoon, somewhat stiffly, and bounded across the room to jump into his arms. Demetri pulled me against him. Every line in his hard body was strained and tense. As I looked up into his face I saw that his eyes were darker than usual, full of some unreadable emotion. He refused to let me go and sank into his chair, pulling me down with him into his lap and burying his face in my hair.

"I --"

I shook my head and interrupted, sitting up straight to look him in the eyes. They were impassive, "No, it's my turn. I have been horribly selfish and unthinking. We can't go on like this. It's not safe for me and utterly ridiculous that I rely totally on you to be there every moment to protect me. It's not good for you, either. It keeps you from doing what you need to."

"Sarah, I don't mind," He protested. "You are the essential thing, not me. My life was one long monotonous bore before Heidi found you. You have made me feel more alive then I have in centuries." His lips brushed against my jaw and my thoughts scattered as my heart sped up.

"Please don't," I begged. "I can't think while you do that. I have a little more to say, then you can do whatever you like."

"Whatever I like?" he asked, his lips twitching as he raised a dark eyebrow. My leg was suddenly very warm under his icy fingers.

I averted my eyes, from his hungry gaze, "Don't distract me. It's important." He sat back a little further away from me in a visible effort to be good.

"I want … no, that isn't right," I muttered starting over. "I _need_ you to change me," his body stiffened and I rushed on. "I mean, it's not like there are too many alternatives." I forced a laugh then waited in silence as he thought.

His answer was hesitant and fear laced, "I am not sure I could do it. I … might not be able to stop." He looked down at the floor.

I put my hands on either side of his faced and waited until he looked at me. "If that happens to be the case, then it's fine. I would rather you take my life than someone else. At least I would know that some part of me would live on in you."

"That's morbid," He retorted in a tight voice.

I narrowed my eyes, "Maybe, but it's _my_ life and I will have some control over it. This is the only thing that makes sense and I want it."

His eyes were hard, "Why would you _desire_ this?" He gestured to himself.

I sighed – what a loaded question, "At this point, my family probably thinks I'm dead and I have resigned myself to the idea that I might never see them again. That is fine, I can deal with that." I took a deep breath and pressed on quickly before my nerves could make me change my mind. "What I can't deal with is never seeing you again. I can't live with that." I lowered my voice, "I think I love you, Demetri." I paused then forced my voice to be strong and not waver, "So, whether I die or am changed, it won't matter."

Demetri didn't say anything for a long time. His face gave nothing away and I waited trying not to squirm impatiently.

"It would matter to me," He said softly, his eyes smoldering as they peered into mine. "It's probably a good thing that you came to this decision on your own. I have been ordered to change you or," – his eyes changed and he paused unhappily – "dispose of you."

I cringed, sick at the thought. He tightened his arms around me.

"You really want to stay with me?" he asked in a soft voice. I think as a distraction.

I nodded against his chest, "If you want me to. I'm a pain, though."

He chuckled softly, "I know that and I love you too, Sarah. Before you ever knew it, I was yours. I have been worried that you would never come to think of me in that way, that you were disgusted by me … by what I am. I never hoped to hear those words come from your lips."

My heart reacted more fittingly to his words then I ever could, but I pulled away to look at him again, make sure that he knew that my next words were nonnegotiable.

"There's just one thing."

He waited suddenly anxious.

I had to be very clear on this point, "I can't feed on humans. I just can't, Demetri. I don't care what you say; the thought of it makes me nearly crazy. I will still have human family; it will be their faces I see. I can't do it -- more than that I won't."

He took a deep breath, "That is easier said then done. Perhaps you should wait until after to make that decision. We are made to feed on humans; it is our preferred food source."

I leaped at the thought, "Preferred, but not necessary?"

He shook his head slowly, "No. There are some of our kind who refuse to use humans as food. They exist on animals." He looked mildly disgusted at the thought.

"Could you teach me how to do it?"

He was hesitant to promise something he wasn't sure he could, "I don't know. I have never done it myself."

"Would you try, for me?"

"I would do anything for you, Sarah, but I am not sure I can do _this_. It takes substantial willpower and there are humans here, the scent of fresh blood ..." he looked down and away as if he were ashamed of his weakness.

"We would be doing it together." I offered laying my forehead against his.

He tightened his arms, "I guess then it would be worth a try."

I kissed him.

"What's the deadline?" I asked, mentally cringing at my choice of words. Now that the preliminaries were over, it was time to get down to business.

"Two days, to be disposed of or in the middle of the change."

"It takes more than two days?" I blanched at the thought. "You said it was painful."

"It is, very." He said.

I made a face, "Don't hold anything back, alright."

He flashed a hard smile, "I didn't want it to come as a shock."

"I think," I retorted wryly, "that all of it will come as a shock."

He chuckled darkly, "Yes, death normally does."

"How does it work?" We had never gotten passed the pain portion of the deed. My voice wavered a bit and Demetri's thumb rubbed restless circles against my skin in response to the fear he heard.

He was silent for a moment, collecting the thoughts he never wanted to share with me, "We don't have saliva, we have venom," He finally explained. "When we bite a human, it serves to incapacitate them. It enters the blood stream and causes such intense pain they are unable to escape. If we leave them while their heart still beats, the venom will spread throughout the body, changing the tissues and organs, eventually stopping the heart." He paused, his eyes and jaw hard, "When the change is finished, a vampire is born."

"So you will have to bite me?"

His hand froze as his eyes darkened and his jaw tightened, "That is where it gets difficult. It is extremely difficult to pull away from the lure of fresh blood. Nearly impossible."

I took his face in my hands again a bit desperately. He had to understand. "You _will_ stop. I trust you to stop, Demetri." I searched his eyes looking for the strength I knew was there.

"I will have to rely on that. I fed before I came back, that is why I took so long." He shook his head as if it weren't enough. "I prepared as well as I could."

My heart was starting to pick up a bit, but I tried to hide it under a confident tone, "Well, let's get it over with or the suspense will kill us both."

"You can have the day, Sarah," He offered.

I shook my head slowly, my confidence suddenly gone; replaced by fear, "It wouldn't be much of a day, I'm afraid."

"I agree."

He rose with me still in his arms and moved to the bed. I went rigid and squeezed my eyes shut the moment he laid me down. He surprised me when he curled up next to me and tenderly stroked my cheek.

"I am going to move very slowly to your chest," He said explaining softly. "It is quicker the nearer I can get to the heart. I will probably bite you on the wrists as well … if I can. Please, try to move as little as possible."

I tried to focus on the sensation of his hand on my skin. It was nearly impossible, I was so tense.

"Sarah, look at me."

I obediently opened my eyes and stared into his, for the first time allowing myself to be entranced. It was impossible to look away from the two drowning pools of crimson. I felt myself begin to relax against my will. His hands were never still and they made me very warm and I was suddenly very sleepy.

"You are very beautiful, Sarah. Very beautiful and very brave," His voice crept into my mind further muddling it. "I love you."

I felt a shift in his position, but couldn't focus on it. There was a single moment of quiet. Peace. I felt like I had sunk into a warm bath. Then something cold pressed above my left breast and a slicing pain caused me to tear away from the atmosphere he had created. I tried to fight, but all movement was impossible. I was held in firmly in place by steel bands. I could feel the blood being taken from my body.

For a moment the shock of it confused me. It reminded me of the time I had gotten blood taken for a test and I felt I was at the doctor's office again, though the procedure was happening in the wrong place. It felt numb around the wound and cold. It made me afraid to move, afraid the needle would cause more pain.

Then my memories came back and I remembered where I was and what was truly happening. I wasn't at a doctor's, I was in Italy. I don't know how I managed it, but I raised my head to see Demetri's dark one still bowed over my chest. I felt a dark flutter at the sight then let my head drop. It was becoming too heavy to hold up.

I was starting to shiver with cold. My heart stuttered and I knew there wasn't much time left. Somehow I freed my hand and raising it I placed it gently on his head. I felt the silken texture of his curls and heard the warning growl that ripped from him.

"Demetri," I whispered, it was a mere thread of sound. I was too weak to use more volume, but I knew he would hear me. Black was starting to close around my line of sight, narrowing it. I could hear my heart beginning to fade into nothing. It wouldn't be long now and I would be free. I just had one more thing to do. I took the deepest breath I could.

"I love you, too."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - Heaven**

All I remember after that was pain. A pain so intense, I wished he had let me die. I think at one point somewhere near the end, I begged him to end it and he sat stoic as he had through the whole ordeal. Except for his eyes. His eyes never once let me forget that he was there and experiencing the pain with me. They spoke volumes.

I tried to be quiet; reasoning quiet equaled control, but it was impossible. I was in too much agony and it was all-encompassing. Towards the end, though, I stopped screaming. My throat hurt and it wouldn't help anything anyway. That was a relief for both of us, I think.

Then as suddenly as they started, the pains begin to recede. My fingers and toes felt good again. The fire that had been gnawing along my veins was diminishing. I took a deep breath and sat up.

It was like I had never really breathed before. I could taste things on that breath that I never could before. A scent so delicious it made my mouth water hit me. I turned my head to the direction it came from and saw Demetri watching me from where he knelt on the floor at my side.

I saw his face more clearly then I ever had. The ruby of his eyes was truly amazing, so vibrant; his hair was dark as pitch and shiny and soft looking. I saw each individual strand and I laughed, startling myself at the familiar yet unfamiliar sound of my voice, as I reached out to touch him, to let my fingers trail down his face, feeling the texture of his smooth skin.

He watched me warily, as he had in the beginning, seeming to expect me to react in a manner in which he was unaccustomed – as if I ever acted the way he though I would. He cautiously caught my hand to his face.

"Is it over?" His voice nearly broke.

I moved a bit not feeling any pain, "I think so. How long has it been?"

"Two and a half days."

I leaned forward and brushed his lips with mine, "It seems your theory was right on."

He reached up and pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss to something we had never before shared. There was no need to be cautious or careful now. I would not break, his venom couldn't poison me, his teeth couldn't easily slice through my marbled skin. I threaded my fingers through his hair, tightening my hold on him, as greedy for him as he was for me. I don't think we broke apart for a long time. There was no need, neither of us needed air.

I pulled away first, my laughter sparking in the quiet room like silver bells, "I need a shower." I could feel my sweat stiffened hair sticking to my head and the salt was uncomfortable on my skin.

"You look beautiful," He said as he scooped me up and crushed me to his chest. Had I still been human, I'm sure it would have killed me; now I reveled in the strength of it. I felt him as I never had before.

He set me on my feet in the doorway to the bathroom, bringing on a rush of déjà vu, and left me alone. I was amazed again as I looked in the mirror and saw myself. I gasped in disbelief and walked slowly towards the smooth glass as if in a trance. I looked like an angel.

Every feature had been refined and perfected. My skin was a pale alabaster; I could see the fine tracery of blue veins underneath it. My wheaten hair was glossy and complemented my skin perfectly – of course. My eyes were the only thing to ruin the heavenly image; they were a brilliant shade of red, not the velvet crimson of Demetri's, but something fresher and more alive. They frightened me and I had to turn from the mirror. It was odd not to feel my heart pound in my chest.

It seemed that everything amazed me. If I concentrated, I could see each individual drop of water as it fell from the shower head. Each soap bubble burst with rainbows, even the wafting, undulating steam took on a life of its own. I enjoyed passing my arm through it just to see the patterns it made.

I remembered as I nearly tore the door off the linen closet, that I was a thousand times stronger then I had been. It made me careful, so everything remained more or less in one piece. Nothing was broken that couldn't be fixed or replaced. I dressed in the clothes that Demetri had set out for me.

"Demetri," I called as I walked out of the bathroom. My voice was going to take some getting used to.

"Hmm," he was staring out the window, lost in thought.

"Do you realize that I am gorgeous?" I couldn't help gushing, just a bit. It's not vanity if it's true, is it? And I had never been beautiful before.

He took one look at my astonished face and laughed, "You were beautiful before."

"No," I said with a toss of my head – the swirl and fall of my hair fascinated me. "I was ordinary."

His eyes softened into the velvet I loved so much, "You were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen."

A breeze tousled his dark curls as it entered the window and blew his scent towards me. I followed it until I stood in front of him. He had always smelled incredible, but my weak human nose had been unable to pick out what it was he smelled like until now.

"Demetri," I asked casually, looking up at him from under my lashes.

His eyes tightened, "Yes?"

I chewed my lower lip, "Would you be a very good boy and not move for a second?"

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

I wasn't sure if I could do what I had been longing to do for so long. I felt just a little on the edge of losing control. It was strange the power his scent had on me. I had been drawn to it before, but it also had always made me anxious – my human instincts knew what it meant and made me uncomfortable, though I had ignored them. Now, it touched something in me that I had never before felt. Something inside of me sounded and responded.

I couldn't trust my voice. I smiled as I eased the top button of his shirt open. He froze but allowed me to finish and slide the fabric from his shoulders. It hit the ground in a slither of sound.

With my changed eyes, Demetri was indescribably beautiful, but I didn't touch him yet. I closed my eyes instead and leaned close enough that my nose nearly brushed his shoulder and inhaled deeply. I heard his sharp intake of breath and my stomach tightened.

"Sarah," he said in a tightly controlled voice.

I opened my eyes to see him watching me hungrily. He hadn't moved yet and it gave me greater confidence.

"You smell like the rain," I explained as I lifted my hand to trail my fingers slowly down his perfect abs. He jumped under my hand but didn't move away.

"I never knew what that scent meant until now." I said softly as I continued my careful exploration of his sculptured torso. I had seen beauty like this once in a museum and it had very nearly brought me to tears. I had wanted to touch it even then. Now I could.

"What does it mean?" he asked in a beautifully rough voice.

I didn't look up as I explained, "It never rains much at home but when it does the scent comes as a relief. It's the promise of survival and renewal."

I finally looked up. Demetri's eyes were closed as a tremor ran through his body and his breath caught as my hands stilled. He groaned and unerringly his arms wound around my body pulling me toward him. His lips were on mine in an instant and it was nothing neat or controlled.

It was a fierce clashing of lips, and tongue, and teeth, and need. I felt his hands caress the couple of inches of skin at my waist that had been exposed as my shirt lifted when I had thrown my arms around his neck. It only made me wilder and the heat was amazing.

I faintly remember him lifting me and carrying me to the bed, after that it was all sensation. It seemed as if the physicality of what we were faded and nothing was left but the merging of souls. It went far deeper then flesh.

"I have never felt like this." He murmured into my ear a lifetime later. I shivered at the tickle of his breath.

His restless hands stopped abruptly. I opened my eyes and saw that he was very serious and thoughtful. I could guess why. His life had been very long and it seemed that even vampires retained the need for close physical contact. Even now he was impressively stoic. If I hadn't just spent my every waking moment with him for the past seven months, I would have felt very insecure.

"You've been with others," It was not said as an accusation, only a statement of fact.

He nodded and shrugged, "When I was human, it was the way things were." But then his eyes flicked away from mine ever so briefly, as if he were ashamed. "But after the change it was different.

"Vampires are, by nature, solitary creatures. The desire to be solitary wars with the human instincts we still have to be near others of our kind. For centuries I have kept myself somewhat apart even from our kind, but every once in awhile I had the need to be near something … to connect with someone on a physical level that had nothing to do with the taking of her blood."

He frowned as if he had thought he said too much, "It was nothing ever more then that, until I met you." His eyes jumped to my face, "You have no idea how I have longed to touch you in more then just a careful way. You have called to something in me so deeply rooted that I wouldn't have been able to live without you."

I smiled and smoothed the frown lines on his face with my hands. I could always count on him to be direct and honest with me, even to his own consternation. "So, this was not just a need for physical contact? I am not just a way to pass the time?"

His eyes widened and darkened in alarm at my words and the thoughts he couldn't hear, but probably showed on my face. His arms tightened around me.

"Never!" His voice was adamant and he shook his head once, hard and curt, his dark curls bobbing in the most fascinating manner. "I have only just begun to feel, to live. Before you, it was all flavorless. Seven centuries of a colorless existence, slave only to the need for blood. I think … I _know_ I need you more then even that."

I smiled, "Well, I'll hardly let you go without."

He covered my hands with his, "I am in earnest, Sarah. There will never be another. I am mated to you and only you for the rest of my existence."

I couldn't help but believe him. His velvet eyes were stripped of everything but that conviction, but it was more than that, I felt the truth, the rightness, of it deep in my soul. The search was over for us both; I would never need anyone but him, never want anyone but him.

I touched his cheek, watched his eyes close in answer to my touch, felt him relax against me, "I am in earnest too." I whispered.

His eyes opened radiant in their certainty of my response and his arms closed about me in the only promise of the future that I needed.

I rolled onto my elbow and watched him as he dressed. His skin glowed with a soft, warm light. I hadn't noticed that before, maybe it was my new eyes that did it. The soft light made him appear radiant and the incongruous grace with which he moved made it impossible to keep my eyes off him.

"You really shouldn't look at me that way. I find it hard to concentrate," He said unexpectedly without turning.

I was confused, "What way? And do you really have to _concentrate _to get dressed?"

He finally turned, zipping his slacks as he did so, "I do when you have _that_ look in your eyes."

I frowned, "What look?"

He raised an eyebrow and sat on the edge of the bed, tracing a line down my arm with his finger, "The one that makes me think you are preparing to eat me."

It clicked and I laughed, "Oh, you mean the same one you used to give me when I was human." I sat up and kissed him lingeringly, "And who says I don't want to eat you?"

"And who says I don't give you that look now?" he shot back.

I laughed and touched his chest lightly with my palm, "I thought Italians were supposed to be hairy?"

There was hair on his chest, but just the right amount -- nothing unnecessary. He was completely perfect for me in every way. He also looked at me as if I were crazy or had grown a second head.

"What?" I asked innocently. "It's in all the movies."

He laughed then; a deep, rich, better than melted chocolate kind of laugh, "I guess I lucked out."

I was not expecting the effects that laugh would have on me. I leaned closer and slid my hands around his neck as I pulled him close for a kiss and, more than likely, more, "No, I'm pretty sure; I'm the one to luck out."

I sighed against his lips as his arms came around me, finally, completely content.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - Gifts**

"They want to see you, you know," Demetri said as I emerged from the bathroom.

I was confused as to who he was talking about. I was still walking in a daze, caught up in the new feelings that flooded my body like a drug. Just the sight of him sitting so casually in his chair made me want to jump on him. It was both unsettling and exciting.

"Who?"

His brow creased into a frown, "The masters."

That brought me swiftly back to reality. I wasn't really thrilled about meeting the creatures who had stolen me away from my life, though I knew I owed them something, at least for giving me Demetri. And if I was going to stay here, then I would have to meet them sooner or later, though that thought really wasn't all that welcome and had my heart still beat, I am sure it would have been pounding.

"You will come with me, won't you?" I asked anxiously.

He nodded, "I will be by your side the entire time."

That afforded a measure of peace. Demetri had always kept me safe. I couldn't imagine that things would be different now. In fact, if anything, I could see him being even more overbearingly protective.

I looked down at my jean and T-shirt clad self, "I don't suppose you have anything different I could wear?"

I was beginning to feel nervous, like I always had whenever I had gone to meet a new boyfriend's family. Only this was somewhat longer lasting then just a short dating cycle. They had to like me or my new existence could become quite miserable. And you know what they say about first impressions. I figured it would more appropriate to meet 'the masters' looking a little more polished than my normal self.

"I do, actually," Demetri said diffidently.

I raised an eyebrow, "And how long have you had it?"

He smiled guiltily, "Since the beginning."

I didn't know what he meant by beginning, but it made me laugh, "Alright, where is it?"

He crossed the room, my eyes never leaving his strong form, and opened the bottom drawer of the dresser, "I thought it would suit you and I couldn't help buying it."

I reached up and kissed his cheek as I took the small bundle from him and returned to the bathroom. The outfit he had gotten me did suit me and I smiled as I unfolded the skirt and sweater.

The skirt was a simple black affair that shimmered subtly even in the dim light of the bathroom. It hung from my hips as if it had been made especially for me and fell to the floor. I was delighted. The feeling of the floor under my bare feet was strangely comforting since the change so with the long length of the skirt, I could go barefoot and no one would ever know.

The sweater, I loved.

I could not keep from stroking its softness and the color was perfect. It was a pale pink cashmere wrap around, which would bring out the honey highlights in my hair and though it was obviously expensive, its deep vee was casual enough for me, yet elegant enough to pair with the black skirt and it felt like I thought clouds would feel against my skin.

I could tell Demetri was pleased by the way his eyes lit when I appeared. I turned once, modeling the outfit he had picked out for him. "So, do you approve?"

He took my hand and kissed my fingertips, "I bought it to remind me of the color of your cheeks -- as if I could forget, but you only put it to shame."

"Yes, it is hard to pull off the sweater look," I said breezily.

Demetri chuckled and pulled me close, burying his face in my hair. I shivered deliciously at his closeness and strength and wondered if I would ever get used to it. I rather hoped not. I hoped this tingly feeling I had had since waking in my new life would last for the rest of it. I couldn't imagine ever getting tired of Demetri.

"Let's go and get this over with." I said severely, as I pulled away. "We can play later."

"I'll hold you to that," He said, his boyish grin cooling the heated velvet of his eyes. "But I have something else for you."

I raised my eyebrows and he opened his hand. In his palm lay a circle of beaten gold that glinted dully in the light. It was strung on an impossibly thin woven cord of dark brown leather. It was lovely, but what caught my eye was that strung to hang before the gold circle was a strange, lumpy, pale pink stone.

I touched the stone gently with my finger, "It's lovely," I looked up at him, "but what is this?"

"It's actually an uncut diamond," He explained. "It and the gold circle had been in my family for generations, even before I was born."

I gaped. The diamond, even uncut had to be worth a small fortune. It looked to be at least four carats. He fastened the necklace around my neck, where it hung surprisingly warm and looking as if it belonged there.

I smiled and fingered the circle, "It's perfect. Thank you."

He shrugged, "It has always belonged to you." he said plainly as he tucked a flyaway tendril behind my ear.

I bit my lip and looked up at him from under my lashes, "Are you sure we have to go now? Can't they wait until tomorrow?"

Demetri shook his head, knowing what I was up to, "As you said, we should get this over with. They will be pleased with you."

"Enough to allow me to stay with you?" I asked.

The thought of being forced away from him haunted me. I could only imagine how terrifying it would be to be new and without Demetri to patiently guide me. I couldn't bear to think of being away from him. The thought caused me actual physical pain. He had been my whole world for so long.

His face hardened. "No one will take you away from me," He vowed, his husky voice, rough with conviction and I relaxed.

"Well, then the sooner we go, the sooner we can come back." I smiled at him over my shoulder as I reached for the handle on the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - Perception**

I squared my shoulders and tossed my hair just before Demetri pulled open one of the great wooden doors that led to his masters. I was anxious and trying to hide the fact, but I couldn't fool him. He smiled at my failed attempt at bravado.

"You have nothing to fear. I am here." He reminded me as he squeezed my hand.

I just nodded and followed him through the door. One look around had me gasping and focusing on the floor. I ignored the look I felt Demetri was giving me and allowed him pull my ever more reluctant body further from the exit and to the middle of the round room. I glanced up and around for the second to make certain I had not been seeing things and my new eyes were not playing tricks on me.

I had just walked straight into hell.

The faces I saw were terrifying. More so then I would have ever thought possible for real life. There was very little in each visage that even appeared remotely human. Yet, as I looked closer – I couldn't help the terrible fascination, I could see the mask of normalcy that ineffectively hid from me what the creatures truly were. Almost without exception, every face had the appearance of a monster.

"Ah, this must be Sarah." I heard a voice call out brightly. "She is as beautiful as your thoughts led me to believe, Demetri."

I chanced a glance at the speaker and immediately wished I hadn't. His face was by far the worst yet. I didn't fear his clouded ruby eyes; I had grown used to similar eyes long ago. Under his calm façade, I saw his true self, one that reeked of power and greed and a ruthlessness that caused me to look away from him in near panicked horror. I saw there was nothing he wouldn't do -- no one he wouldn't hurt to get exactly what he wanted.

"Please," I begged Demetri. "Let me go back?"

He was startled as he looked down at me and confused. At least he looked the same, eyes darkening to deep crimson in concern and pale skin gleaming with a faint golden sheen.

"Is she shy?" The same voice asked.

"She is new, master." Demetri said politely, not taking his eyes off mine, "And, with the change, is overwhelmed." I could hear the anxiety roughening his husky voice.

"That is understandable, but perhaps she would let me see what upsets her so."

My head whipped up at the words and I saw the nightmare gliding towards me, almost floating, his hand outstretched, his true face twisting in greed. He wanted what even my mate did not have; access to my innermost thoughts so that he could use them to his advantage, even to my and Demetri's total destruction.

I met Demetri's eyes in a panic. Did he not realize what his master was? He gave an infinitesimal shake of his head and his eyes pled with me not to do what he could see I was preparing to do. Yet, I could not help my violent reaction as the creature reached out to touch me.

Instantly, I recoiled back into Demetri and had he not been there to catch and steady me, I would have continued running blindly until I had nowhere else to go. I dimly heard the shocked gasps at my seemingly outrageous behavior. I ignored them intent only on evading the unwelcome touch of a devil. Demetri held me firm; peering into my eyes, trying to divine what would cause me to act so out of character. His strong, familiar hands and innate calm helped. I gulped and tried to rally my last reserves of sanity.

I had to -- for him.

Turning, I smiled in what I hoped was a placating manner. I met the eyes of the creature and managed to keep my face smooth and my eyes blank. Though, my traitorous knees trembled violently under my skirt and I fervently hoped no one would notice and that I would not fall.

"I am truly sorry, but I find that I can't bear to be touched just now."

The specter smiled politely but it didn't reach his eyes and I knew he didn't completely believe me. His true self grew harder and greedier, the light in its red eyes, more excited. He knew I was hiding something, something that he wanted even more than my thoughts. I knew that by not allowing him to touch me, I was postponing this moment for another time and the day would come when I would have to allow the inevitable or be forced.

As I watched him, I knew who he was. He was Aro. Demetri had told me about him and I knew that he could read my thoughts, not just what I was thinking at the moment, but every thought I had ever had. There was a lot I didn't want him to see but most of all I didn't think he would like it much to see what I saw. Who, no matter if they are or not, desires to see themself as a monster? Not knowing the consequences of allowing him access to my distorted sight, I couldn't let him touch me.

I heard Demetri speaking to Aro, his voice carefully respectful, smoothing the situation. I resolved then that I would never call him master; never afford him my trust and allegiance. No one, who was what he was, deserved anything of the sort. I would feign respect, for Demetri's sake and no one else.

"I will take Sarah back to our room, master, if that is acceptable."

The creature's mask smiled, his true face twisted into an unpleasant grimace, "That will be fine. She needs to feed and rest after so much excitement." He looked down on me, with what I knew he believed to be the fond expression of a kindly grandfather. It made me sick.

As Demetri turned to lead me from the hall, I caught sight of the vampire, Felix. He had no mask and overlying visage, he needed none. They were one and the same; he did not hide himself as others did. He openly leered at me not bothering to hide his lust, even after receiving a warning growl from Demetri. I didn't have to see anything else to know what type of creature he was. Lechery oozed from him like a foul stench. I couldn't repress a warning of my own – one he only grinned at.

In our room I sank into the chair and covered my face with my hands. I wanted nothing else but to forget what I had seen. Demetri knelt in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face.

"What happened, Sarah?" he asked softly.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry, Demetri, but … I … I can't tell you."

He dropped my hands. It hurt him – hurt both of us, that refusal, but I knew that if I told him, Aro would be able to read it in his thoughts. I had no doubt he would try it the very instant he next saw Demetri.

Demetri's jaw tightened, "Why not?" he demanded.

I took a shaky breath and couldn't help rocking a bit. The fear was too fresh, "Please, I will tell you, just not today. Please, trust me." He searched my eyes for a moment and when he found I would not budge on my resolve he stood up.

"You need to feed," He was abrupt as he changed the subject. "Your eyes are too dark."

Now that I was away from the great round hall and the nightmares it held, I could feel the burn that had been growing all day. It was a physical pain, but nothing compared to the horror I had felt upon seeing Aro.

"Demetri," There was a plea in my voice for him to understand.

His body stiffened and he refused to look at me, "What you did was very foolish, Sarah. You called unwanted attention to yourself."

His words made me feel like a wayward child and I felt a flash of betrayal and anger. I jumped to my feet, "You think this was my fault? That I went in there thinking to act that way? You don't know anything." My tone was scornful and hurt.

Demetri met my anger head on, his voice unbelievably harsh, yet his eyes were gentle, "Then tell me."

I relaxed. He was taunting me on purpose. He hoped to get me angry enough that I would slip and tell him what had caused me to act the way I had. I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down.

"Tell me something before we hunt."

He sighed in defeat at the realization that I was not going to play his game, "What?"

"Did you have the ability to track people in your mind while you were still human?"

He blinked in confusion, wondering where the question came from, "Not exactly. I had a knack for finding lost things, but it wasn't until I had been changed that I could track a person's mind."

I nodded. Something was forming in my head, but I wasn't sure what it was. It would need more time percolating before I was sure.

"Come with me," Demetri was quiet.

I reached for his hand, "I will tell you. Just give me some time."

He nodded, "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

I smiled, "I think I know why you did it, so it's all right. I acted unexpectedly; you have every right to be frustrated."

"It is not frustration. It is concern, but let us forget it for now. You are thirsty and must feed. I trust you to explain all this to me, when you are ready."

I rose up on tiptoe and kissed him. How could I not? He was understanding and patient and loved me, then I followed him from the room out into the dark night.

The breeze that caressed my face was warm and sweet. Something delicious wafted on it and I closed my eyes as I dragged a deep breath into my lungs, searching my mind for knowledge of the exquisite scent. I glanced up at Demetri in question. He was looking down at me with a speculative expression on his handsome face.

"What is that?" I breathed. My breathing sped up in anticipation and my hands and feet tingled with excitement.

"That is human blood. We are close to the village."

My face fell and he smiled at me, "Are you sure you don't want to sample it?"

I glared at him and fought the burn as venom pooled in my mouth. It was painful and nearly impossible to ignore the primitive longing I felt to turn into the wind and track down that alluring scent. I could almost see myself indulging in it, bathing in it, glutting myself until I was fully sated. I turned so that the wind did not blow in my face.

"I think I'll pass."

I heard the deep rumble of laughter from Demetri and he tightened his grip on my hand to make sure I kept my self-imposed promise. He didn't want me to have to face my guilt, "This way then, little self-deceiver."

His pace quickened until he was in an all out run that was faster then anything I had ever seen. Amazed, I easily kept pace with him. It was exhilarating to feel the strength of the wind against my skin and I flew along the dark ground. I don't think my feet touched the ground once, I ran so fast.

I glanced at Demetri and he grinned at me when I dropped his hand, crouching lower as I increased my speed, daring him to catch me. The trees grew into one pale rushing blur as I found myself pulling away from him to run alone in the cool moon-lit night.

Then it hit me like a living wall -- the scent of something warm. I instinctively adjusted my course and in that instant, the woman was replaced by something wild and free.

I heard the strong beat of a heart. The scent changed into something almost spicy as it sensed the predator and its heartbeat picked up, spreading adrenaline through the fleeing body. I heard the pounding of hoofed feet as the deer tried to elude me. But my eyes were too quick and my feet too nimble. It was over before it had really begun.

Never had anything tasted so wonderful as that first rush of hot, pulsing blood. It burst into my mouth and flowed down my throat smooth as the finest liquor, cooling the burn, sating the thirst I really hadn't known I was feeling.

I saw my mate come to a graceful stop at the edge of the clearing and raised my head to greet him. I shoved back from the almost drained deer, indicating that I was willing to share my kill with him -- but only him. I saw the moon glint off his white teeth as he smiled and shook his head. I grinned in reply and returned to finish my meal.

When I was finished I rose and moved to meet him as I languorously licked the blood from my hands. I was splattered with it, but didn't care. I was still caught up in the taste of it. I cocked my head to the side and held out one red hand to him. He caught it and without looking away from me licked a cold line from palm to fingertip.

I purred at the feeling and felt warmth spread through my veins like fire. I leaned closer and pressed my lips to his, running my tongue over his smooth lips, before turning and bounding away. I heard his frustrated growl and the sound of his heavier footsteps as he gave chase. I laughed and didn't try too hard to evade him.

I was brought down by a magnificent tackle, but thanks to my mate's awesome strength, he twisted in the air and I landed on top of him, cushioned by his hard body. He grinned and growled playfully at me before crushing his mouth to mine.

I pulled him tight against me and exulted in the cold strength he exuded. I shivered as he rolled, pressing me to the ground with his weight and ran his lips down my neck and across my collarbone. My hands undid the buttons of his shirt easily and pushed the fabric from his broad shoulders and I lightly ran my fingers down his muscular back. It seemed he grew more magnificent with each passing moment and I couldn't wait for eternity.

Never had I felt so alive, my whole frame shook and throbbed as we each took and gave. Our breath sobbed in the dark night in gratitude for what we had been given and we reveled in one another.

We didn't return to the castle until the sky was beginning to lighten overhead. I was the woman again as I stood watching the sun break over the hills. It was so beautiful it nearly sang. I turned and held out my hand for Demetri. The early light reflected off his pale chest causing a subtle glimmer. He smiled at me and I read the love that was in his eyes. Mine spoke of the same. We turned as one and made our way back home, hand in hand.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Several days later, I lay on my stomach watching TV and waiting for Demetri to return from feeding. I was bored. I didn't leave our room much. I was still uncomfortable with what I saw.

When I did leave, I heard the others whispering about me as I passed always with my head down; never talking unless spoken to and then only with short answers, my eyes carefully averted in most cases. They thought I was crazy or not all there in the head. They wondered how Demetri could stand me, especially some of the other females. They had no idea how easy it was for me to read the lust and pity they felt for him.

I hated that because I was neither crazy nor slow and I felt guilty that I could not act normal around them. What I really felt like doing was ripping their eyes from their faces, but didn't think anyone would especially appreciate that. I was also fairly certain it wouldn't help their overall impression of me.

Demetri never pushed me, but he knew something was not right. He waited patiently for me to tell him, but I never could. I worried what it would do to him to see his masters like I did. He truly respected them and I didn't want to have to be the one who changed it and, truth be told, I was fearful of how I would feel if it didn't change his view of them.

Could I continue to love him if he continued to respect such monsters?

He came in then, scattering my thoughts and sat beside me on the bed, I caught a whiff of the same scent I had first hunt – the human blood scent, yet it was slightly different. It was both Demetri and not him at the same time. It made the venom pool in my mouth and drip from my teeth. My stomach tightened and I my attention left the TV as I pulled myself upright.

"You smell good?" I breathed, leaning closer to him without thinking.

Something was blurring my thoughts and they ran where I was unable to catch them. My throat burned painfully and I licked my lips and chewed them. My breath began to come quicker and quicker. I couldn't help the feelings of resentment that welled up; my mate should share what he had with me. It was only right. I would share with him.

"Sarah?" he asked, breathing on me.

I growled a little at the condensed scent and slid closer. What was going on? A portion of my mind screamed that something was not right, while the greater portion seductively whispered that it didn't matter.

"What did you have?" I whispered, reaching for him.

He pushed back from the bed and took a wary step back, "I'm sorry, Sarah … I didn't think."

Then it clicked and I went cold and rigid. My head cleared. He had just returned from feeding … on humans. The luscious scent coming from him was the human blood he had taken blending with his naturally oh-so appealing scent. That is what I so wanted. That is what caused me to forget myself and lose my mind. I backed to the wall in horror.

"You've just fed?" I asked needlessly.

Demetri's eyes were wide and anxious, "I didn't think, Sarah … I should have waited longer before coming to you. It's been so long since I was new, and it's so different for other newborns. I have to leave." He strode out the door and I let him go.

It took an hour and a blisteringly hot shower for me to calm down, but I still remembered the scent and even now it perched on the back of my tongue, taunting me, burning me, stroking my thirst. We would have to be careful. I would have to feed more often on my choice of sustenance and Demetri would have to stay away for awhile right after he had fed on his.

Now I understood why it was so hard for him. Animals were nothing compared to that delectable scent and if the scent that wafted off him after feeding was enough to drive me crazy … as with the first time, I could just imagine the taste and nearly lost myself to it.

I snapped back to reality, sickened at myself. I couldn't think thoughts like that if I was going to live the way I wanted too. I had chosen this life, regardless if it had really been my only choice, and I would live the way I desired, not the way my new instincts demanded.

Demetri came back to me several hours later, "Is it better?" he asked slowly pushing the door open and approaching me cautiously. I took a ginger sniff. The scent was still there, but quite diluted. I sighed, that I could handle.

"It's much better."

He relaxed and gathered me to him. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as tightly as I could. I needed the extra comfort of his hard body against mine right now and I imagine he felt the same about me.

"Wow," I said in a shaky voice. "I guess we know we can't make out after you've eaten."

He didn't laugh like I wanted him to and didn't turn me loose.

"Demetri, what's wrong? I'm all right now."

I felt him shake his head, "You looked at me as if I terrified you."

There was such pain in his voice that my breath caught at it.

"Not you," I said kissing his shoulder – it was the only place I could reach, being as tightly held as I was. "It was the realization of what it was and my reaction to it that terrified me. I was afraid for a moment what I would do to you. It blends with your scent and is far more potent to me in that way." I smiled grimly, "I wasn't certain what I wanted to do to you."

His arms tightened infinitesimally, "I'm so sorry." He repeated, burying his face in my hair.

"Please don't," I begged. "We were both caught off guard."

------------------------------

We adjusted our schedule to fit feeding times. I hated those times when Demetri was gone. I needed him with me always to feel normal. When he was gone, even for a few hours, I was lost and nearly desolate. I couldn't imagine how it would be when he was needed and had to be gone for days. I tried not to think about it. We both knew it would be too soon.

And so it was, just two weeks -- a blink of time to our kind, after the blood incident, he was called in. I took the news that he was leaving as best I could. I didn't want him to feel guilty for something he had to do. I tried to look at it like it was his job. It didn't help very much.

"I love you," he murmured as we lay wrapped in each other's arms just moments before he had to leave.

"I know."

I hoped that he felt as lost without me as I did without him, but hated to bring up the subject right before he had to go. It was too raw to be voiced, but I saw the answer in his velvet eyes as he reluctantly pulled away to dress.

"They will come for you," He said turning to me, eyes dark with worry.

I nodded, I already knew that. The knowledge did little to assauge my anxiety, but it could not be helped. I had sat down one evening while Demetri was out and sketched the faces. Their horror didn't scare me anymore, but I did fear what the creatures could do to me and to him.

"It can't be helped," I said sitting up and wrapping my arms around my knees. Unconsciously I started to rock back and forth. "You have to go and I will have to face them sooner or later. I guess sooner is better. At least everything will get out in the open."

He sat near me and pulled me close, tightening his grip until I couldn't breathe. He pressed his lips against my shoulder, "I wish you would tell me what it is they want from you." His muffled voice was grim.

I snuggled closer, grateful that I didn't need air, "I know and I will, just not yet. I think it is better … safer for you if Aro can't look in your head and see it. Besides," I felt myself tense, "There are some things you don't want to see and I refuse to subject you to this if I can help it. It will be bad enough when he sees, but you don't need that."

"I wish I could shake it from you, maybe then I would have a chance at protecting you." His husky voice was harsh with frustration and futility. It was even more achingly beautiful.

I sighed, "There are some things even you can't protect me from, and this is one of them."

He pulled back, "They will live to regret it if any harm comes to you."

I read the vow in his crimson eyes and didn't doubt him. That scared me more then anything -- more then the memory of the faces, more then the thought of injury to me, more then the thought of him leaving. It would not go well if he tried to get revenge, He would be hurt or worse and I could not live without him, I refused to exist without him.

"Don't talk like that," I ordered sharply; he could hear the fear in my voice that I refused to let show on my face. "Never say that."

There was a sharp rap on the door and I looked over his shoulder to glare at it.

"I have to go. Be a good girl," He said softly. "I will be back in three or four days." And he kissed me until I was gasping for breath I didn't need and smiled once, sliding a tendril of my hair through his fingers and then he was gone and I was left with only his scent and my drawings.

It took only twelve hours for the summons.


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, my lovelies, sorry for the longer the usual wait time between chapters -- I was away from home. I will warn you this chapter is a bit violent, no blood and gore, but violent none the less.**

**Please read and review. Let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 13**

The past twelve hours had been exactly as horrible as I thought they would be. I tried to watch TV, read, listen to music, and nothing helped, it only made me even more aware of the fact that Demetri wasn't there.

_This is pathetic_, I thought as I threw myself into a chair and pulled out my pencils. I couldn't go nuts every time he left. I had to hold it together. He always came back; there was no reason he wouldn't this time and even more reason that he would. I was freaking myself out for nothing.

Almost without conscious thought I began to draw myself. That was odd because I tried never to do self portraits. I didn't like it, but here I sat drawing the newly sharpened planes of my face, the perfection of my nose and cheekbones, the darkness of my eyes -- I would have to hunt again and soon. Being new had its disadvantages. I needed to feed more often especially on account of Demetri's diet.

The thought of Demetri drew my concentration and when I next looked down, I startled myself. I had drawn my face as a mask. Underneath it laid the face of a monster almost as horrible as Aro. I shuddered then forced myself to study the drawing. It terrified me that I might become this thing, this abhorrence, and so I forced my eyes to continue examining it until it had burned into my memory forever. This, I realized, would help me if I was ever tempted to destroy a human. It had to.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the brisk knock on my door and hastily shoved the drawing into the back of my sketch book. That was a drawing that no one would ever see.

Dragging myself to the door, I cautiously pulled it open. A small goblin stood ready to accompany me. Her mask was lovely -- the face of an angel, but her true face was hard and twisted. Her eyes were flat, dead. She liked to hurt people. She lived for it.

"We are waiting for you," She said in an apathetic voice.

I nodded and followed her to the great hall but I froze as soon as she opened the heavy door. A scent so sweet and maddeningly pure washed over me, through me. It was a scent shockingly similar to the one that had come from Demetri, only worse because the source was in the room and not like second-hand smoke – slightly better for you because it had already gone through the system of someone else but still dangerous. So sweetly dangerous.

The fire burned in my throat and the need to satiate it slammed into me so hard I nearly collapsed. For an instant I saw red and all reason scattered. My thoughts began to slip away one by one. I held to my vision of the true monsters and that helped me keep a slender hold on my self-control. I rocked back on my heels, clinging to the door frame and shaking my head to clear it. Uncomfortable as it was, I stopped breathing.

Clenching my jaw, I glowered at the little goblin when she giggled at my obvious distress. Then I turned my unwilling attention to the room. What I saw immediately cooled the burn and I was left gasping now in a horror greater then anything I had ever felt. I was wrong to have thought hell was seeing the faces of monsters; hell was in this room at this moment. The room whirled and for a moment I thought I would faint, even though I had been told it could not happen.

"Sarah?"

The voice was quivering in fear and confusion. It echoed across the great room, abrasive and raucous in its humanness. Yet, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard, a voice I had never thought to hear again. It put an end to my chaotic downward spiral in much the same way a bucket of ice water dumped over my head would have.

I closed my eyes and averted my head so my brilliant red eyes would not alarm my sister or her husband. They stood looking at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. They were shocked to see me alive.

Instead of answering the question in Jess' voice, I turned to Aro. He stood pleased with himself, his devil's face twisted into a sadistic sneer.

"What do you want from me?" I asked lifelessly.

I knew what he wanted and that he would get it. There had been no need for him to resort to this atrocity, but it excited him, I saw that now. His face brightened eagerly.

"Why, I wanted nothing more then a happy family reunion," He said gleefully as he gestured widely with his hands.

"Sarah, is it you?" Jess asked again, taking a step away from Tom.

I strode without thought, ignoring my sister's gasp of fear and backwards stumble into her husband when I moved almost too quickly for her to see as I pushed desperately through the creatures that moved to surround Aro. He waved them back, eager for what my touch would tell him when I grabbed his outstretched hand.

I held his brittle, deathly cold hand tightly in mine and stared into his eyes as he read my thoughts. I wanted to be sure he saw himself as I saw him in this exact moment and I wanted to see his reaction.

At first his face registered disappointment. My human thoughts were of little import. My relationship and love for Demetri sparked a mild curiosity, nothing worth re-examination. Then his bone white face tensed and paled further. He was too slow to hide his revulsion and I saw it and lifted my lips from my teeth in grim smile of triumph. I didn't allow him to pull away until I was sure his horrific image had seared itself into his skull. I wanted him to see that image every time he closed his eyes for the rest of eternity.

I threw his hand away, "Not worth it, was it?" I hissed under my breath.

I saw the questions burning in the eyes of those that surrounded us, but had little time for them. Aro stumbled back with none of his ghostly grace; he was still not recovered.

"Let them go," I demanded, my tone eliciting a gasp from the waiting legion.

Aro's smile twisted itself unpleasantly. His cloudy eyes were hard now and void as the little goblin's, "Ah, you of all people know that is impossible, Sarah."

His guards converged around him at the low, furious snarl that tore from my throat. The room was deadly silent now. The little goblin stood near Aro beaming in excitement, her flat, shark eyes brightening in anticipation. She was nothing but a well honed instrument to him. I wondered if she could see that. If I should tell her? But I didn't get the chance to make all of Aro's nightmares come true because at the moment mine were. A small, terrified voice called to me.

"Sarah."

At last I turned to Jess, head raised. It didn't matter what she saw now. Her life was over.

"Why did you come, Jess?" I asked in a dead voice as I slowly approached her.

"Mom wouldn't believe that you were dead," her sweet voice faltered as I came close enough for her to see my eyes, my pale skin and altered features. "We came to see if we could find you."

Her voice faded to a thread of sound. Her eyes were nearly bulging in fear as she began to recognize that I was no longer anything like her sister had been. Physically, that woman was dead. I could smell the adrenaline that raced through her system. It sweetened her scent, awakening my predator's instincts and I had to struggle to maintain control.

She was brave to stand her ground. The fierce beating of her heart gave voice to her fears, but there was something more. I cocked my head and listened closer. What I heard left me cold. I closed the gap between us, embracing her as gently as I could. She gasped at the feel of my unnaturally cold skin on hers -- Demetri was right, the warmth was a draw and I clenched my teeth together, refusing to give in to the beast. I was certain Jess could feel my horror at what I had heard beating within her, when I drew back, her eyes echoed it.

"You're pregnant?" I asked woodenly, searching her eyes for a hint of lie, praying I was wrong, knowing I wasn't.

She nodded, too terrified of my appearance to speak. I am sure I looked the vampire I was. I whirled too quickly, causing her to fall back and stifle another gasp. I pinned Aro with the most hateful glare I could muster.

"You knew this," I stated.

He gave me a slight nod and slowly smiled, his white teeth glimmering even in the dim light of the room, "It makes everything so much richer."

He sickened me. His pack converged around him.

Jess had recovered from her scare and was immediately behind me when I turned and focused my attention of her again. There was so little time left for her.

"They told us you were dead." Tears were flowing freely from her eyes and they smelled nearly as wonderful as she did.

"I am dead, Jess. You should have believed them."

"No, you're not," she denied. "You're here. I touched you." She was sobbing now.

Her cries wracked her body and she fell against me. Her nearness was an exquisite agony. She was warm and glowing, radiant with the life that grew within her, a life that would be cut short. Jess' plain face and clear eyes spoke of her innocence and guileless nature. She deserved so much better then this and I despaired at the knowledge that I was the cause for such needless destruction.

Jess would never see her child, never hold it in her arms, she would never know the joy of watching it grow to adulthood. She would never see our parents again or her home country. She would never be held in Tom's arms or make love to him.

I pushed her away and held her at arms length, "Look at me, Jess." She looked up, tears still streaming. "Have you ever met a person with eyes like mine? With skin so cold – cold as death?"

She shook her head slowly. I could tell that she was becoming entranced much like I did when I looked into their eyes. I was like a cobra to her, deadly and beautifully mesmerizing.

I dropped my head closer to hers and looked down, freeing her from the snare of my eyes. "You are not going to leave this place," I said so only she could hear me.

Her heart jumped and the baby's inside her sped up in response to its mother's stress. I brought my eyes back to hers. They were suddenly hard and determined. She nodded understanding instinctively what I had not said.

"You love this baby."

Her hand curled protectively over the small bump that was her stomach. Tears fell unceasingly and it was agony that I could not add mine to hers. I saw the gathered vampires out of the corner of my eye as they continued to drift forward, like a flock of vultures circling a struggling animal. Excitement made their eyes glow all the more bright and horrifying. I prayed Jess had her eyes closed.

"It's okay," She said in a quavering voice, meeting my eyes with a resolute conviction. She was always so strong. She had always been the one to comfort me.

I hugged her close to me again and breathed in her scent -- memorizing it. My soul throbbed with pain. I knew how she would die. It would not be sweet and peaceful in the arms of the man she loved at the end of her life. It would be here, today, in fear and pain unless I did something to change that. With heartbreaking calculation, I made my decision.

Meeting Tom's eyes over Jess's shoulder I saw the thing I had most wanted to avoid -- the monster I had become, reflected in his horror-struck eyes. His face grew green and his eyes widened in sudden knowledge and he moved to stop me, one hand outstretched as if to stop the inevitable, but was too late.

I knew only one way to save my sister from an agonizing death. Death, for those like her – humans, was as certain as the tide coming in or the sun rising but I could not allow her to experience what I knew those in this room – including myself -- were capable of. I would not let her and the baby be ripped apart to feed a savage and profane hunger. She and the life she carried were sacred and not to be defiled.

I gritted my teeth, took a tighter hold on my sister and closed my eyes.

"I love you, Jess." I whispered brokenly.

She stroked my back soothingly, "It's okay. I'm ready. I love you, Sarah."

I will never forget the dull sound her neck made as I snapped it, stopping her heart instantaneously, and I will never forget the sound of Tom's screams. Those sounds will echo in my perfect ears for eternity.

I didn't even have a chance to lay Jess's body down before I was dropped to the floor in a physical agony I had not yet endured. My entire body felt it was being twisted and tortured with glowing metal and yet it was worse. But strangely, it was nothing to the agony I felt in my soul as I thought of what I had just done.

When the pain stopped I lay still on the floor, gasping and waiting for hell to swallow me. It was the only place that would accept me now. Jess lay silent only a foot from me like a fragile, broken doll. Her lifeless eyes, open and glassy and her pale neck lay at an unnatural angle. I could see the tears sparkling on her lashes. Tom's hoarse sobs and breathless accusations burned through me more severely then the goblin's torture had.

Tom stopped only when Aro addressed to him, "You should be thanking Sarah for her sacrificing love of your wife and child."

Tom flinched as he watched the demon glide towards him. His eyes widened and any color that he had had in his face faded, but he couldn't move. I knew what was coming and lurched to my feet.

"I'm sorry," I told Tom in a broken voice. "I can't help you."

Then I turned and fled the room as fast as I could. It would have been the final push over the cliff of insanity I needed if I had been present when blood was spilled.

I don't know how, but I found myself in my room. It was cold and dark, like my soul. I had seen myself reflected in Tom's eyes. I was a monster. Those here, those who were to have been my teachers had corrupted me and twisted me until all that was left was something vile and repulsive. I had never abhorred what I was until now.

As if in a dream, I packed a bag and took half the cash horde Demetri kept. I would never return here. What would he think when he saw me? Would he immediately see the monster or would it take awhile?

I turned to the window, planning; it was dark outside, I would be able to get to the coast before sunrise then the following night I would catch a flight to the States. There were some there, who I prayed would be able to accept me; no one would ever have to know what I had done, though it would be something I would carry forever.

Before I packed my sketch book, I withdrew the picture I had drawn of myself as demon. I wrote a short note on it and placed it where I was sure Demetri would find it. No doubt, he would be told some version of the truth and I hoped he would understand. Closing the door behind me, I left. No one stopped me and I never looked back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 **

The plane ride was the most difficult, there were too many humans crowded into a small area. Their scent -- I worried a couple of them with my lack of breathing -- and closeness drove me nearly crazy with thirst before the plane set down in New York. The only thing that saved them was the thought of Jess and the memory of my reflection in Tom's eyes. After that each one took on their faces.

Never have I been so ecstatic to be off a plane. Normally I loved flying; the ride to Europe had been one of the greatest of my life. I loved seeing the world from so high, getting a new perspective on it, how minute I was in the grand scheme of what populated it. Now, I couldn't get off the plane and out of the airport fast enough. It was hard to move through the crowds at human speed.

After that, though, the traveling became routine. I avoided people, having learned my lesson on the plane. I learned to travel at night, and hated it. I missed the sun and I secretly delighted in the way my skin glittered in its light. And I missed Demetri desperately.

At first, I thought he would find me in a matter of days, but after a couple of weeks of aimless wandering and vain hoping, I decided that he thought me not worth the effort. After I had come to that soul wrenching conclusion, it was only the need to find those like me that kept me from curling into a ball and letting the loneliness and despair take me. I had left most of me in Italy; the remainder was -- in truth, horribly scarred and not worth keeping. I wasn't sure I could ever be happy or normal again, but still I persisted. That damn survivalist instinct driving me on.

Surprisingly, I ran into very few vampires and the ones I did, left me as soon as they could. They sensed something lost in me, something dead and though I was not reckless in anyway or drew unwanted attention to us, my apathy grated and they grew bored with me.

It wasn't really so much of a shame to be alone. They made me uncomfortable. I had had very little experience with others of my kind and what experience I had, wasn't at all reassuring. I couldn't bring myself to trust any of them; maybe that is what made them leave me behind.

At any rate, my 'gift' would have made everything more difficult had I desired to join a coven. All vampires all looked the same -- depending on their age, their faces were all horrifying to varying degrees. It made me fervently wish for the blindness I'd had before I'd been changed.

Though, to be fair to my kind, now that I had been out among them, the same could be said for many humans. There are many out there more frightening and evil then some of the vampires I met. Those, I avoided completely although I knew they couldn't harm me. Somehow it was worse seeing the monster in a human.

I asked all the vampires I met if they knew of the Cullen coven. Those few who did sneered when they spoke of them. It seemed the coven was looked down on for their feeding preferences, but none really knew where they were so I was forced to hunt them up myself. Not an easy thing when you know next to nothing about a group and they are trying to stay below human radar and when you have more in common with Count Dracula than Sherlock Holmes.

One afternoon in an almost non-existent town in Iowa, I waited in the town library for the rain to stop. I was lonely and had wandered into the town before the rain had begun only to be near some living thing, though it was a slow torture. Once it had started to rain, I had been forced to seek shelter or appear crazy for walking out in the drenching rain. I flipped through a couple of books, trying to blend in, luckily there was no one in the library but the librarian and after taking one look at me, she had decided to trust her instincts and steer clear of the latest walk-in.

Finally bored, I sat at their only computer – an ancient, out-moded thing and played on it a bit. The thunder crashed outside and I could hear the pounding of the rain on the roof of the small building. I sighed and then, more out of curiosity than anything else, ran an internet search on the cloudiest places in North America.

For weeks I had been traveling without direction. Part of that was depression – I was stubbornly attempting to forget about Demetri, with little luck. He haunted my every breath, and part of it had been that I was still new enough not to know a lot of the things I should have, such as the best place for vampires would be somewhere with almost constant cloud cover -- if we wanted to go out during the day. I did so it wasn't hard to imagine that others might want to go out as well, especially those who lived in close conjunction with humans. It would help the disguise.

Most of the places were in Alaska. I wasn't really keen on going to Alaska – I still thought like a human and it was _cold_ in Alaska. The other top place was in Washington State. I heaved another sigh. Well, if I had to go up to Alaska, I guess I could pass through Washington to get there. Maybe I would get lucky there and not have to go further north.

I printed out a map and was blowing on the ink when the rain stopped and the sun began to peek through the clouds. I scowled at it and stuffed the paper into my bag. I would have to make a run for cover before the sky cleared completely. That was another hardship of traveling during the day, I never knew when the sun would make his appearance and I would have to duck and run. But he decided to play peek-a-boo with me and I was able to get out of sight before he beat back the clouds for good.

As I started to travel west past the Midwestern states, I found my feet turning involuntarily southward toward home and though it became harder to travel the further I went -- the sun seemed to shine every day causing travel to be possible only after it had set for the day, I welcomed the warmth and comfort of a familiar landscape. I loved the feel of the hot, dry air on my cold skin. I wished Demetri were there to share in the most beautiful sunsets the world had to offer. I wanted to introduce him to the place I had been raised.

I reached the city just after the sun had set for the night. Not wanting to deal with the late night crowds, I skirted the main part of the city and headed northwest, taking my time as I hiked through the Boca Negra canyon seeing it as I never had before. The scraggy shrub oak and stubby juniper trees lent a bit of color to the dun landscape and the volcanic rock that gave the canyon its name gave texture and areas for the little desert creatures to hide.

Those I didn't see – they kept well hidden from my predator's presence, but I smelled them and heard their hearts pounding in the rhythm of fear. Even the bold coyotes gave me a wide berth and sang warning of my passing to others.

I waited until the stars had come out to go home. My family's quiet street was dark and there were few street lights, so I meandered along without worrying if anyone would see me. I checked my watch; it was a little past two in the morning so I knew not many people would be awake.

All the lights were out at my parents' house; even the porch was dark. It didn't matter, I could see in the night as well as I could in the day. When I got to the door, I reached up to grab our emergency house key from its hiding place at the top of the square stucco column that stood near the front door. I unlocked the door, praying they hadn't decided to get the alarm turned on.

I was relieved when the only sound that broke the silence was the chime. I was also relieved to note that our black lab mix, Misty, was outside for the night. I had had too many run-ins with dogs to believe that she would tolerate the new me.

The house hadn't changed, except for the thick layer of dust that covered anything. It was so unlike my obsessive compulsive mother not to dust that I inhaled deeply wondering if the family was even there. I wasn't sure what they would smell like, but was rewarded with the distinct scents of four humans, one dog, and -- I froze in place as my blood went cold. Under the warm odor of dog and human, I smelled a slightly sweet scent. An unforgettable scent. The scent of a vampire. It was old and faint and unfamiliar, but it was there.

What had a vampire been doing in my parents' home?

I calmed my scattering thoughts and listened hard, I could make out the strong beats of four human hearts. It would seem no one had been hurt. Could someone have been looking for me? Or had it been from before? Had Aro sent someone to my home to learn of my family? Is that how they knew Jess and Tom would be in Italy?

As I wondered cautiously through the house, alert to any new scent or minute disturbance, I noticed along with the dust, the build up of clutter. Paper plates were being used instead of the china Mom was so proud of. Stacks of newspapers and junk mail were scattered around. Sorrow tore through my heart as I realized I was most likely the cause for the mess. Me, and now Jess and Tom. Mom must have been so busy worrying about finding her children that she had let the house go.

I could tell the family had had pizza for dinner and I wondered if that, too, was a sign of the stress my parents were under. My dad was a sensational cook and hardly ever allowed us to order out. He enjoyed experimenting and showing his love for us with outstanding meals. It was a miracle of genetics that we had all remained bean-poles.

I crept soundlessly up the stairs listening for anything that might give another of my kind away and, not wanting to tempt myself more then was necessary, I found that I had to peek in on my family. I had to make sure that no more of their lives had been destroyed because of the existance of dangerous and mythical beings.

I pushed open the first bedroom door I came to. It was one of the twin's rooms. Sixteen-year old Will lay sprawled on his stomach clad in nothing but his boxers. I peered into the shadows, and finding no scent of the vampire, I allowed myself to relax. I shook my head fondly at his gangly, adolescent body and covered his still form with the discarded blanket that lay on the floor.

He looked so young as he slept, something I knew he would definitely not appreciate me thinking. I reached out to brush a shaggy lock of dark blonde hair from his forehead, but pulled back when his face scrunched and he flinched away at the feel of my icy skin on his. I smiled down at him sadly. He was probably right. It was better if I didn't touch him; I could feel the burn staring to grow and unwillingly I started tapping my fingers in time with his heartbeat. I froze when I noticed what I was doing and silently, I left his room, pulling the door tightly closed after me.

The next was Will's twin, Rebecca's room, still a violent Pepto Bismol shade of pink that caused the whole hallway to glow when her door was open. Posters of actors and singers adorned the walls and photos of her friends stuck in the frame made it almost impossible to see my reflection in her mirror. Clothes littered the floor and her desk was covered in old homework. I smiled, it seemed she had changed even less then Will. Here as well, there was no sign of a vampire.

Becks was curled in a tight ball on her side; her ragged, one-eyed, old bear, Pops, clutched in her arms. She looked sad, though, even in sleep and it worried me. A hitching sigh escaped her once and she cuddled the shabby scrap of bear even closer to her. I didn't touch her as I had Will, though I wanted to. She smelled remarkably similar to Jess and it twisted my heart. I left her room quickly after that.

The unknown vampire's scent was stronger at Jess' door and though I had not the slightest desire to go in her room, I knew I had to. It was cold and empty and nothing had changed. The scent was no fresher then it had been at her door, so I didn't investigate further then peering inside.

Even after Jess had married Tom, Mom had left it the same. The only change being a queen bed had been added in place of her little twin. I closed my eyes at the sight of a little, forlorn basinet already in place, proof of my parents' excitement over having grandkids. I pulled the door shut and stood slumped with my back against it for more then a few minutes as I fought unwanted memories.

The last room in the hall was mine. Here too, the scent was stronger, but I was sure that as with the other's it would be empty. Perhaps the vampire had just been curious. It didn't calm my anxiety. Being in my room, however, with my own things comforted me and I left off worrying about the unfamiliar scent for a time.

I lay on my unmade bed and stared up at the ceiling for a long while, half awake and half dreaming of the time before when things had been easy and I had been carefree. Now everything had changed. I was truly alone and there was something sinister stalking me or my family. I slowly sat up and looked around my room. Nothing had been touched. My things were still scattered as they had been in my rush to make sure I had everything for my trip.

I thought back to that day. It had been so exciting. I had been so ready for a safe little adventure. If only I had known it would end up like this; me changed into a monster, a murderer, a creature of nightmares who had only death and destruction to offer those she loved. But I couldn't feel that it had been a total loss. I had had my time with Demetri and for that I would trade all the pain and fear in the world and all my remaining eternal desolation.

My suitcases were by the bed. The hostel must have returned them. I opened the smallest and rummaged through until I found the little hidden pocket. I had left a little money in it that would come in handy. I also traded my dirty, travel worn jeans and long sleeved shirt for clean clothes and stuffed another set in my pack.

I grabbed the last family photo we had had made at Jess' wedding and placed it carefully in my pack next to my sketch book. I hoped it wouldn't be missed but I couldn't help it. I needed more then just sketches of my family to prove they had been real. I could already feel my memories of them slipping away, like water through my fingers, and I didn't want to forget them.

I left everything else, as painful as it was. To take anything more would be dangerous. They would miss such things and know I hadn't taken them with me on my vacation. I didn't want to worry them about thieves on top of everything else. That thought brought a dry chuckle. Thieves were nothing compared to vampires. I hoped now, that I was out of the picture; whoever had bothered them would never return. I hoped that they would be safe and the rest of their lives would be happy.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the last room. It was downstairs on the main floor and belonged to my parents. I pushed the cracked door open and slipped inside. My mom and dad were still and quiet, their breathing deep and even. They clung to each other, even in their sleep, as if to be apart even in sleep would be too painful. I saw the new worry lines that creased their brows and thinned their lips and knew I was to blame.

I sat down in Mom's old rocker and watched them sleep. After a moment, Mom stirred as I should have known she would. She had a sixth sense when it came to her kids, which was probably why she sent Jess and Tom to look for me.

"Sarah," she whispered as she rolled from dad's sheltering arms onto her side. It took a moment for me to realize that she was not talking in her sleep, but was awake had had opened her eyes. She was staring at me in disbelief. She sat up, blinking.

"Sarah?" her voice was rough with sleep and emotion. Dad mumbled something and I held my breath, praying he wouldn't wake up. He stretched and relaxed and I let the breath out.

"Shhh," I soothed. "It's me, but don't wake Dad, alright?"

Mom shook her head, "Am I dreaming?"

I thought it was best to go with that idea and nodded, "Yes."

Mom wouldn't think anything of it. She had often told us of the vivid dreams she had had of her mother who had died when Mom was a child coming to her and speaking with her.

"Where are you? Are you happy?" She asked in true mother style.

I smiled a little sadly and ignored the first question. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to be if I wasn't here. "Yes, I'm happy," I lied convincingly enough that I saw her visibly relax.

"I can't stay long," I whispered. "But I wanted you to know I was all right and that you have to stop looking for me."

Mom's face paled, "Then you've seen Jess?" I could hear the anguish in her voice as she realized what my words meant.

I nodded slowly bracing myself for my next words. Hoping she wouldn't read the still fresh grief behind them, "She's happy too, Mom. Her and Tom and the baby. She wants me to tell you how much she loves you and always will. You'll see them again." I didn't think that Jess would mind me speaking for her.

I could hear Mom's soft sobs, smell her tears, and see her thin shoulders shaking.

"And you? Will I see you again?" she asked through her agonized sobs.

I smiled wistfully, "One day, you'll see me again." I didn't know when that day would be, but I knew I would come back some time – even if it was to make sure they were all still safe and no one was looking for me.

I heard the neighbor's car start next door and looked over at the sound. It meant dawn was here. I had spent more time then I had intended. As I stood, Mom gasped and for a second I was afraid she had seen too clearly and knew what I was.

"Do you have to go?" she asked, raising her hands in attempt to get me to stay.

I nodded slowly, "I do, but I love you, Mom." Then I dropped my voice to an angel's whisper and fixed my eyes on hers, willing her to comply with my orders, "Lay down, Mom and go back to sleep." I saw her eyelids droop and she shook her head in effort to keep awake.

I began to hum, low and under my breath, a song only she could hear and know. She lay back against her pillows, relaxing further with every note.

"I love you, Sarah. Tell Jess …" Her voice was a sleepy whisper.

I stopped my humming long enough to assure her that Jess knew, then resumed my song until her breathing had evened and she was asleep. As I pulled the front door shut behind me and stepped into the gray dawn, I knew it would be the last time I would ever do so. I would never burden my family again. When I came back it would only be to check on them, I wouldn't enter their home again.

It was a strange release to leave, sad, but exhilarating. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt that I could go on now, a little while longer anyway and I hoped that they could too. I hoped that my sudden appearance in Mom's 'dreams' had brought her some closure and peace.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

It only took a couple of days of straight running to get to Forks. It was a small town, smaller then I would have thought, and very green. The drizzle that persisted during my first day and night there led me to know why.

I roamed all over the town, staying well out of sight, hoping to catch a scent on the breeze that would lead me to what I was searching for. There was nothing, but I did catch a bit of luck as I crossed the main street of town one evening.

I had taken to wearing sunglasses constantly, for obvious reasons – my red eyes, but something must have given me away. A short man and his tall, pretty wife or girlfriend stopped me when I got to the corner.

"Excuse me," the man said, "but we couldn't help noticing; are you related to the Cullens?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned slowly to face the couple I had just been about to pass without a second thought. Surprise made my brain sluggish and I blurted the first thing that came to my tongue.

"Yes, I'm Carlisle's sister … estranged sister," I added, shrugging in feigned chagrin, "And I am trying to find him. Do you know where he and his family are?"

The woman watched me closely and for a second I was sure she had caught me in my lie, but the resemblance must have been too great because her face relaxed, "I haven't heard from Bella in awhile, so I am not exactly sure where they are, but her father would know."

I could barely contain my excitement as she rattled off an address and explained how to get there. According to her, Bella's father was the police chief of Forks and he didn't live too far away – of course who could live far away in such a small town. I thanked the couple and had turned on my heel when the woman stopped me.

"Tell Bella when you see her that Ben and Angela say hi."

I grinned, "Will do."

My spirits were higher then they had been for weeks. At last a lead, even if the Cullens weren't here – which I was now certain they weren't; there was someone who knew where to get a hold of them. As Angela had told me, the Chief's house wasn't hard to find.

It was a small and unassuming two story and the absence of a car in the driveway or lit porch light led me to believe that no one was home. Upon peering through the dark windows and seeing nothing, I became certain of the fact. High spirit temporarily dampened, I slipped into the thick forest behind the house and settled down to wait for the Chief to come home. I didn't mind the rain so much when I couldn't feel the cold and the densely packed trees offered some protection so I didn't get that wet.

I felt uncomfortable, though, sitting in the dark. I felt strangely vulnerable. It was almost as if someone were watching me. As I warily looked around me, I didn't see anything, but that didn't mean I was alone. The cold, wet smell of the forest overpowered everything else and I was unable to scent anything out of the ordinary, yet something tickled my sharpened instincts. Stubbornly, I put my back to a tree and waited. I had come too far to let something as little as my jumpy nerves scare me from my goal.

It was just after dark when a cruiser drove down the street and pulled into the garage of the little house. I heaved a sigh of relief, stashed my pack under a bush – it wouldn't do to knock on his door looking like a runaway homeless person, and trotted out of the trees and to the door. I waited an additional ten minutes to give the Chief time to relax then gave the door a sharp rap.

A tall, balding, middle-aged man with a slightly paunchy gut answered. The scent of fish clung to his clothing and I figured that's where he'd been all day, though why anyone would want to sit in the rain all day and fish, was beyond me. He was pleasantly without much of a mask. He was who he was and was comfortable with that.

I could see from wide-eyed surprise on his face that I looked familiar to him. I smiled amiably and hoped he would look past the fact that I did not remove my glasses and it was dark out.

"Hi, Chief Swan?"

"Yes," he asked edgily. "Is Bella all right?"

I heard his heart pick up and raised my hands in attempt to calm his anxiety, "Oh, uh, I'm sure she is, but I don't know. I don't know Bella. That is, I've only heard of her. I've never met her."

The Chief visibly relaxed once he realized I was not there with bad news about his daughter, but he gave me a hard look, "Then who are you?"

"Oh sorry," I held out my hand. "My name is Sarah. I'm Carlisle Cullen's sister. I was hoping you might be able to tell me where he and his family are."

The Chief's eyebrows rose, puckering his forehead, but he pressed my hand briefly. Hopefully he thought the low temperature was because of my being outside, "Shouldn't you know where your brother is?" he questioned suspiciously and I caught a glimpse of his cool, professional police face.

I looked down, hoping for the ashamed-little sister look, "We had a falling out, awhile ago … I lost touch and only just came to my senses. I really miss him and the family and need to find him to apologize." I lowered my voice so that the Chief had to lean in to hear me. I poured all of my need and sorrow into my tone. It wasn't hard to sound pathetic.

To my relief he relaxed further and smiled at me, the suspicious policeman's countenance disappearing, "Why don't you come in and dry off and you can give him a call."

"No," I said too quickly. The chief's eyes narrowed and at once his professional face appeared again. I backtracked a little, "I mean, I would kind of like to do this in person, not over the phone. I think that would be best."

He nodded slowly, unsure if he truly believed me, but apparently willing to give me the benefit of the doubt because he held the door open for me and stepped back to let me in, "All right."

I followed him into the too small kitchen, trying not to drip too much on the floor, and stood there examining the room as he dug through a small junk drawer. He abruptly turned smiling at me, a small address book in hand.

"Here it is. I email Bella mostly and we talk every other week or so, so I don't have her address memorized," He explained sheepishly.

I smiled reassuringly, "I know the feeling."

He pulled out a pair of reading glasses from his shirt pocket, adjusted them and commenced flipping through the little book.

"Ah, here it is. Bella and Edward," -- his tone was slightly disapproving when he mentioned Edward – "are currently in Maine." His tone was regretful as he scrawled their address on a scrap paper. I could tell that he missed his daughter and wasn't at all quite sure why she never came to visit. "But here is their address. They live with Carlisle and his wife."

I took the paper from him, committed it to memory, and stashed it in my back pocket, hoping the rain wouldn't damage it before I could get it into a deep pocket in my pack.

"Thanks Chief. You've been a big help. I really appreciate it." The gratitude was plain in my voice.

"No problem." He replied pulling his glasses off and restoring them to his pocket. His next comment surprised me. "Seeing as it is so late, would like to stay for dinner? I was just about to fry up some fish. Caught 'em today," He said in a tone meant to tempt me into staying.

I smiled, touched by his offer. Humans mostly tried to avoid me. He must have been more accustomed to the feelings vampires gave him, "Thanks that sounds great, but it's a long way to Maine and I had better get going."

The Chief looked out the kitchen window and into the dark night. Not a star was visible, "It's a little late to be starting out, don't you think?" His voice was thick with worry.

I mentally kicked myself. Of course he would be worried. I was a young woman, alone, and informing him that I was going to start a cross-country trip in the middle of a dark and stormy night. I would have to be more careful with what I said.

I smiled reassuringly at him, "Oh, I won't leave tonight. I'll wait 'til morning, but I think," – I stifled a fake yawn – "I should turn in early. Thanks again for the offer."

"You staying at The Inn?"

The chief's question was casual, but I saw him watching me closely. I knew that the moment I left he would be calling every motel and hotel in Forks – all three – to check up on me. I also knew he would call Bella and Edward and inform them of my coming when he couldn't find anyone with any knowledge of me.

I nodded coolly. He sensed I knew.

"Yup. Thanks again."

He followed me to the door. "Wet night tonight," He commented.

I ducked out into the drizzle and looked up, enjoying the feel of the rain on my face, "It is. I'll tell Bella you send your love." and I turned and walked away. I knew my lack of car would not go unnoticed and sighed.

As soon as the Chief went back inside and closed his door, I ducked to the side and cut across his neighbor's backyard, into the trees. I grabbed my pack, pausing only for a second at the unfamiliar scent that clung to the canvas, before securing it on my back. It was the same scent I had smelled at my parents' house. I looked around me and seeing only dark trees, I figured it must have been leftover from my time at the house. I had stuffed fresh clothes in there, it was probably from them and I hadn't noticed it until I set my pack aside for awhile then picked it up again.

Then I eased into my ground eating lope and flew through the dripping trees. As I said good-bye to Forks, I knew I would miss it. I had loved the cool, wet weather of this place. It was peaceful and I could see why the Cullens would have taken to it. The rain was comforting and painful at the same time. It washed everything clean but its subtle scent brought back memories I didn't care to remember.

I wondered uncomfortably later as I left the state of Washington behind me, if any of the Cullens would be in Maine when I got there or if the Chief's warnings would cause them to leave. I sincerely hoped that they would not be scared of one lone person asking about them and possibly coming to see them. I prayed they would be there and I prayed they would accept me.

I was so caught up in my musings that I failed to see or scent the dark shadow tailing me.


	16. Chapter 16

**It has been awhile since I updated and for that I apologize. I hope the posting of two chapters will make up for it, though I am not sure when I will be updating again because of the holidays. Anyway, enjoy these two. I will post as soon as I am able and above all REVIEW!!**

**Oh, and to Jenny and Victoria, thanks for the kind words!**

**Have a Merry Christmas -- or whatever it is you celebrate at this time of year!!! I hope you are all healthy and happy and get to eats lots of good food! (That's what I plan on doing!)**

**Chapter 16**

I researched the town of Millinocket, Maine as I went -- whenever I felt up to the press of humans or needed some sort of reassurance that I was not the last creature on earth.

It appeared to be somewhat central in the state. Near both mountains and lakes – an ideal place for creatures that needed privacy and a large food supply. I hoped there would be a lot of cloudy days there, but was unable to find much that told me yes or no.

A it turned out, it was sunny the day I got into town – well, outside of town. The sun glinted off the snow and the air smelled crisp and clean as I consulted my scrap paper. The Cullens lived on Elm Street, but with the sun so bright in the late winter sky, I would have to wait about going into town and locating the house.

I hunted near a large lake just west of the town, making sure to avoid anything that might indicate humans being near. It was cold enough they stayed away. Winter made the game a little more challenging to find, but that night I tried moose for the first time – good volume, not bad flavor, but big and strong and a slightly more challenging kill. I felt more relaxed once the burn had been calmed and my thirst eased.

As the sun set, I found myself too anxious to stop by a gas station and check out my appearance. Along the way, I had tried to take care that my hair was clean and somewhat arranged, but with the constant traveling, I knew I looked hard worn. I only hoped I looked civilized enough that they wouldn't think me a threat, though understanding a bit more of the predatory nature of my kind, I doubted my appearance, wild or urbane, would make much difference.

Elm Street wasn't that difficult to locate. The print-out map I had made of Millinocket was surprisingly accurate. The house, though, was a different story. It was set back – far back – at the end of Elm; I would never have thought it on the same street. There was only a small marker that even gave indication of another home being that far back and it was half covered in snow. A couple of times I almost turned around thinking that I was wandering to nothing and the marker had been for something other than a home. I figured I was already half-way back to the lake, when something made me suddenly stop dead in my tracks.

The scent of others like me caused me to freeze and search the dark even closer. A shape materialized out of the shadows and approached me cautiously. It was a male vampire. He appeared quite young, though something in his eyes led me to believe he was older than he looked. He had an untidy mop of unusually shaded auburn hair. At maybe an inch shorter than Demetri – I pushed the thought quickly aside before it could incapacitate me – he was not nearly as muscular. He was more slender than Demetri and it came to me that he must have been changed before he had reached his full growth. He watched me intently, eye narrowed and shoulders tensed as if for a fight.

Two others, one blonde and one dark headed and each bigger then the first, immediately flanked him and I drew myself to my full height somewhat resignedly. I was much smaller than all of them. There was no way I could out fight three – if I had wanted too and been able – and if they were part of the family I was searching for, I didn't want to.

"We've been waiting for you." The auburn haired male said softly in melodic voice.

I raised my eyebrows as much at that as the color of his eyes as they registered in my brain. They were an unusual amber color, as were those of his silent companions. I had never seen eyes that color before in human or vampire.

I found myself grinning at that and the fact that these three males glowed much like Demetri had and I was hard pressed to feel any fear at looking at them, though I knew they could destroy me in a second had they the desire.

"You have?"

There was a short nod in the affirmative but his face did not soften and he did not relax.

"Was it the Chief?"

This time he ignored the question, "If you'll come with us, we'll answer all your questions."

I glanced at the two flanking vampires. They were both tall and strong, but only one more so then Demetri. I could well imagine their strength and didn't want to come against it. Their faces, for all the glow, were severe and I felt the first stirrings of unease. I prayed that I was not walking into a lion's den.

"We promise not to eat you."

I stared in disbelief as the leader smirked at me. It was as if he could read what I had thought. I shook my head wryly as a memory stirred. I had forgotten that Demetri had told me there was one in this family who could do exactly that. I raised an eyebrow in question and received a small smile in return. I would have to be extremely careful of what I thought about. I started reciting the multiplication table.

The leader chuckled and I felt his two companions relax at the sound – relax, but that didn't stop them from following too close behind me as I followed their leader. My instincts wildly protested having two unknown male vampires behind me and it was all I could do to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other instead of glancing back over my shoulder every few seconds and growling in warning.

We walked in silence and it seemed the only thing I could hear was the gentle sound of the snow that had begun to fall as it hit the ground and our steady breathing, which didn't steam in the cold night. It didn't take long before we reached the end of the long curving drive and I gaped at the large house that stood before me.

It was one of those old saltbox colonial numbers. Tall and stately, white with dark, slate colored shutters and a cheerful red door. With the snow falling gently and smoke curling from its twin brick chimneys, it looked like a Christmas card and I heard my breath catch. For a second I had to stop to stifle the anguish that threatened to overwhelm me.

I suddenly felt so alone and so old. I had experienced way too much in the last year -- too much sorrow, too much betrayal, both of me and of my own doing. I wanted to rest. I wanted to feel warm and whole again. I missed my family. I missed … I hugged myself at the thought and wrenched myself away from it.

The leader turned and watched me alertly. His movement halted my current line of thought; I smiled grimly, and lurched forward uncharacteristically clumsy for a vampire.

"Lead on," I murmured, averting my eyes from his sharp gaze.

I caught him glancing behind me and to my left. From of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the flanks, the blonde, shrug noncommittally. The leader pinned me with a very thoughtful look and it was a few seconds before he moved again.

He led us up the stairs and pushed the red door open, allowing me to go ahead of him into the warm house. The lights were on and cozy fires in large hearths burned brightly, beating back the chill. I felt comforted just stepping over the threshold. I would have cried if I could've. I gulped the dry sobs back.

My guard shook the snow from their hair and removed their coats as others converged on us. I stood unsure as to what to do until a soft voice interrupted my confusion.

"May I take your coat?"

I turned my attention to who had spoken. She was a beautiful woman, not as tall as me, with a loving round face and kind eyes. She was somehow softer than most of the vampires I had seen, myself included, and as with the leader in the forest, she glowed; the only face I saw was her true face and it was sweet and calm. I nodded and shrugged out of my pack, quickly unbuttoning my coat and slipping off my hat and gloves.

A tall, blonde man, with clear, handsome features, came forward hand outstretched and clasped mine firmly when I placed it in his. I could hardly contain the sigh of relief that forced its way out of my mouth at his touch. It was like a preserver thrown to a drowning man. I knew I would be fine. All my anxiety and fear left and I sagged a little at the release.

He smiled gently as if he understood, "I'm Carlisle, little sister." He said and I heard the amusement in his voice as he gave me the title. I saw answering smiles all around.

I returned the smile and shook my head, "I never really stopped to think it through. It was the first thing I thought of when I ran into Angela and Ben on the street. I just hoped that you were blonde enough for me to pull it off."

He chuckled, "It seems to have worked."

I nodded, "Thankfully. I am Sarah Wilder and I have been looking for you and your family for what seems like forever."

"Would you like me to take your glasses?" The calm woman was back.

I chuckled humorlessly as I took them off and waited for the condemnation to start, "Sorry, habit."

She nodded and as I steeled myself and looked around, I relaxed. There was nothing to be felt but acceptance. "It's understandable." She said softly.

Carlisle touched my shoulder lightly, "Please, come into the family room and we'll introduce you to everyone."

"Thanks, I'd like that." I murmured, letting him guide me to a large room off the entrance. This time it wasn't so bad to have unknown vampires at my back.

They all sat quietly as I told them as much of my story as I could; my kidnapping and subsequent change, the powers I woke up to find I had and the problems they had caused. I left out some detail, though, unwilling and unable to dredge those memories up just yet. I could see they knew I was holding back, especially Edward – the mind reader, and there was some reserve in their eyes, but it was tempered with empathy.

"So, now that we have heard your story," Carlisle began, "what would you like of us?"

I sighed and looked out the window for a few seconds before I answered him, "I really just want a home. I can't feed," my voice broke at the word and my mind skittered away.

It had been a long night and despair was never far from my thoughts. I tried to stop the flashes of frightened human eyes and the echoed hoarse human screams, but I am sure Edward saw something of it. His eyes met mine, but he said nothing and I felt a simultaneous wave of calm wash through me and I glanced from him to the gathered family wondering who it was and how.

I took a deep breath and began again, steadier this time, "I can't feed on humans. I can't and I don't know how to live as one of us and not, though I never have." I hoped it made sense and I wouldn't be asked to explain further. I don't think I could have handled it well at this point, maybe later, but not tonight. I was simply too heartsick and worn out.

Carlisle was thoughtful, "We will have to discuss this." He said glancing around at his family. "Can we tell you in the morning?"

I nodded, trying not to appear too eager, in case they decided against me, "All I wanted was a chance."

Esme, Carlisle's mate, smiled gently at me, "We have a guest room ready for you, if you would like to rest and wash up."

I wearily got to my feet and smiled gratefully, "That sounds wonderful."

I retrieved my pack from the entryway and followed her upstairs to the top of the house. It was the attic room and I loved it. It was away from the bustle of the house and the dormer window overlooked the mountains and trees. Through a wide skylight I could look up and see the few brave stars that twinkled through the wispy clouds.

They had painted the walls a soft gray-blue and the furniture was black to accent it. I immediately recognized the lovely reproduction of a nighttime seashore lit by the full moon that decorated one wall and couldn't stop myself from reverently touching the frame with one finger. It was calm and soothing and just what I needed.

I turned to Esme with a lump in my throat. I couldn't speak so I just stood there breathing harder then normal and rocking slightly. She smiled at me and enfolded me in her arms. I lost it then and sobbed tearlessly into her shoulder. She held me like my mother would have, rubbing my back, until it was all out and I felt marginally better.

"I'm sorry," I murmured as I stood back.

She smoothed a strand of my hair back into place and gently patted my cheek, "No need to be sorry. I forget how lucky we are to have one another."

I looked into her calm eyes, "You are." I agreed.

She drew back to the hallway, "Get some rest, Sarah dear."

I nodded, thinking I could do just that in this beautiful quiet house, even if they asked me to leave tomorrow, I would be able to rest for the night and I would be grateful for it, grateful for the chance they gave me, grateful for the comforting way my name rolled off Esme's tongue. It was good to feel at home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Morning touched me, warm and golden as the family below me, as I sat against the wall and sketched in the sunlight.

My pictures were of them; their faces, their house, their forest. I tried to capture the glow that encircled them even as I tried to define it in my mind. Demetri had had the same radiance, but it hadn't registered to me as anything other than who he was. Perhaps, the good, instead of being terrifying, were golden. It was a pleasant thought.

But why weren't Demetri and the Cullens like the others I had met? Why were they not frightening to me? I realized then that it didn't matter. They were good and come what may, I didn't want to forget them. So I carefully drew each one and added them to those in my sketch book. I would need another shortly, mine was almost full. There had been a lot to record.

There was a quiet knock on my door and I turned my eyes to it, not bothering to get up, as it slowly opened. A lovely girl stood golden and glittering in the early light. She smiled at me. I quickly flipped to a blank page and drew a rough sketch of what I saw. She was too exquisite in the light of that early morning, not to have a page devoted to her.

"Don't move," I muttered when I saw her poised to take a step. "Edward will love this."

Bella rocked back on her heels and froze into position. I grinned to myself, the freeze was unnatural, but I didn't say anything about it and I had the picture of her in my head to help my hand as it flew down the page. I paused and studied what I had drawn. There were definite advantages to being a vampire. I drew faster and never forgot what I saw. When I was content my drawing would do until I could refine it. I closed my book and set my pencil aside and went to stand in front of her.

"Would you like to come down now?" She asked.

I glanced at my pack and back to her, my eyes no doubt betraying my trepidation, "Do I want to come down?"

She put her arm around my shoulders and offered a brief squeeze, "You do," She said with a smile to rival the sunrise.

Her smile eased my anxiety and I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. I let her lead me downstairs to the family room. Today I was able to see what it looked like. Last night I had been too preoccupied to give it much more than a cursory glance.

There was a big main hearth, where a fire crackled cheerfully. Several oversized sofas were arranged to face each other and the hearth, a large square ottoman in the middle. The wide windows let in the light and were hung with heavy cream colored drapes. Everything, except the contrasting dark wood of the hearth and the dark leather of the ottoman were in soft shades of cream.

I turned my attention from the cozy décor to the people in the room. The enitre family was present and Bella immediately left my side and plopped herself down beside Edward. He, in response, threw his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to his side, kissing her temple in an almost reverent way. I mentally winced at their absorption and the pure adoration and happiness that radiated from them and looked down before anyone could read the sorrow in my eyes. I only just stopped myself from rocking.

"Sarah, please have a seat." Carlisle's voice was warmer then I remembered it being. I looked up and he motioned to a dining room chair that had been brought from somewhere. Looking up the room, I caught sight of the expansive kitchen and figured there must be a dining room nearby, perhaps hidden by the stairs. I was surprised, what would vampires need with a dining room?

I kept my eyes focused on the floor as I made my way to that single chair that could have had the look of the electric chair, had the mood of the room not been so calm. But that could have been only because a decision had been made, not because they were going to allow me to stay.

I perched on the edge of the chair and grabbed the sides of it in a desperate attempt to keep myself still. In my anxiety, I had to work not to crush the chair under my fingers. I chanced a glance up and found all eyes turned to Carlisle, except Jasper's. He studied me for a moment, his face impassive, then I felt a wave of the same calm I had the night before calm my rapid breathing and soothe my aching head.

I breathed in and it felt good. I smiled tentatively at him and he smiled back at me before turning his attention to Carlisle also. I met the amber eyes of the Cullen's leader and braced myself for whatever he had to say.

"Sarah," he began, "I hope you know how honored we are that you sought us out. As you can imagine, we have a very decided set of rules that our family must live by in order to remain inconspicuous. If you are willing to learn and live by these rules, we would be delighted if you stayed with us."

I nodded in wholehearted agreement as I sagged against the wooden chair. Any weight I had been feeling since leaving Italy up to that point evaporated instantly and it was all I could do to keep from leaping from my chair and showing them just what kind of crazy they had let into their home.

Edward grinned at my exultant thoughts, "It's quite permissible to dance around if you would like. We won't think you're crazy," He said. Bella rolled her eyes and elbowed him, but she was grinning happily too.

Alice was up and nearly knocking me over in the chair as she hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, "I knew you would stay." She stated triumphantly. "I saw it. I wanted to tell you earlier, but," she tossed her head back to her family, our family, "they had to keep it a secret."

I couldn't help the silly grin that was plastered to my face as sweet relief flowed through me. "That's okay, I'm sure the wait did me good."

I accepted Esme's embrace of welcome with my own tight one of gratitude and I couldn't help wrapping my arms around Carlisle as well. I let him hold on to me for awhile, I was too choked up to speak and it felt so good to be in a father's embrace again.

I learned Emmett's true nature as he hauled me three feet off the ground and nearly squeezed me to death in a killer grip. I smiled and rubbed my ribs more out of habit then pain when he set me down, though I think I had heard them groan at some point during his hug.

Rose was grace itself as she clasped me briefly and kissed each cheek, but there was something in her eyes that told me she wasn't fully approving of this decision and I wondered if they had forced her to agree, or it had been a majority vote and she was vetoed.

Jasper made me feel much better. He seemed a naturally reserved person, but the reticence was more that of a predator meeting another is his territory and not on account of fear or disapproval. That alert manner and the aura of quiet strength that he exuded were reminiscent of Demetri and I found it comforting. He sedately shook my hand as Alice danced around him.

"Thank you, for the calm," I told him. He gave me a funny look and I think he was surprised that I had figured out it was because of him. "It has been a long time since I have felt that."

At my words, I felt the ever present tumult of memories beating at the back of my mind. I felt myself fragmenting and took a breath to force it back. I dropped Jasper's hand and took a step away from him. It wouldn't be fair to him -- or me -- if I continued to let him medicate me. I had to learn to deal with my past and let it die or let it out into the open. He raised his eyebrows but sagely allowed me space.


	18. Chapter 18

**I hope that everyone had a fabulous holiday! Sorry, I have taken so long to update, but the good food and my family have been keeping me busy -- not to mention my dad's computer sucks! Anyway, hope you enjoy the next ****two chapters and as always review!**

**Enjoy!!! **

**Chapter 18**

The weeks flew by after that fantastic morning. I grew more comfortable with everyone and them with me, though they couldn't understand why I tried so hard to keep some things hidden from them. They never pushed the subject and after a month or so they let it drop altogether, but I continued to see the worry in their eyes and the silent communications that passed between them.

It was easier for me to be around them then it had been those in Italy. Here they respected life and that helped my focus. It amazed them that I had traveled so far being so young and never breaking down once and taking a human life. I would smile sadly at their comments and think if only they knew the real reason they might not feel that way.

I loved to sit with them when they were gathered together, even if it was just to watch TV. I sat back and watched as they interacted and laughed with each other. I tried to be happy. It was my nature to be happy, but it was difficult now. I was surrounded by good people, yet I was terribly lonely and didn't know how exactly to handle it.

One cold night when the house was quiet, I sat by myself in the game room and flicked restlessly through the channels. I didn't know what I wanted to watch, but I wasn't ready to retreat to the absolute isolation of my room. I loved it and often needed the loneliness of it, but tonight I didn't want to be alone.

The thought of all those I was growing to love, sequestered away in their rooms with their mates, hurt tonight and I wanted something to take my mind off the ache that filled my chest and the emptiness of my arms.

"Seven hundred channels and still not a dang thing on," I muttered as I continued to click restlessly through the channels.

I was so annoyed I didn't notice Edward until he had settled himself beside me. I glanced over in surprise as he propped his bare feet up on the oversized ottoman. He was dressed in a t-shirt and flannel bottoms, clearly ready for some down time. I wondered where Bella was.

"So," he said in an offhand manner – I was learning that he spoke like that only when he was sure something was up, "When are you going to explain the pictures I see flash through your mind?"

I froze in my obsessive channel surfing and turned slowly to face him. He had never outright questioned me on anything. I could feel what little color I had in my face drain away at the thought of what he had seen. I felt sick that despite the effort I had put forth, he had still seen what I most wanted hidden.

"What have you seen?" I whispered in a strangled voice I didn't recognize.

He shrugged, "Not a lot. You are astonishingly good at keeping me out."

I nodded weakly, "I tried really hard."

"I know and I can't help that I see what you don't want me to see," He turned his body toward me. "It hurts us all to see you struggle the way you do and know we are powerless to help you or even be there to listen when it gets to be too much for you to go through all on your own. We all have painful pasts and it helps to share the burden."

I couldn't look away from his piercing eyes. It didn't matter that I was one of them now, they still had the ability to trap me with their eyes.

"What did you see, Edward?" I repeated in chilled tones.

"A human woman, alive in one second, dead in the next. I hear the screams of a man, see the trees ghosting by, a pair of red eyes … what are you running from, Sarah."

I flinched and slowly lay the remote down to disguise the shaking of my hands. It had to come out sooner then later. Edward didn't move only waited patiently for me to begin

"The woman was my sister, Jess." I explained pulling my knees up to my chest and rocking a little. I couldn't seem to be able to stop it. "The man was her husband. They were looking for me, wouldn't believe I was dead and _they_ found them."

"They?" he asked in confusion and I gave up words, finding it impossible to speak them and instead simply allowed him to see what he would.

I watched as Edward's face grew harder and more vampiric than I had ever seen it. Pure, unadulterated rage mingled with horror, bleached him further and I heard him growl low in his chest at one point and later a furious hiss escaped him. He blinked, shook his head and was abruptly back, with me.

I had stopped rocking, "I ran to keep from being seen as a monster." A shudder ripped through me and I stared at the TV with unseeing eyes, "Tom saw me as that … I saw it in his eyes."

The flood of memories caused me to shake convulsively. The room seemed to jitter around and I had to close my eyes. It struck me again how unfortunate it was that being what I was couldn't stop me from feeling all too human emotions.

"You're not a monster, Sarah," Edward whispered. "You did it because you loved her."

My breath caught at mention of my motives and suddenly, almost as it had done the first night with Esme, the dam broke and I felt harsh sobs rip from my chest. My whole body shook with them and it was all I could do keep myself somewhat quiet, though, somewhere deep inside I knew everyone heard me and had come down to at last learn what I was hiding. I buried my face in my knees.

Edward was gentleness himself as he wrapped his arms around the tight ball that was me and hugged me tightly. He said nothing and let me cry.

There was some comfort in that, but he wasn't who I wanted … who I needed. That was the worst part. Talking about Jess had been painful. I knew she had forgiven me, that helped ease the ache, but nothing compared to the loss I felt for someone else; for _his_ arms and _his_ husky voice to soothe me, for _him_ to tell me that _he_ did not see me as I saw myself. And as my frightening noises grew more frenzied for a few brief seconds until I could gain some control over myself, I felt Edward stiffen in alarm and I tried to pull back, to distance myself from him. He didn't need to be here. It wasn't fair to him.

"You're not a monster." He growled in my ear, refusing to let me go.

I shook my head in disagreement and I felt him haul me back by my shoulders.

"You are not like them." He said severely as he glared at me.

"But she was pregnant, Edward," I whispered harshly, unable to contain the grief that shook me and needing a release. "And _I_ killed them both and ran."

That was the worst part – that I ran. Edward could sense it, but I wouldn't let him see how _that_ was worse.

I could see the family gathered in the entryway. They had only heard what I said and not seen what Edward had; their expressions ranged from hollow-eyed shock to cold fury. I was unable to look away, though my entire being screamed for me to run, to escape. I was tired of running.

Edward's eyes closed at my pronouncement, he had seen it, but still it pained him to hear, then he hugged me close again and stroked my hair, "It's all right, Sarah," He crooned soothingly. "You did what most are not strong enough to do. You couldn't let her suffer. She forgave you. It's all right. She forgave you."

I knew deep down that before I had done the unthinkable, Jess had already forgiven me. I hoped that once Tom had found out what my kind were capable of, he had forgiven me. I just couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't not see myself as a monster. I couldn't not help wondering what it was everyone who looked at me saw.

"Bella," I heard Edward call.

She was instantly beside him, eyes dark with worry as they flicked to him and back to me.

"Go with Bella, Sarah. I'll explain everything to the family."

I allowed Bella to pull me up and she slung her arm around my shoulders, almost supporting me as she accompanied me to my room.

She curled up next to me after I had lay down on my bed and stroked my hair, humming some little song faintly under her breath. It calmed me, her rhythmic strokes and the soft sound of her voice and soon my breathing had calmed and I lay like a stone, completely drained and hollow. Bella never left me. I loved her even more for that.

I slipped into some kind of trauma related trance later that night. It wasn't sleep – I was still aware of everything that was going on – but I couldn't respond to anything I heard. In fact when I came to myself the next morning, I would say it felt like a dream.

--------------------

I went hunting alone the next day. It was the first time since arriving that they had allowed me to be on my own. I figured they trusted me now they had a reason I would not to go near the town or any humans I might find.

As I had left the house, no one had spoken to me, but I had felt their silent support and had seen it in their eyes. Whatever Edward had told them had done the trick. There was no blame and, thankfully, little pity.

I ran for about an hour before deciding I was far enough away to let go of my civilized façade. It felt good to run with no other thought worrying me except what was on the menu. I hit the hot trail of elk and tracked it to a small herd. My nose allowed me to identify a weaker animal and I pursued it until it tired and lay down offering little resistance. Once I had drunk my fill, I ravaged the carcass a little to make it look as if the animal had been taken down by a cougar or pack of wolves.

In the short time I had been with them, the Cullens had taught me the importance of making sure nothing stood out. For all our predatory behavior, our bites unsurprisingly resemble a human bite. That, we couldn't change, but we could make it look as though our prey had been brought down by nothing but another carnivore, that or bury it and I didn't feel like getting my hands dirty at the moment.

I took my sweet time going home. I enjoyed the silence of the snowy forests, the coolness of the wind and clean quality of the air. It was hard to find places this pure anymore.

Since I was still far from home and certain Edward couldn't look into my head and Jasper couldn't feel my emotions, I let my thoughts wander. I realized that I hadn't thought about the unfamiliar vampire for awhile and that bothered me a little. I didn't know anything about the creature and couldn't afford to become lax, no matter how comfortable I was – not that I would have known what to do if confronted by it but I didn't want to bring it here. I hoped it would never come to that.

Then as always, my thoughts veered towards Demetri. Unable to stop the flood, I sat for a time on a snow covered log and let the memories of him flow through me. I relived the first moments I saw him – all the terror and, underneath it, a strange wonder. I surrounded myself with what I remembered, and vampires have remarkable memories, of his strength and heady scent, until my senses were overcome. If something had been following me it would have been all too easy for it to get me in those moments – I was not alert to anything but my fantasies.

I missed him so much that I almost made up my mind to return to Italy – damn the consequences, but I knew I couldn't. The thought of returning to the place where I had been forced to commit such an unforgivable offense caused me to start rocking. As much as I desired to be in Demetri's arms and to feel him in mine, I couldn't be on the same continent as Aro and the rest of his devils.

I dragged myself to my feet and ran, hoping the instinctual movements would cause me to revert to my wilder nature and forget – even for awhile. But it didn't and when I got back to the house, I felt even more raw and weary than I had before I left.

To my surprise, everyone was waiting for me in the family room with that quiet that comes before a storm. The air was tense and thick with unanswered questions and an anxious, anticipatory silence.

It was clear Carlisle had been pacing as he waited for me. He stopped now and faced me, a small frown creasing his brow. Rose stood, one eyebrow cocked and slender arms folded across her chest, glaring at me. Edward's face was pulled into a disapproving frown and Bella was glowering at him. It was impossible not to see her frustration. Alice was unusually subdued and Esme's eyes were bleak. Emmett watched me curiously and Jasper sat quietly, waiting, his eyes on me and the room curiously devoid of emotion.

"What happened?" I asked without removing my coat. The tension in the room was hard not to react to and I felt myself growing uneasy.

Carlisle turned and looked at me, "We were hoping perhaps you could tell us."

I slowly unbuttoned my coat and slipped it off, folding it over my arm as I hugged myself, "I don't know what you're talking about. I've been out hunting all day."

"We know," Rosalie said in a hard tone. Emmett came to stand beside her and put a restraining hand on her shoulder; she shrugged it off and growled at him.

I blinked, taken back at her viciousness, "What are you talking about?"

I couldn't imagine what warranted this behavior, I hadn't done anything wrong that I knew about. The elk I had pulled down had been weak and chances were it would not have lasted the winter – if that had even mattered to my new family. I was quite sure that no one had seen me, so what could have happened while I was out to cause everyone to look at me as if, well, as if I had killed my sister? I felt myself getting defensive.

Carlisle held up his hand, "That's enough, Rosalie," He said softly before turning his full attention to me. "A man was brought to the hospital this afternoon."

I waited for more information on why this was important and wondering that had to do with me.

"He had been attacked by some 'animal' and later died on the operating table." Carlisle was grim as he related the story. It was obvious by 'animal' he meant _vampire_. I felt my stomach knot and I shifted uncomfortably.

"It wasn't me, if that's what you're getting at. I went west; about an hour's run from the town -- in the mountains. I pulled down an elk. It's still there if you care to check I'm not lying."

"She's telling the truth, Carlisle," Edward stated with a softening of his face. "I can see where she went and what she did. She didn't go into town and never ran into any humans."

"I told you she didn't do it," Bella said more to Edward than to anyone else.

I had no time to berate Edward for peeping into my mind because though Esme had relaxed at Edward's pronouncement, Rosalie's arms were still folded and her face had not softened. She didn't believe me. I glared back at her then turned to Alice.

"You must have seen something," I said.

She shook her head, frowning, "No. I don't have such a close bond to you yet and had no reason to go looking into your future. I saw Carlisle with the man, but not who attacked him."

I narrowed my eyes, "Well, it wasn't me." I persisted stubbornly. "I'm not exactly keen on the idea of killing humans – no matter how badly they look as if they need killing and I certainly wouldn't call attention to you by leaving someone alive but torn up. It's irresponsible and not really my style." It was hard to keep the scathing sarcasm out of my voice.

"I believe you, Sarah. Calm down," Carlisle said.

I glared at him then sank down on the couch beside Jasper. He patted my knee in a comforting manner. I gave him a small smile and leaned against his shoulder, taking comfort from his solid presence.

"You didn't smell anything unusual?" I asked miserably and Jasper put his arm around my shoulders. Out of everyone, he understood what I was feeling the best and not only for the reason that he could feel my emotions.

Carlisle shook his head, "By the time I got to him, what had been left of his clothes had been destroyed and he was already washed and prepped for surgery. It was impossible to smell anything but that. Given the extent and type of damage, it was impossible not to recognize the marks of a vampire. It seemed someone new and out of control – or a revenge killing. It was overly brutal. Rumors are, the police seem to think it is the work of some cannibalistic cult, though their covering it with an animal attack."

"Where did they find him?" Edward asked

Carlisle answered out loud for the benefit of all of us, "In the school yard. It would seem some of the kids found him."

I winced and broke contact with Jasper as I shrank back into the couch. I had only seen one dead body and that one had been close to perfect, I couldn't imagine a group of little kids coming upon a victim of a vampire. I remembered the way the elk I had just killed looked. It wasn't pretty.

"Edward, Emmett, Jasper," the three looked over at Carlisle, "I would like you to go to the school after dark and see what you can find. If there is a trail, track it, if not, we will have to wait and see if anything else happens. Alice, please inform me if you see anything unusual." She nodded her head. 'Sarah," I looked up at my name, "Please, don't go hunting alone until we have this sorted out."

"But I didn't do it, Carlisle." I protested.

He nodded, "I know, but you are still quite new and I would be more comfortable if someone accompanied you on your hunts."

I had little choice, so I sat back, defeated and more than a little depressed, "Alright."

I would stay near, I would agree to his terms and I would pray that whatever this thing was that it wasn't here for me or any of the Cullens and that we would catch it in time if it was.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The guys never found anything on their night out. It would seem the man had been attacked somewhere else, transported by car to the school and dumped where he was certain to be found. Edward said they hadn't recognized the scent. Alice, for all her multiple attempts, saw nothing. She kept her eyes open though. Everything seemed more or less, if not resolved then quiet for the moment.

Because I was unable to go hunting alone, I most often chose Emmett as my babysitter. I did this for quite a few reasons. He was genial and almost always easy to get along with and quite fun, to tell the truth. He liked to race and wrestle and never shied from tossing me into a lake or a tree, not hard, just enough to let me know he was in charge. But more importantly, he could neither hear my thoughts, see my future, nor feel my loneliness and borderline despair. So, while being with him tended to make my worries disappear – he kept me busy and laughing, I didn't have to hide so much. It wasn't that he didn't notice -- he's not stupid, it was more that he let it slide.

My choice drove Rosalie through the roof – which was cause for a severe eye roll. She was about as much fun as a rock – unless I happened to be someone else. Bella had gone with me on more than one occasion, but I felt she preferred to go with Edward and so let her off the hook. I knew how she felt.

The hunts were never the same as they had been in the beginning. Instead of a shared experience, they were merely two opposing predators hunting at the same time and in the same territory. Definitely a strange feeling and it took some control not to lash out at my partner and drive him or her away -- another reason Emmett was best suited, but I never felt the slightest inclination to share with anyone who accompanied me as I had with Demetri.

When I questioned him on the subject one overly sunny day while we were stuck in the house, Carlisle said this was a normal reaction. He said it would get easier to control the need to stake territory when in hunting mode as I got older, but I would never really be able to share a kill unless it was with my mate – something I had figured out on my own. He added that it was easier with progeny too, but I highly doubted I would ever create a new vampire. As I left his study, he gave me a long appraising look and I wondered if my face – though I had fought to keep neutral, had given something away. I was careful from then on out when I asked questions.

Spring came and the snows melted and I found that I enjoyed gardening. I ravenously read all the books I could get my hands on, sending someone to the library for me often every two days and calling the local nurseries just about as often to pick their brains. They were in the slow season and bored, so had little else to do besides eagerly impart to me their knowledge. Then as the days grew milder, I set to work enriching the soil and planting. I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted and worked to make it that.

It wasn't perfect (my first year I killed several types of flowers before learning how to care for them properly). But the end result was a lovely yard of pretty spring flowers and shrubs. I did, however leave the aerating and mowing of the colossal lawns to the boys as I hated the monotonal task.

Though we became avid news watchers, the authorities reported nothing more about the 'animal' attack and no other victims were found. That didn't mean much except that the vampire responsible had either moved on or was getting better at hiding his or her activities. I would catch Rosalie watching me sometimes with a look in her eye that told me I was still the number one suspect on her list. Needless to say, it did not help our relationship to progress at all.

"Emmett, why does Rose hate me so much?" I asked one evening as we returned home from a successful hunt.

He scratched his neck and shrugged, "I don't think she hates you. It just takes her awhile to let anyone in."

I gave him a disparaging look, "She's lived with Edward for more years then I can count and he still annoys her – Bella's not much better and it's been thirty years for her."

"That's only because Edward is as beautiful as she is and she is still upset with Bella's "bad" decision," Emmet said with a grin. "Don't tell her I said that."

I laughed and shook my head, "Well, Edward's prettier than all of us, so that theory's out. She can't hate me because I'm more beautiful than her, 'cause I'm not and I had little choice in my change."

Emmett sighed and ran a hand through his dark curls, "Well, truthfully, Rose still thinks you are hiding something. She's afraid that you'll bring it home and disturb the peace. Are you hiding anything, Sarah?"

I chewed my lip for a second as I thought. It was very seldom that Emmett asked such direct and serious questions – he was more a man of action. "Nothing that will come back to haunt me, or us." I said with a certain surety.

Emmett slung his heavy arm over my shoulders, "I'll tell her that." Then he let me go and took a couple of steps ahead of me. "Do you smell that?" he asked without turning.

I sniffed the air and caught the scent. It seemed I had spoken too soon. It was a vampire -- unknown but familiar. I felt myself tense as I looked around the trees. I saw Emmett do the same.

"Come on, it seems to be headed towards the house."

My eyes widened and I took off for home, Emmett close behind. No one was supposed to be there, but the thought of the same vampire who had been in my mortal family's home now visiting my new family terrified me. I pulled up short just as I reached the tree line and waited. I had learned it was never a good thing to go into an open area when you didn't know what to expect and a predator was near.

"Let's sneak around back, the trees are thick almost all the way up to the door." Emmett whispered when he caught up to me. I nodded and followed him to the back door.

The scent was stronger and we saw that a small pane had been broken out so the door could be unlocked. It beat having the whole door destroyed. I heard Emmett growl and the sound raised the hair on the back of my neck but I felt the same primitive force to protect what was mine as he did. I glanced at him, waiting for his directions. He set his backpack next to the door, I followed suit.

"I'll head through the kitchen around to the stairs; you do the same through the dining room. We'll head up the stairs together." He whispered.

I nodded and felt my instincts kicking in. I worked on breathing to control the instinctual savage desire I had to track the scent until I found the culprit and rip him or her to pieces. Just the thought that someone had the nerve to break in and threaten my family brought out the beast in me like it hadn't before. I was fairly sure that anyone who went through all the effort of breaking into the backdoor of our home was a threat.

My heightened senses were on high alert as I slipped silently through the dining room. The scent was everywhere and it was hard for me to trail it. I arrived at the stairs just as Emmett ghosted up. He gestured up the stairs and cautiously began to climb. I was one step behind. I was not surprised to find that the scent did not stop at any door, but continued up the stairs until we came to my attic room.

Emmett glanced over his shoulder at me and I saw the wary expression in his eyes. I knew he was wondering if Rosalie had been right about me. I shrugged and shook my head in indication that I had no idea what was going on. I'm not sure he believed me.

He threw open the door and stepped inside. I crowded him a bit as I followed which I know he didn't appreciate because it left little room for him – or me, to maneuver should we have the need. The room was empty, but it reeked of the unknown vampire. Nothing seemed to be touched, but as I looked closer, I saw my sketchbook open on the desk. I reached around Emmet and flipped on the light more out of habit than the need to see, and walked over to my desk.

"This wasn't out when I left," I said, looking up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

He took the book from me and glanced at the page, it was a sketch of my sister Jess.

"You don't recognize the scent?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No. I mean …"

"What, Sarah?" he questioned in a tone darker than anything I had ever heard come from him. He was as sober as he had been the night I first saw him.

I licked my lips, "I've smelled it before, but I don't know who it is." I looked down at the drawing and carefully closed the book, so I couldn't see my sister's face. "The same vampire was at my parents' house. The scent was faded, though stronger in my room and my sister's, but I just thought it was one of Aro's henchmen who had been sent to find someone of mine so they could force me to reveal what the change had done to me."

"And you never told Carlisle?"

I shook my head slowly, "I never thought it was important. I just thought it was old. I never thought …"

Emmett looked around the room once more and sighed, "We had better go call him and tell him now."

I sat on the couch clutching my sketch book to my chest as if it would somehow save me from the guilt I felt as Emmett called the hospital and explained the situation to Carlisle.

"No, no one's here. Whoever it was was gone before we got here." There was a pause and Emmett nodded, "We'll stay here." Another pause, "Yeah, see you soon."

He hung up and turned to me, "Carlisle's on his way home. He's going to call everyone else and have them come home as well."

I looked down miserably, "I don't know who it is that was here, Emmett. You have to believe me."

He stared at me for a long moment then sat beside me, "All right, Sarah, I'll believe you. We'll find who it was."

I felt his acceptance and leaned my head against his shoulder. He slung one of his reassuringly strong arms around my shoulders and I felt a bit better.

It didn't take long for everyone to get home. I heard Edward's car a few second's before Bella came racing in.

"Sarah, are you all right?" She came to a halt when she saw I was fine and heaved a relieved sigh. She plopped down next to my and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, overlapping Emmett's.

Edward came in next, a bit more reserved, but I saw the worry in his eyes. He glanced at Emmett and held his gaze for a moment; I could only imagine what was being said then took a seat across from us and remained quiet and thoughtful until Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Esme came in.

Alice stopped in front of us, her dark eyes unusually sober, "I saw him, but I don't recognize him. I don't know what he's up to except that he seems to be very interested in you, Sarah."

Emmett got up to stand next to Rosalie, who stood glaring at me. Esme took Emmett's place and curled her feet under her. She took my hand as Alice and Jasper sat down next to Edward, but no one said anything more until Carlisle walked in the door and sat down.

"Well, Sarah. Tell us what you know."

The room was full of hushed expectancy and I looked at each in turn.

"I don't know anything except it's the same scent that I smelled at my parents' house, but I don't know anything."

"Do you think it is the Volturi?" he asked, watching me closely.

I shrugged, "It could be. I thought it was at the time, but I thought they came to my house to find someone to use against me. I am not so sure that's right anymore."

"I told you this would happen," Rose blurted, throwing her hands into the air. "I knew she was trouble, lying to people to find us, keeping secrets. She needs to be thrown out."

I narrowed my eyes at her, finally sick of her tormentings. I pulled my hand free of Esme's and jumped to my feet, "That is it!" I practically yelled, facing Rose, my hands balled up immediately. "I don't know why you are so intent on hating me, but I have had it! I've never lied to any of you, I simply didn't tell everything and for good reason. Would you like to admit that you had felt your only choice was to kill your sister and her unborn child?" Rose winced, but continued glaring; Emmett took a half step forward.

"I didn't think so." I hissed, "I have no idea who is haunting my steps, or what they want, or even why me. I know very few vampires, though I will admit, I have a few enemies, but it's through no intentional fault of mine. I can't help what I see any more than you can help being a spoiled, little brat of a diva."

Emmett snorted at that and earned a dark glare. Carlisle stood and raised his hands, "Please, Sarah, sit down. Rosalie, stop blaming Sarah. She is a part of our family now and we will support her. It is apparent that she doesn't know who has been stalking her." He glanced to Edward, who nodded, for confirmation. "We will just have to be more careful."

"The only way to be more careful is to send Sarah away. Nothing like this happened before she came," Rosalie stated accusingly.

Carlisle stood, "Enough!"

Rosalie looked at him for a moment then stalked up the stairs and to her room. We heard her door slam a second later and Emmett sighed.

"I guess I had better go learn the extent of the damage," he said before following her up.

Carlisle turned back to me, "We will find who it is that is apparently stalking you, Sarah. Don't worry about that."

I nodded, unsure as to how they would find the unknown vampire, but putting my trust in their combined talents and strength.

------------------------------------

I threw open my window as soon as I was able to escape to my room. The scent of the invading vampire was still unbelievably strong and it made me uncomfortable. I needed to air out the room and get it smelling like home as soon as possible. I stood staring out the window and into the tall dark trees for a long time, until I felt a strong hand at my throat and a harsh voice hissing in my ear.

"Well, little sister, found protection after all."

I froze as much at the insidious voice as at the cold whisper in my ear. The hand tightened until I was unable to move so it was impossible to see who it was that held me. My mind raced as I tried to place the voice.

"Shall we see if you are as sweet as your sister?"

Something clicked. "Tom?" I breathed in shock.

He spun me to face him, his fingers digging into my shoulders, a mocking smirk on his once handsome face, "The one and only."

He had changed so completely that I would never have recognized him. His eyes were the vibrant red of a newborn and raging with more fury then I had ever seen. I could feel anger and violence pulsating off of him in waves. There was very little that was civilized about him now. He wore no mask and that was horrifying. The face that had so captivated Jess was gone, replaced with one that almost rivaled Aro's in its rage, but unlike Aro, Tom had not learned to control and hide his beast. His smile twisted unpleasantly as he contemplated me. He was not the same man he had once been.

"Tom, you can't do this," I said in a hoarse, shocked whisper.

I was terrified by the implacable gleam in his eyes. I could feel his strength and though I was a newborn and strong in my own right, he was stronger and there was something in the way that he held me that led me to believe he knew what he was doing.

He leaned close to me and his smile slowly widened until he was showing his teeth, "Can and will. You will never run from _this_," He vowed as he threw me into the wall. I hit it hard and slid down dazed. We can be hurt and he was very strong. Tom froze as he took a step towards me, his eyes widening in surprise.

"It doesn't look as though you will be walking away from this either," a furious voice snarled.

I shook my head and when the stars cleared I saw Jasper holding Tom by the scruff of his neck. Jasper's face was curiously controlled, but his eyes burned black in fury. Emmet was right behind him, eyes still golden, was grinning as if he were eager for a fight. I could scent the rest gathered in the hall. Both Tom and I had been too involved in our own little world to have noticed my family creeping up.

Jasper yanked Tom around and snarled ferociously at him. Tom struggled briefly against Jasper's steel hold, but ultimately gave up. With Emmett's help, Jasper hauled Tom downstairs. Alice entered my room and danced over to help me to my feet and I stood shaking for a couple of seconds before I could move.

"That's the one I saw," she said looking up at me. "The one who came into our house."

I could only nod at her before I started down the stairs without a word. When I got to the family room, the men had Tom surrounded. Carlisle turned to me and for the first time, I saw he had lost that cool, easy manner that was him. His eyes, like the others were black and he was just as angry.

"Sarah?" he questioned.

I sat heavily on the couch, "He's my brother-in-law. They must have changed him. Why did you come, Tom?"

He smiled again, "To find you, of course. You killed her, Sarah, and you have to pay for that."

I looked away miserable and started to rock where I sat, "What choice did I have, Tom?"

He surged to his feet only to be thrown back into his chair again by Emmett. The chair groaned. "You could have changed her."

I looked up as something clicked, "Is that what _they_ told you they were going to do?"

"Aro said he never intended for us to be harmed."

I cocked a skeptical eyebrow, "And you believed him?" I stood up and took a step forward, the men watched me closely. "You think him so noble as that?" When Tom didn't answer I continued, "He _intended_ that I kill you both, in the most violent way imaginable. The only thing that kept me from doing it myself is that I see creatures like him – like what you've become, as monsters from nightmares. I don't want to be that and I didn't want that for her."

"Jess could have been like us: strong, beautiful, and immortal." He protested wildly.

"You want her to be like you? You honestly felt it would be better for her if that beautiful innocent woman – the mother of your child, was to become like you are now? I couldn't stand the thought. You must understand, Tom , that Jess was nothing more than a rich meal to Aro. She would have been torn apart, the baby with her. You were changed only so that he could get revenge on me."

"Aro is not vengeful."

I folded my arms across my chest, "He's not? You and Jess were brought in to punish me because I couldn't have him touch me and see what I saw him as."

"You lie," he snarled.

My eyes narrowed in reaction to his attitude, "No, he does. He will do anything to get what he wants. He waited until my mate and only protector was gone before he called me to him and presented you and Jess to me – like a nicely wrapped Christmas ham." I ignored the stunned silence at my announcement; I was too angry to care.

"Ah, Demetri. The coward."

I growled low and deep in my chest and took another step forward. I saw Edward's eyes widen as he looked at his brothers, they wore matching expressions of shock as they realized who it was we spoke of.

"He's no coward, Tom," I hissed venomously, taking another step.

"How do you think I found you?"

His words brought me up short and I shook my head in denial, "He would never turn me over to Aro." I felt my heart splinter as I tried to hold to that one small certainty that Demetri would never betray me like that.

"Oh yes he would." His smile widened, "Of course there were a couple of weeks of _persuasion _before."

"What did they do?" I whispered, horrified to hear his answer, but compelled to ask anyway.

"Well, Felix, you know Felix, don't you Sarah?"

When I only stared dumbly at him, he went on.

"Of course you do, and as you can imagine, Felix can be quite convincing -- I learned a lot from him in those early days. But even after all that, not even Jane could get Demetri to track you himself." His tone was smug.

I didn't think, I only acted and leaped at him hissing and snapping like a rabid animal. I thought like something wild too, only wanting to end the existence of the creature that had hurt my mate. I would have gotten him, yoo, had Emmet not caught me and held me back. I struggled vainly to break free of his hold. If I could have cried I would have been.

"Sarah!" Carlisle snapped.

I looked at him and it took a moment before I knew who he was. As I relaxed, Emmett let me down, but kept a firm hold on my shoulders as we waited for our leader to speak.

"What do you want us to do?" He asked me calmly.

I looked at Tom. He was still grinning; obviously pleased with himself and I felt another surge of electric rage flow through me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I was enraged enough to kill him myself, but I knew I would hate myself even more for it. Tom couldn't help what he had been twisted into. I read the conviction in his eyes. He believed what he said and no amount of my speaking the truth would change that.

"You decide," I told Carlisle before I turned on my heel and ran out the door and away from the house as fast as I could.

I didn't stop for hours. When I did, I found I was lost deep in the mountains, maybe in Canada. I stopped and screamed my frustration and lonely agony to the clear, star dotted sky, then sank to my knees in a deep carpet of pine needles. Would the pain never end?

Edward caught up to me shortly after. Because of my track training, I knew how to run so he was only marginally faster than I which allowed him to find me relatively quickly. He was alone.

"Sarah," he called approaching me cautiously, but there was no fear of me going crazy and attacking him. I was too drained to turn my head, much less leap at him and I had no reason to assault him.

I sat back, down on my rear, "What?" I asked dully.

"I've come to take you home."

"Even though I've slept with the enemy?" There was no humor in my tone. I knew how the family felt about the Volturi and, despite being my mate, Demetri was one of them.

Edward sighed and sat beside me. He looked up into the night. From where we sat you could see eternity in the form of an endless number of twinkling stars. It would have been breathtaking had I not felt like I was breaking into pieces.

"We don't choose who we love, Sarah. I know that better than most," he stated softly. "We want you to come home."

"And Tom?"

Another heavy sigh told me all I needed to know before Edward answered, "Carlisle couldn't turn him loose and he wouldn't agree to our terms."

I hung my head, "It's over."

"Yes."

I allowed Edward to pull me to my feet. It would take some time to get over this, but it was a long walk home.


	20. Chapter 20

**I am so sorry for the long wait, but it has been slow going because I have been unhappy with my chapters. That being said, for those of you who are returning, I have edited chapter 19 (again) and reposted it (1-09-08) and am much happier with it now. There is nothing too new, but it is smoother and flows better.**

**Hope you enjoy what I have done, please review and let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 20**

Everyone was subdued as we entered the house. A lingering scent was all that was left of Tom. I took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. Even though he was gone, the scent still made my beast rear its head. Carlisle called me into his study after I had had some time to calm down.

"I want to go back." I said as I settled myself in one of his plush leather chairs. "I have to make sure Demetri is all right now."

Carlisle shook his head, "I understand how you feel, Sarah, but that may not be the best idea right now."

"How can you say that? How would you feel if it were Esme?"

He smiled sadly at me, his eyes full of compassion, "I would feel the same way, but we thought you might feel the need to go to Italy and Alice looked into it."

I frowned, "What did she see?"

Carlisle looked me straight in the eyes, "It wasn't good. Demetri wasn't there and you were taken and …" his voice trailed off but I understood what was not said.

"Demetri would know if I was near, wouldn't he?"

Carlisle took a deep breath, "I don't know for sure, but I would think that. He was there when I found the brothers and I knew little more about him than what his talent was, but Aro explained it extensively to me. If you have the bond I think you have, he would know when you were near."

"And he would treat me as I treated him."

"It may be more out of guilt, Sarah. We just don't know."

"And we won't unless I go and find out." I insisted.

There was a soft knock on the door and Alice came in. She took the chair beside me and turned to look at me. Her normally cheerful expression was absent.

"You wouldn't find anything out, Sarah. You would be taken before you could speak to him."

I wrapped my arms around myself and sat staring morosely at the shelves of books behind Carlisle. "Then there is nothing I can do."

She shook her head, "But that doesn't mean there is no hope."

I tore my gaze from the books and stared at her, waiting for her to expound on her statement.

Her expression wasn't happy and she looked towards Carlisle as if for permission. "When Tom doesn't check in, some will be sent to find out why he disappeared. One of those will be Demetri."

I swallowed hard, "Who will the others be?"

"Felix and Jane."

My jaw tensed as I imagined the consequences of that visit, "And I suppose it will not be for a social visit that they drop by."

Alice shook her head. "No. Demetri knows Tom was here last. He will be forced to come here, actually threatened. Aro is interested to know what happened ot his newest pet."

I looked back to Carlisle, "What will we do?"

He shrugged, "Nothing. If there is only three, we outnumber them. There is the word of the entire family that Tom was threatening you and you are a member of our family, so it is permissible that we kill him to protect one of our own. Besides there is the fact that he attacked and left a man for the humans to find. Even Aro can't overlook that mishap."

"What if Aro ordered him to do it, figuring we would respond the way we did."

Carlisle spread his hand, "Then no doubt Aro had some I dea of what would happen when Tom caught up with you. He would have known there would only have been a slim chance that he would have found you alone enough to kill you."

I frowned and another spike of pain went through me, "So Tom was only a pawn."

"It would seem that way."

"Poor Tom," I whispered softly, feeling guilt that I had been the cause of all this sorrow.

Alice reached over and patted my hand, "It will be all right, Sarah. I have no reason to believe that after this last encounter, it will all be over."

"Are you positive that they will come here?" I asked hoping her answer would be no, but praying it would be yes. I was desperate to see Demetri, ashamedly enough, even to the detriment of the family. I think they understood, though and that's why they decided to stay and confront the Volturi.

"It's almost certain." She replied.

"This is not your fault, Sarah." Carlisle spoke in level, sober tones. "This just happened to occur to you, but you did not cause this. I know you feel guilty and responsible for bringing this to our door, but you shouldn't. It is just one of those things that could not be foreseen," he smiled at Alice, "even by Alice."

I looked over at my new sister, she shrugged, "I wasn't looking for it," she said. "And I am not perfect."

I nodded, "Who is, Alice? Who is?"

--------------------

Spring faded into summer. My flowers thrived as my eyes grew more golden with each passing month. In the beginning, we lived life every day on full alert, but nobody came and gradually we began to relax. Perhaps Aro had decided after all that Tom was not worth the trouble and effort of sending his most trusted people to find him.

I became mostly a homebody, depression has a way of doing that, and worked outside in the garden or with my pencils and inks. I ventured into town only when I needed something no one else could get, which wasn't often, and I never went by myself.

Esme tried to get me interested in home restoration. I think to take my mind off certain people and things, but I decided it would be something I would pursue some years down the road. I had all the time in the world. So I continued in the garden where I could a little alone.

Demetri was never far from my thoughts – always on the edge, in fact. I wanted to see him and more despondent the more it looked as if he would not be coming. I tried to never let myself dwell on him for more then a few all too brief seconds. It was painful beyond belief and anything longer caught Edward's attention. Jasper spent a lot of time sitting with me as I worked. I learned a lot about him and he became my favorite brother. I think that's the only way I kept holding on.

I did wonder in the dark of night as I lay by myself in my bed or as I slipped through the silent forests if Demetri thought of me as often as I thought of him. I hoped both yes and no. Yes, because I wanted him to love me and think of me; no, because I didn't want him to feel as lost and empty as I felt, though I think he did. And with what Alice and Carlisle had told me, I was pretty sure he hated me for the pain that had been inflicted on him in my behalf. That hurt.

Some days it was all I could do to function normally. Inside I berated myself for running away and leaving Demetri, but I still feared what he would have found when he returned from that last duty. I knew it wouldn't have been the same woman he had left. I wondered if I could ever be that woman again.

"Sarah,"

A shadow fell over me and I glanced up from the bed I was poised over. It was a beautiful, crisp October morning. The lovely, smoky tang of autumn was in the air and I had decided time for the last of the summer flowers to be pulled and the beds readied for next spring's bulbs. The shadow was Emmett and as usual he had a grin on his face, his hands were behind his back. I smiled back in return and pushed back on my knees.

"What's up?" I asked, knowing his wide grin meant something was in the works.

He pulled out a new football and tossed it to me. I caught it more out of reflex then actual talent.

"We're starting a game in ten minutes in the side yard." -- The side yard was a huge, sprawling lawn – "You up for it?"

I narrowed my eyes -- football with vampires? The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, no thunder on the horizon. We each sparkled like the finest diamond and were just as hard. I had played baseball on multiple occasions, but at night during storms when no one could see us.

"What's the catch?" I asked suspiciously.

Emmett laughed, "It's touch football, human style – for a challenge."

I rolled my eyes, "Right." That would last all of three seconds.

"Alice says there are not going to be any storms for the next two weeks." Bella explained as she and Edward walked up to us. "So the guys changed the normal rules."

I eyed the flimsy ball I still held, somewhat dubiously, "I still don't think this ball is going to be up for the job."

Edward took the ball from me and tossed it back and forth from hand to hand, "We took a trip to Lincoln. I think we bought out their Wal-Mart's supply, so we're covered."

Emmett laughed again, "So, you in or are you going to play in the mud some more?"

I stood up, wiped my dirty hands on his shirt, snatched the ball from Edward and darted to the yard, "Last one there has to wash dishes for a week."

Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were already there waiting. I guessed I was the last to be informed. I came to a stop and turned to see who would have to wash dishes. It was Bella, as I knew it would be – why else would I have used dishes as punishment, when we don't use them? She stuck her tongue out at me as she stopped beside Edward, who I was actually surprised had not beaten me. He must not have been trying.

"Bella has to do-o dishes." I taunted her as I turned a rusty handspring on the brown grass.

Had I not been a vampire I probably would have pulled a muscle or fallen on my head in a humiliated heap, but I had enough coordination and grace now to pull it off. I stuck the landing – receiving a round of applause -- and stood for a moment in triumph like any good gymnast would.

I came and slung my arm around Bella's shoulders and kissed her cheek by way of apology, "So, should we start this?"

We divided ourselves into teams: Edward, Bella, Emmett, and Carlisle on one; me, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice on the other. Esme was our referee and cheerleader.

As I had predicted our first ball lasted as long as our 'touch' game did – all of three seconds. Emmett sacked our quarterback, Alice – which killed the ball -- and started all playing so dirty, especially Jasper in retaliation for the unwarranted attack on Alice, that it wasn't another five minutes until Esme had to call us to line.

Undeterred, we played as rough as we could without actually tackling. It was a blast and half-way into the game it looked like someone had been using the side yard for a mine field. Huge chunks of ground had been torn up as we skidded across the grass – having been "tripped" up or pivoting around our rivals.

Our carefree game ground to a halt when Alice missed the ball at the snap. Our team flew to our positions for the play only to stop in confusion when the ball lay lifeless on the ground behind her. She stood blank-eyed for a few seconds then shook her head and scowled in frustration.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked as he and Jasper flashed immediately to her side.

She blinked, "I think we are going to have some visitors." she said slowly. "I see it going either way. They haven't decided."

My heart both sank and jumped in my throat.

"Did you see who they were?" Jasper asked.

Alice shook her head, "No. It was just a flash, nothing is finalized yet." But she looked over to at where I stood beside Bella.

I kept my face impassive and watched as something silent passed between her and Edward. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. I tensed.

"Well, there's nothing we can do until they get here, so let's keep playing." Carlisle said sounding rational – his team was losing by one touchdown.

I laughed. It sounded a bit forced, "Yeah, so we can tromp your butts some more." Jasper tagged my fist and Rosalie smirked at the opposing team.

Emmett snorted, pointed at me and grinned. The sun glinted off his exposed teeth, "You are so going down."

And we started again, only this time we were distracted, no one more than I. I was trying so hard to keep a close eye on Alice and at the same time, the trees at the edge of the lawn. It didn't help my team.

"Sarah, where's your head?" Jasper asked in exasperation after I had fumbled the ball for the second time, this instance resulting in an interception. I growled and tried to rally my scattered thoughts.

"They're coming." Alice announced. "It's Jane … and the others." She turned her eyes to mine.

"How long, Alice?" Esme asked in her sweet voice.

"An hour."

The game was shot after that.

Everyone retreated to the house to wait, except for me. I went back to my flower beds and tried stay calm as I ripped the dying plants from the dirt and flung them into a pile. I concentrated on that alone, trying to avoid all thought and emotion, but I could feel them getting closer -- feel _him_ getting closer -- and with each passing minute my body tensed a little more. It was as if it recognized that its stress was soon to be over and was anticipating it. I picked up the rake and started to smooth over the dirt when suddenly a shadow fell over me.

I looked up in surprise. I hadn't been paying attention and had allowed Edward to sneak up on me.

"What is it?"

"Do you want to come into the house and wait with the rest of us?" He asked with a ghost of a smile on his face. He knew what my answer was before I said it.

I paused in my smoothing, "You know I can't do that, Edward. I need something to do as I wait. I can't stand the thought of even trying to sit. I would probably make everyone nervous with my rocking – especially Jasper."

"Oh, he feels you even from inside the house and is already on edge."

I laid the rake back against the house, "I'm sorry."

"It comes with the territory, but we want you to know we are behind you no matter what and we will do what we have to, to keep you safe."

I smiled in genuine gratitude. I was lucky to have a family like them. "Thanks, Edward. That means a lot."

Then my stomach knotted and I froze, turning my head to the west as Edward started back to the house. He stared at me, eyes widening as he read my thoughts.

"Alice was wrong," I breathed. "They're here."


	21. Chapter 21

**Well, it has been a wild ride so far. I will be sad when it finally comes to an end, there are maybe 2 more chapters and Perceptions will be finished -- my first long work (nostalgic sigh and tears are wiped away), but no fears, I have another story in the works and I'll let you know when it is mostly finished. **

**Enjoy!!!**

**Chapter 21**

I felt _his_ presence even before I could hear or smell him, even before Edward had a chance to scan the forest or Alice had a chance to see. I walked as if in a trance to the middle of the side yard that was still in disarray from our football game and planted myself.

The rest of the family came out and arranged themselves a little behind me, except for Carlisle, who stood by my side. I peered into the forest, tense and poised for something, though I didn't know what. I had no idea how I would react when _he_ came into my line of sight.

A small shape draped in an all too familiar dark cloak was first to step into the sunlight from the murky trees. I could hardly repress the growl that tickled my chest at the smell of the little goblin. How I loathed her. I braced myself for what I would see when she threw back her hood, but she made no effort to move.

The next to follow her from the forest was a gray swathed shape nearly as wide as it was tall. My lips peeled away from my teeth and I crouched a little lower as instinct kicked in. His scent brought on a white-hot rage at the thought of what he had done.

At the achingly familiar scent of the third and final shape, my growl faded into almost a whimper. I froze in my crouch, every muscle tensed and waiting, my eyes on _him_.

The small shape flicked back her hood and smiled blandly, "I will be sure to tell Aro of the warm greeting we received."

Her voice grated on my already worn nerves, though I was relieved that she looked pretty much the same as she had in Italy, therefore no surprises. I straightened with some effort when I saw that Carlisle's brow was creased in disapproval. I would have to put more effort into being better behaved, he deserved that.

"Hello, Jane," He said pleasantly. "And to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?"

I could feel the tension in the air. Emmett and Jasper had come a little closer and stood just behind and to the side of me and Carlisle. Edward had planted himself slightly in front of Bella and the others had arranged themselves around them.

"Aro has sent us to look for one of ours. A male named Tom. We have reason to believe he was here last."

Carlisle nodded soberly, "Yes, Tom was here, but we are sorry to say he is no longer."

"That is too bad. Aro will be disappointed. What happened?" Feigned interest didn't sound good on Jane.

"He attacked a member of my family," there was a slight disturbance as a low, violent growl broke through Carlisle's words.

I caught my breath in sudden hope and watched but Demetri did nothing else and Carlisle continued as if there had been no interruption.

"We offered to let him go and return to Italy with the promise he would no longer be a threat to us, but he refused, so you see, Jane, we had little choice. There were other reasons we had to dispose of him, as well."

"Oh?" Jane said.

"He attacked and left a man where humans could find him and proof of our existence. Tom was well on his way to disaster."

Jane looked bored and unsurprised to learn this bit of news. "I trust you took care of the problem?"

Carlisle nodded, "As best we could. None of the local humans think it was anything more than an animal attack."

"Well, it would seem you had reason to get rid of this male. I will report this to Aro, hopefully he will understand."

My eyes flicked unwittingly to Jane. If this wasn't the end, I would leave. I wouldn't have more of Aro's attention brought here if I could help it.

"I'm sure he will." Carlisle said confidently. "Aro is an unusually wire individual."

"Yes." Jane agreed with a slight tip of her head. "It looks as if things are wrapped up here. We must be going, except …" Her smile grew and her face twisted uncomfortably. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next and I braced myself for it.

Another voice finished Jane's sentence, "We thought that Sarah might be up for a little reunion."

I glared at Felix as he lowered his hood and smirked at me. He looked me up and down appraisingly – I would need a shower after that – and his lecherous grin widened. I barely repressed my answering snarl. I remembered Tom's words all to well and was severely tempted to try my luck against him, but I held my place.

"Gold looks good on you, Sarah," He purred as he turned to his companion. "Don't you think, Demetri?"

My breath caught as Demetri slowly drew back the hood of his cloak and all other thoughts faded into nothing. He glared at Felix, but refused to look in my direction. He looked the same, every angled plane and hard line, down to the impassivity of his eyes. But I knew him better than that and I could sense the differences in him. It hurt and I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder.

Jasper stood by me, eyes still fixed on our guests, but I felt peace gush through my veins almost to the point of my knees buckling. I smiled gratefully at him but stepped out from under his hand and ignoring my enemies before me and those that loved and supported me behind me, I approached the only person who truly mattered at this moment -- the only one who would ever truly matter.

"Demetri," I whispered once my feet had come to a stop in front of him. In my voice I heard such fierce longing and such heartbreaking anguish that I almost broke there and then.

His eyes, those beautiful crimson eyes that had haunted my every waking moment, flashed to mine and his strong jaw tightened. He didn't move but I heard his breathing quicken. It was amazing how good it felt just being near him. His scent washed over me, relieving my tension like a hot shower would.

"They lied to him, Sarah," I heard Edward call quietly to me.

Demetri looked up from me and stared over my head.

Edward continued, "They told him he disgusted you and that's why you left."

I gasped and touched the back of his hand with the tips of my fingers, "No." I hissed vehemently. "Never you, Demetri. _Never you_."

He brought his attention back to me still impressively expressionless and pulled away from my light touch. I dropped my hand, hurt more than I would ever allow to show.

"I left you a note," I tried to explain in a strangled whisper.

"You must mean this."

In horror, I heard Felix's mocking voice and the rustle of paper being drawn from his pocket.

Whirling, I stalked to him and snatched the drawing before he had a chance to pull it away. I snarled at him, furiously enough that even he was silenced for a moment. I scanned the paper. It looked as if it had been folded and unfolded many times and it made me sick to think that Felix had had it all this time. I stared at him a few seconds debating whether or not to tell him I knew what he had done to Demetri and could imagine nothing better than slowly ripping his limbs from his body one by one and burning them in front of him.

I slipped it into my back pocket and went to stand in my place before Demetri. I could feel myself starting to shatter into pieces as I looked up into his face. In a moment I saw a subtle shift in his eyes and knew the pain he felt. He stood almost broken before me and I couldn't even cry for him. I fought not to rock. His eyes mirrored the same anguish that I had been doing my best to hide.

"Why don't you and Felix come to the house and we can catch up." I barely heard Carlisle as he spoke to Jane and then we were alone.

Demetri still hadn't moved. I reached up and framed his face with my hands.

"Please, talk to me," I begged in a quivering voice.

At my touch he finally came out of his daze. He crushed me to him in a movement so quick and desperate that I didn't see it.

"Sarah, Sarah," He murmured into my hair over and over again like a mantra.

I held him as tightly as I could and yet it was nowhere near close enough. I tore myself out of his arms and grabbed his hand, towing him the way he had come.

"This way," I said almost giddily.

We ran hand in hand in silence for about forty-five minutes until we reached the place I wanted to go. It was a secluded little valley, hard to find once and nearly impossible to find the second time. As far as I knew only lost hunters had ever came here. A river ran along its north and western borders, carving its path through the mountains on its way to the sea.

A little moon shaped stretch of beach lay on the west side of the valley; a deep pool of clear water lapped at the coarse sand then twisted away to fall and crash over boulders further down the river's path. I had come often to this little beach to be alone and listen to the sound of the water as it hurried to the ocean, to watch the stars as they wheeled in the sky, always constant in their course.

I loved the sound of the wind as it rushed through the needles of the pines and their creaking as they battled the strength of the gusts and won. I had felt strengthened here in this place of beauty and hope.

It was here I brought Demetri.

I pulled him down to sit beside me on the sand, though I wasn't sure what I would say. Turns out I didn't have to say anything.

"Why did you leave?" he asked watching the play of light on the water.

I pulled the drawing I had taken from Felix and passed it to him. He unfolded it and studied it for a moment before crumpling it into a little ball and dropping it at his side.

"I could never see you as that," He stated firmly. "You are joy and light, not that, and I have never believed you could ever become that. You are too good."

"They brought my sister. They wanted me to feed on her." I said in a small voice. I could almost feel the pain as fresh as it had been that day. "She was pregnant. I killed her to save her."

"I m sorry, Sarah. So sorry," Demetri took a deep, dragging breath. "I wasn't there to stop them. I wasn't there when you needed me and I promised you to be by your side."

I looked at him sharply, "I never blamed you. It wasn't your fault. It was theirs. I ran because I didn't know what you would find when you got back." – I cringed – "I was seriously broken for awhile after that, possibly still was, up until today. But it was better here – with Carlisle's – then there."

"With me," He said bleakly, looking at his hands.

"No!" I shook my head hard in denial. "Nothing is better without you. You can't imagine how much I wanted to go back and find you, but I couldn't go back to the place that offered such horrifying memories.

"I am miserable without you – functioning, but miserable. Every day hurts, every breath feels like sacrilege. To leave was a necessary mistake, but I need _you_, Demetri." I moved to kneel in front of him and turned his face to mine, so he could see the truth in my eyes. "Like I have needed nothing before."

I leaned closer to press a kiss to his pale lips.

"No, please." He pleaded in a broken voice that tore at my heart and made me ache to hear. His eyes were wide, wary, and full of guilt.

I proceeded anyway.

"I can not be without you again, Sarah," He whispered harshly when I had let him go.

"No," I whispered in agreement. Neither of us would survive such a thing.

He reached for me, dragging me to him, crushing me in his arms; kissing my lips, my nose, my closed eyelids. Demetri had never been one to rush. Because he had all the time in the world, he usually took all the time he wanted. But today he moved with an urgency and desire that he had never shown me before and I couldn't help responding in kind.

I clutched at him in desperation. He was my anchor to the world; my gravity, my reality. He pushed me down, somehow the hated grey cloak was under me, and his weight rested on me. My body tingled to feel every hard line of his body against it and I felt fire race through my veins – I know we can't heat up, but I did at the feel of his ever restless hands as they slid over my skin. It was a heady sensation and I sighed at that and the memory of other such times.

"What?" he whispered in my ear, his hands stopping, regretfully.

"I love your hands," I said softly as I pressed a kiss to the palm of one of them.

His brow creased quizzically.

I rubbed my cheek against his smooth palm, smiling sheepishly, "They are so strong and at the same time so tender. I never have to guess what you're thinking when you touch me."

He bent to my neck, trailing light kisses along my collarbone, "They are yours, as is the rest of me. Forever."

He made love to me then on the sand of my little beach, under the fragrant pines. The roar of the water lost in the silence and peace that filled us as we came together again and again until nothing would ever be able to part us.

We lay close, after and I traced the little crescent shaped scars on his back and chest that hadn't been there before. I kissed one on his shoulder and raised my head to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

He looked away from me and I felt him draw away from me until we were not touching, "I didn't mean to betray you, Sarah."

"I know." I said as I sat up and waited for him to tell me what had happened. I understood his need to pull away and allowed him that.

He brought his eyes to mine and searched them for a moment and I saw the echo of remembered pain, "It's the reason I didn't come to find you, in the beginning after that, when you didn't make any attempt to come back to me, I began to believe their lies."

His voice was so low and so torn, that my breath caught at it. He left me no time to say anything, but hurried on in that same broken tone, "I was called in not long after I had found you gone. I didn't believe what they told me, not really. I didn't know who Tom was or why he hated you so. I couldn't imagine anyone having reason to hate someone like you. His rage brought out the animal in me and I had to fight not to rip his head from his shoulders right there in front of the brothers." His voice hardened and his jaw tensed, "That was a mistake." He was silent, calming the rush of fury that filled him.

"Aro was angry when I refused to lead Tom to you. I was locked in one of the cages below the castle and left to Felix for awhile," he gave a wry, painful smile, "though, I am strong, I have never been as strong as he. He said horrible things about you, Sarah. You and him."

"You didn't believe them, did you?" I asked in fear, watching his every move to interpret the truth.

He shook his head, "In the beginning, no. I could still remember how you looked at me and I knew the truth, but as time wore on and Jane was sent to me and then I was left alone and starving. I begin to believe. Somewhere in the pain of the torture and thirst, I began to think they had been right. That you were as they said.

"It was not only that I disgusted you, but that you thought I was too dull and uninteresting to spend the rest of eternity with. That I couldn't make you happy or please you in any way. That you needed more." He paused, thoughtfully.

"When you are weak and half-mad with thirst, nothing makes sense and that you loved _me_ and wanted _me, _when no one for centuries had was one of those things. I put up an acceptable fight for several months, but am ashamed to admit that when Aro brought in a young girl and spilled her blood in front of me and told me she would be mine and all I had to do was tell him where you were, I broke and told him what he wanted to know.

"After that, there was no reason to keep me below. I was freed and returned to my room, but everything reminded me of you and I ended up moving to another room. Nothing mattered after that and when word came that Tom had not been heard of and I still felt you, I agreed to track you. I knew I had to see you again, talk to you, and learn for myself if what Aro told me was the truth. Please forgive me, Sarah."

I put my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could. There was nothing to forgive. I knew all to well the draw of fresh, hot, pulsating human blood and Demetri was far older than I and had less experience with abstinence. He had reacted the way most any of us would have. Ultimately, it was not his fault and I was simply overjoyed to be near him.

---------------------------

We returned to the house shortly after sunrise. It was the best morning of my life and I grinned up at Demetri. His eyes were the deep crimson that I loved and soft in the gray dawn. He shone brighter then than at any other time.

He bent and nuzzled my nose with his and kissed me, the softness of it building to almost the same depth of need as the night before. I pulled back laughing merrily as he growled and pulled me off the ground and into his arms, nibbling my neck.

"I have to get home before they think you've eaten me." I laughed.

He paused and met my eyes, the velvet smoldering, "That doesn't sound like a bad idea."

I rolled my eyes and wiggled to be let down, "We do have all of forever."

Demetri's grip only tightened at my attempts to escape, "Perhaps, but I have many things to make up for."

"We have all of forever." I repeated, resting my forehead against his and breathing in his renewing scent.

He frowned and set me on my feet, "Fine, but I am holding you to that promise."

I smiled at him and clasped his hand tightly in mine as I led him through the front doors of my home to meet my family.


	22. Chapter 22

**Well, this is it, the final two chapters. For all of you who have stuck with me, thank you. I sincerely enjoyed writing this. Thank you for all your reviews, kind words, and constructive criticism. You made this fun.**

**Enjoy!!! **

**(and I hope I have improved somewhat on my use of then and than. ;o))**

**Chapter 21**

They were gathered, as if no one had retreated to their rooms all night, in the living room. The family sat or stood on one side of the room while Jane and Felix sat on the other. It seemed they had only been waiting for us to return.

None of them looked at all surprised to see us together, but that could have been because of the previous day or Edward had seen everything and explained it all. And no one appeared happy either. I felt Demetri's hand on my lower back move soothingly against my skin. He had felt me tense in response to the hard impassive faces of my family. I took a deep breath and crossed the room to stand in front of the hearth, Demetri by my side.

I ignored Jane and Felix as completely as I could, focusing my attention on my family, "Demetri was the one who changed me. I let him, though, truth be told we had little other choice." I paused, glancing at Bella and Edward, willing them to understand what they already knew. "I would have chosen it anyway. He is mine and I am his forever."

"That is a difficult choice." Carlisle said softly.

I slowly nodded in agreement, "Yes, but I can be without him like you can be without Esme. You've seen what I am like. It is a mere shadow of who I was before I left Italy."

"What will you do now, Demetri?"

It was the first time I had ever heard Felix speak that sarcasm was not present. I appraised him coolly. His jaw was hard and his eyes sober. I could see he was deeply shocked and I realized then, that for everything, Felix considered Demetri a friend of sorts. They had known each other for centuries. I looked up at Demetri and wondered if the sentiment was shared. By the stony expression in Demetri's eye, I didn't think so.

Demetri tossed him the gray cloak, "Tell the brothers I have resigned."

I was surprised that he called them anything but master. I wasn't the only one. Felix was on his feet in flash, this time in anger.

"You can't! They'll never let you." He hissed.

At Felix's aggressive actions, I saw my family sit a little straighter, all of them alert and ready to act should there be trouble. Emmett was watching, his eyes glowing in excited anticipation.

But Demetri's answer was calm and firm. It belied the tense posture of his body, "I can and I do. I have served all my life; they made a grave mistake in harming my Sarah. It is one I will not forgive."

"You can't just quit, Demetri," Felix scorned. He looked frightening and I fought the desire to step back.

Demetri's hands steadied me, "Marcus will understand and he will break the news to Aro and Caius. You will not be blamed."

Felix glared at him for a moment then turned his hate-filled glance on me. "You would leave all you have ever known for this," -- He sneered at me while he thought of a word bad enough -- "traitorous little b-- "

"Enough!"

Emmet and Jasper had surged to their feet, growling in warning, but it was Demetri's soft voice that had cut Felix off. I had never heard it so deadly and I had never seen him so enraged. And for all that Demetri had endured at the hands of his _friend_; it would seem the Felix had not either. Demetri pulled me behind the protection of his strong body as he stared Felix down but I would have none of that and stepped between them. I placed my hands on Demetri's chest.

"No, don't," I begged, searching his eyes.

Demetri calmed a little against my hands, his jaw relaxed and his eyes softened. I didn't want this sort of violence in this house. There was too much hostility, it had to be calmed or there would be a fight.

"Jane," Felix said, looking over his shoulder at the child-like vampire sitting so still as if he needed her help.

Knowing what Felix wanted, she started to smile at Demetri as she got to her feet. I felt him brace himself for the onslaught.

So much for calm.

I snarled in defense of my mate as I faced the little goblin and the harsh voice that came from me was unrecognizable, "You touch him and I _swear_ no power on earth will stop me from ripping your heart out. The little bits you become will never be found and you will cease."

I had never felt such hate, not even when Aro had presented Jess to me and for a moment everything was washed in red and I smelled her death. I was on the edge of letting the animal in me go free all it would take was one hasty move on her part.

Jane's eyes widened and she shrank back whether at the fury on my face or the fact that my brothers were starting to circle up, I was unsure. However, I was quite certain that I could dispose of her without their help. The weight of my mate's hand on my waist brought me back, cooled my sight, and was the only thing that kept me from carrying out my threat prematurely.

Sensing I had more control, Carlisle and my brothers stopped moving and stood at the ready in various places about the room; a steady, insurmountable wall of support for me and mine. Their faces showed no sign of shock at my behavior, but acceptance. Even my sisters stood poised and ready. Alice's face was fierce. Bella had a ghost of a grin and her eyes had blackened. Even Rosalie watched eagerly.

It was completely silent for a long second as we all faced each other and waited.

"I think that it is time we left," Jane finally said in a tight voice directed to Felix. To Demetri she said, "We will tell our masters of your wishes and hope they honor them."

He stared at her, "I will be here."

Felix growled at his words and earned a snarl from me. This time he didn't smile at my efforts. The sound raised the hairs on the back of even my neck.

"We'll give your regards to Aro," Jane said blandly to Carlisle as she swept out the door, Felix followed after with one final glance in my direction.

When the door had been shut behind them, I sagged against Demetri, relishing the feel of his strength around me, the sound of his breath in my ears and the scent that enveloped me. But it wasn't over yet.

"I am sorry that was brought into your home," He said softly to Carlisle and Esme.

My family was staring at him in distrust. The tension that had been felt earlier had diminished somewhat when Felix and Jane had left, but it could still be felt. Demetri had been and would be considered an enemy until proven otherwise. The fact that he was my mate -- my choice, didn't matter. I felt the hesitancy and stood in front of him arms folded defiantly over my chest.

Carlisle nodded knowingly as he watched me, "I have a feeling it would have come with or without you."

"What now?" Edward asked. Bella stood beside him, her golden eyes anxious.

I let my arms fall; this was going to be hard, "If you can't accept Demetri, then we'll leave." My voice was mostly emotionless. "But, I really don't want to leave." That wasn't so emotionless. I hoped they could at least try, but I was prepared to leave if they couldn't. I had been too long without Demetri and I would never let it happen again.

Carlisle watched us for a moment deep in thought. Despite all the trouble I had brought with me, he had begun to trust me. But my choice, he wasn't so sure about. He recognized my resolve, though, and was, above all else, a truly good man.

"We will try it," He concluded after a moment.

Demetri dipped his head in acceptance, "I know the rules you follow and I will do my best."

"That's all we can ask." Carlisle said as he stepped forward to shake Demetri's hand.

I released a sobbing breath and threw my arms around Carlisle, squeezing his neck. He chuckled as he set me down and let the rest of the family hesitantly move to greet Demetri. It would take awhile for them to get used to him and him to get used to them. But I was convinced there would come a day when they would be his family as much as mine.

Not long after, I led him to my … our … room and I haltingly told him the truth of what had happened the day he had left me. I showed him the drawings that were like a history of my new life. I told him of my last visit home, about my cross-country search for the Cullens, how I had grown to love them and why. I told him of Tom and the revenge he had planned, of his death. Then, when the story was finished, we lay for a long time tangled together.

Whole.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22 - Demetri**

As the year slowly passed and my eyes had calmed to the same golden shade as my beloved Sarah's, I mused on all that had transpired. I knew I could not survive without her and even though it had been hard and continued being difficult and extremely uncomfortable at times, I craved the blood I had feasted on for seven hundred years. It had gotten easier of late and I shied from doing anything that might make Sarah see me as she had Aro. For her I could do anything.

I learned more about her then I thought possible as I watched her interact with her family. I had been more correct then I knew when I had said she was joy and light and I could not help but notice that everyone was drawn to her and the life that radiated from her. Each in this strange familiar blend of characters needed my Sarah in a different way and she responded to each in that way. I was intensely proud of her.

Where I had once thought I was not capable of loving another person, I now found myself incapable of living one day without Sarah's love. I hated to be from her for longer then a couple of hours. I couldn't go that long without touching her, if she was within arm's reach and often sought her out, though she never left me alone for long. I liked to think she couldn't be that long without me.

We hunted only with each other, strengthening our bond further. I particularly enjoyed those times. Sarah would drop her civilized façade and become who she had been born to become. She was strong and bright, a great fire compared to everything else in my life and that she chose me, each time, it took my breath away.

Esme came and sat beside me as I watched Sarah in a rough and tumble game of the American football she so loved. It was hard for me not to jump out of my chair each time she was thrown to the ground and rip the male off her that had done the tackling. My instincts concerning her were often quite hard to control. She was mine and I would let nothing happen to her.

She always laughed at me at such times and kissed me until I had calmed. Even after the time that had passed, I had a hard time seeing the others as her siblings, though intellectually I knew that's how she saw them. They were still males in close contact with my mate.

I watched Esme as she watched her brood. She was a lovely female, the softest and gentlest I had ever met. She never judged and I was grateful for it. I turned to her often as I would a mother -- or a sister.

"Why," she began turning to face me, "did you save her?"

It wasn't a question I had been expecting and it took me a moment to answer it. I had to examine several painful memories to get to the one I looked for.

"It was her eyes. Sarah had the most beautiful eyes. They were the color of the sea and like it they were fathomless and ever changing." I was not one with a lot of words, but I could certainly talk about Sarah.

"The first time I saw her, she was standing focused on the floor and doing her best to escape a vampire," I chuckled at the thought. "She was so tiny next to Heidi, yet so much more. When she flicked her eyes up and I saw into their depths, I was gone. I drowned in them in that moment."

Esme sat still, waiting, so I continued self-consciously.

"I saw in that moment she knew what we were and there was a strange acceptance in it. It was a wild, exhilarating feeling and it flowed through me. I knew I had to save her, for what, I selfishly didn't care, but I had to keep them from killing her. The feeling grew from there to the realization that I could never be without her."

"Would you have let her leave Italy?" Esme asked.

I nodded, "Eventually, yes. I knew it would come to that. She is … Sarah is joy. Even had she no other power, she would have that."

Esme smiled in agreement, "Now that you are here and we have begun to know her for who she truly is, we see that. She is quite unique in the way she accepts what is given to her. It was hard to see her so lost."

I winced at the thought of a true frown on Sarah's face, "She would not have survived in Volterra. They would have snuffed that joy and corrupted her. I feared for her but had no one to leave her in the care of, no one to trust.

"I was torn between my loyalty to the brothers, who had in essence raised me, and my adoration for her. I chose wrong that day. I had hoped the fact that she was _my_ mate would be enough to stay their hand, but I left anyway, knowing what would happen and praying it wouldn't.

"I blamed myself when I came back and my Sarah was gone as though she had never been."

I paused remembering the horror and grief that had sunk into my soul at returning and finding my room empty, devoid of her warmth and light.

"I did not believe the story I was told, not truly, but felt so unworthy of her that I didn't follow. Then later," I paused uncomfortably at the memories of that time, "I couldn't. I felt her constantly in my mind and resigned myself to the knowledge that that would have to be enough. There were times that was all that kept me from going mad. It was harder then I ever thought. I finally agreed to come here out of desperation. It was that or die."

Those months that we had been separated had been the most difficult in all my centuries and not for the physical punishments I had endured. After Sarah had left, my existence truly was pointless. I had more or less withdrawn from everything. Nothing had color or texture. Before Sarah, my life had been predictable, a bit boring, but fine. After Sarah, it was nothing but endless dark.

"And now?" Esme asked pulling me from my musings.

There was a light in her eyes that told me she already knew what my answer would be, but that she wanted me to tell her anyway.

I met her eyes steadily, "I would walk through hell for one word from her lips."

She sat back in her chair nodding; a pleased smile lit her face even more.

Sarah glanced over at us and caught me looking too serious for her likes. She immediately left the game and came behind me to drape her arms around my shoulders. I felt the same homecoming I always felt the moment she touched me.

"I don't think I have seen you smile for a while, Tri." She said calling me by a pet name she had adopted and smiling. I basked in her warmth and couldn't help teasing her a bit. It always came as such a surprise to her.

"No one has given me cause to smile."

She raised a single honey tinted eyebrow, "And now I am supposed to entertain you?"

I nodded soberly watching her lovely eyes soften into molten gold.

Without another word she slid her dirty, grass stained little body on my lap and nuzzled me with her nose before kissing me lightly on the lips. I couldn't help the tightening I felt at her weight and the brushing of her smooth lips against my skin and I smiled, in spite of myself.

She drew away, satisfied and untangled herself from my arms. I growled at the loss and she laughed.

"Well, my job's done for the moment." She said lightly before half-turning to rejoin the game.

"You sure, you don't want to learn to play?" she asked me again, warm eyes searching mine for the truth I could never hide from her. "You might actually like it."

Still thinking of her weight on my lap, I looked over at Esme, who nodded gently and I stood. Today might just be a great day to learn to play a contact sport. Sarah took my hand and together we went to play.


End file.
